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Lack of makeup does not equate to "looking a hot mess". Neither do yoga pants or sneakers.
And I'll be double-dog-da**ed if I'm going to let some snot-nosed "princess" tell me that I shouldn't wear my hair long because I'm over 40 (I am in fact WAY WAY over 40). It'll be a cold day in he** before I cut my hair. My long lovely curls are one of the few remaining physical features that hasn't deserted me as I age. LOL!
You sound really crazy right now. You can do whatever you want, IDGAF. And I'll have whatever opinions I please, thanks.
Lack of makeup does not equate to "looking a hot mess". Neither do yoga pants or sneakers.
And I'll be double-dog-da**ed if I'm going to let some snot-nosed "princess" tell me that I shouldn't wear my hair long because I'm over 40 (I am in fact WAY WAY over 40). It'll be a cold day in he** before I cut my hair. My long lovely curls are one of the few remaining physical features that hasn't deserted me as I age. LOL!
Beauty is subjective, but some things do ring true when it comes to attracting a mate. Genetics certainly play their part, but so does surgery and how much work we put into ourselves to look good, or not.
I think it is all about environment, what you gravitate towards (you are either high-maintenance or low-maintenance) and maybe how you were raised. Maybe when it comes to makeup, clothes and stuff, maybe some girls never had a mom or whatever to show them how to do that stuff, maybe some girls were taught about that stuff but it became some way/form to control them. Some areas, people look better because there is more pressure to look good, they have access to the best 'everything' and because of this anytime they see someone who is not on par with them via looks and lifestyle, they look down on them, also when you are surrounded by beauty (based on your standards) 24/7, when you get a glimpse of what someone looks like who was not raised in your fantasy dream world, you may perceive them as being a "hot mess" f/ugly, average, etc..
On the flip side, say you are in an environment where however people look doesn't matter, you are more exposed to different types of looks and you aren't surrounded by this rose-colored-glasses form of what everyone should look like, nor are you concerned with how they look. You do not associate 'hot mess' and 'average' or 'below average' 'f/ugly' with feeling bad about yourself/poor health, you associate it with being human.
And they whole, 'you just hate on beautiful people cause you jealous'...no thank you, i know what's real, grow the flip up! At the end of the day, just live life for you, only thing that matters is if you are happy.
There are some men that love highly made up women and there are some that prefer the natural look. My John hates make up on women, I hate wearing it. We're perfect for each other. He loves the fact that I will put on a pair of roller skates, ice skates, ski, ride bikes , and scuba dive. He also loves my skills at rehabbing houses. He admires intelligence and never wanted some ultra feminine high maintenance woman.
It's all about what kind of life style you want. If you want to be just arm candