When vacation never ends... (Sarasota: transplants, sales, loans)
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When we go on vacation, we expect shallow. We leave our problems behind along with the snow, irritable in-laws, unruly neighbors, and we board a plane for a week in the Sunshine State and we don't want real life to touch us. Whether it's the beach, Mickey, or margaritas, we know we're somewhere special and far away from everyday life.
Moving to Florida for good is different. We're not here for a week or two, or a month, but forever. Shallow doesn't work. We need to forge new relationships. Posters have written about how difficult it can be to make friends down here and I agree. I think this same shallowness, this "I'm here to have fun" attitude keeps us from being real neighbors to each other. I've also found a serious lack of commitment in Florida as far as friendship goes. Almost anything comes before friendship. I've had lunches canceled on me for the craziest of reasons and I don't get it. The friendships I formed while in Florida were mostly with single women because married women seemed velcroed to their husbands and there's an "accept me as a couple or get lost" attitude here. We were fortunate to have known several couples in FL that we knew back north but things were different in Florida. When we saw them it had to be an event, a celebration of something. Gone were the days when two couples could get together without it being a holiday or someone's visit to celebrate. My husband met golf buddies but that's all they were.. just golf buddies.
We kept telling ourselves how great it was to never have to shovel snow, we kept busy with our activities, we tried to bond with our new friends but in the end, six years later, we knew we were selling ourselves a crock or crap and we moved back north.
This isn't a thread to bash Florida, there's plenty of those going. It's a thread to examine expectations. What expectations did you come to Florida with? How did you expect it to be different or the same? I'm guilty of desiring warmer weather but I wanted the same warm friendships that I left behind. I thought we'd all be transients, all sharing the same load, missing our families up north but moving to Florida for a better life. I expected to find kindred souls.
I didn't find anything like that here and now I realize I swapped the warmth of the sun for the warmth of all things familiar to my heart, people, foods, smells, etc. I understand that close friendships don't grow on trees or fall out of the air and that they need to be cultivated over long periods of time but the lack of commitment and the shield some people build around themselves made this impossible.
We're glad to be home, back where commitments are honored, where friendships never die, back with all things familiar and dear to our hearts.
Life is constantly changing. Things are not the same anymore. What made you happy 10 or 20 years ago doesn't do the trick anymore. Friends drift away. Relatives die. Children grow up and move away. Your favorite restaurant back home is now closed. The grocery store you shopped at for years is bankrupt. The weather up north gets colder and colder. Icey streets and sidewalks are harder to cope with. The city you used to love is now a different place. Taxes in the north are through the roof. And the job situation isn't much better than Florida.
You should have stayed in Florida and just took several vacations a year to visit your family and old friends.
Life is constantly changing. Things are not the same anymore. What made you happy 10 or 20 years ago doesn't do the trick anymore. Friends drift away. Relatives die. Children grow up and move away. Your favorite restaurant back home is now closed. The grocery store you shopped at for years is bankrupt. The weather up north gets colder and colder. Icey streets and sidewalks are harder to cope with. The city you used to love is now a different place. Taxes in the north are through the roof. And the job situation isn't much better than Florida.
You should have stayed in Florida and just took several vacations a year to visit your family and old friends.
None of these are true for me. Things are better than 'the same', there are grandkids, there are more and more restaurants, excellent ones, none of them disappointing, I've never been one to shop at any one grocery store but back here we have choices, Whole Foods, Roche Bros, Shaws, Stop & Shop, not just Publix on every corner. We've moved to an out-spit of land in New England where it hardly ever snows and we've few public schools to support so our taxes are way less than they were in Florida.
I expect anyone who posts here to post from their own personal history bank of experiences. It's what will make the responses interesting.
I think all of us transplants miss and gave up a lot of the things we loved back home. But we knew that as we left there that moving would have it's tradeoffs and staying or moving would have it's good and bad points either way. I miss having more variety of grocery stores to shop. (Kroger was mine). And I miss Penn Station for a good cheesesteak. And the food at Culvers. And Skyline or Gold Star Chili for a good chili cheese coney. Why no chili dogs in Florida I wonder?? And why is there no Frisches Big Boy down here? I haven't had one or a nice hot fudge cake since I rode to KY over last summer with my sister to take a family member back home who was visiting. It was July and so different seeing normal trees and rolling hills again after living in Florida the first 6 months but still, I couldn't wait to get back down here for some reason. I think there's a possibility of forming new relationships and friends here, it might take some effort though but it might be more difficult depending on what part of the state you live and the type of lifestyle and people you're around. It seems for me I have encountered simple, everyday normal people anywhere I go from Sarasota to Ft Myers. People just wanting a better life for themselves and the same things. There are genuine good people out there, you just have to find them.
Last edited by FringedNFab; 02-17-2011 at 08:34 AM..
None of these are true for me. Things are better than 'the same', there are grandkids
That's where you made your mistake when you moved to Florida. You moved away from your children and grandchildren. You should have made the move with your immediate family. Of course you miss them. I sure would. Now you have to justify the sucky weather in your area to feel better about moving back to the cold gray north.
When we go on vacation, we expect shallow. We leave our problems behind along with the snow, irritable in-laws, unruly neighbors, and we board a plane for a week in the Sunshine State and we don't want real life to touch us. Whether it's the beach, Mickey, or margaritas, we know we're somewhere special and far away from everyday life.
Moving to Florida for good is different. We're not here for a week or two, or a month, but forever. Shallow doesn't work. We need to forge new relationships. Posters have written about how difficult it can be to make friends down here and I agree. I think this same shallowness, this "I'm here to have fun" attitude keeps us from being real neighbors to each other. I've also found a serious lack of commitment in Florida as far as friendship goes. Almost anything comes before friendship. I've had lunches canceled on me for the craziest of reasons and I don't get it. The friendships I formed while in Florida were mostly with single women because married women seemed velcroed to their husbands and there's an "accept me as a couple or get lost" attitude here. We were fortunate to have known several couples in FL that we knew back north but things were different in Florida. When we saw them it had to be an event, a celebration of something. Gone were the days when two couples could get together without it being a holiday or someone's visit to celebrate. My husband met golf buddies but that's all they were.. just golf buddies.
We kept telling ourselves how great it was to never have to shovel snow, we kept busy with our activities, we tried to bond with our new friends but in the end, six years later, we knew we were selling ourselves a crock or crap and we moved back north.
This isn't a thread to bash Florida, there's plenty of those going. It's a thread to examine expectations. What expectations did you come to Florida with? How did you expect it to be different or the same? I'm guilty of desiring warmer weather but I wanted the same warm friendships that I left behind. I thought we'd all be transients, all sharing the same load, missing our families up north but moving to Florida for a better life. I expected to find kindred souls.
I didn't find anything like that here and now I realize I swapped the warmth of the sun for the warmth of all things familiar to my heart, people, foods, smells, etc. I understand that close friendships don't grow on trees or fall out of the air and that they need to be cultivated over long periods of time but the lack of commitment and the shield some people build around themselves made this impossible.
We're glad to be home, back where commitments are honored, where friendships never die, back with all things familiar and dear to our hearts.
Your thoughts....
One more month and wer'e headed back to N.H. You really hit the nail on the head with that post! Thats just something that people have to prove to themselves. Your last sentence sums it all up. There really is a lot more to life than warmer weather for a few months a year. Not everyone can handle it.
That's where you made your mistake when you moved to Florida. You moved away from your children and grandchildren. You should have made the move with your immediate family. Of course you miss them. I sure would. Now you have to justify the sucky weather in your area to feel better about moving back to the cold gray north.
Really, rpmx? You can control your immediate family and make them give up their careers, their friends, and follow you to Florida? How do you do this?
As a rule, I don't advocate moving to be near your kids because adult kids can up and move for jobs or they may want an adventure of their own. You have to really and truly love an area.
And that's why we're here. Today we took a 45 minute ride over winding New England roads with gnarly trees and historic inns and homes. We saw ponds and swales, we stopped for lunch at a 300 year old inn. The journey was breathtaking, it wasn't an I-95 straight run, it was a treat in itself. If our children upped and moved away, we'd still be happy here. All our senses are being satisfied.
There is no sucky gray weather here. There is no snow on the ground. And if there was, we'd deal with it. We are home!
When we go on vacation, we expect shallow. We leave our problems behind along with the snow, irritable in-laws, unruly neighbors, and we board a plane for a week in the Sunshine State and we don't want real life to touch us. Whether it's the beach, Mickey, or margaritas, we know we're somewhere special and far away from everyday life.
Moving to Florida for good is different. We're not here for a week or two, or a month, but forever. Shallow doesn't work. We need to forge new relationships. Posters have written about how difficult it can be to make friends down here and I agree. I think this same shallowness, this "I'm here to have fun" attitude keeps us from being real neighbors to each other. I've also found a serious lack of commitment in Florida as far as friendship goes. Almost anything comes before friendship. I've had lunches canceled on me for the craziest of reasons and I don't get it. The friendships I formed while in Florida were mostly with single women because married women seemed velcroed to their husbands and there's an "accept me as a couple or get lost" attitude here. We were fortunate to have known several couples in FL that we knew back north but things were different in Florida. When we saw them it had to be an event, a celebration of something. Gone were the days when two couples could get together without it being a holiday or someone's visit to celebrate. My husband met golf buddies but that's all they were.. just golf buddies.
We kept telling ourselves how great it was to never have to shovel snow, we kept busy with our activities, we tried to bond with our new friends but in the end, six years later, we knew we were selling ourselves a crock or crap and we moved back north.
This isn't a thread to bash Florida, there's plenty of those going. It's a thread to examine expectations. What expectations did you come to Florida with? How did you expect it to be different or the same? I'm guilty of desiring warmer weather but I wanted the same warm friendships that I left behind. I thought we'd all be transients, all sharing the same load, missing our families up north but moving to Florida for a better life. I expected to find kindred souls.
I didn't find anything like that here and now I realize I swapped the warmth of the sun for the warmth of all things familiar to my heart, people, foods, smells, etc. I understand that close friendships don't grow on trees or fall out of the air and that they need to be cultivated over long periods of time but the lack of commitment and the shield some people build around themselves made this impossible.
We're glad to be home, back where commitments are honored, where friendships never die, back with all things familiar and dear to our hearts.
Your thoughts....
Whenever you move to a location that you do not know anyone, just register at a church and offer to do volunteer work. Trust me, you will be get to know a LOT of people. Besides joining a church group, you can also join the Elks, Eagles, or Moose Lodge. I have NEVER had problems meeting people and making new friends. I still have contact with people I worked with over 20 and 30 years ago, in Oregon and Hawaii, respectively. I also keep in contact with my assistant coach to a volleyball girls team we coached, as volunteers, 35 years ago, in Vancouver, WA. We moved to Florida last July and love it here!
As long as you're happy being back home, that's what counts. Best wishes to you.
iuki
Last edited by iuki001; 02-17-2011 at 05:19 PM..
Reason: added a comma
Really, rpmx? You can control your immediate family and make them give up their careers, their friends, and follow you to Florida? How do you do this?
Are you serious? Move to your chosen area of the country while your kids are still in grade school or high school. That's how you do it. They don't have careers or children yet. And in the case of Florida you can take advantage of the very affordable universtiies here not to mention the Bright Scholars program for your high school student.
I lived in Chicago for 49 years. It has a lot to offer but the cost of living is outrageous because of our liberal elected officials. Property,income, and sales taxes in Chicagoland are sinful. College loans will put you in debt for years to come. Education is very expensive. And of course 8 months of cold gray weather is just too much.
I moved here in the early 80's and didn't go back to LI to visit until 1996 and couldn't wait to leave there. My Mom & Dad moved here first so maybe that has something to do with it. I had taken a leave of absence from my job so I could go back if I wanted but never did.
I didn't have any problems making real friends down here and I am basically a quite person.
My brothers friend came to visit a few months after we moved down here and he decided then and there that he would be moving to FL within 6 months and did. He is still here and his Mom moved down here about 10 years later.
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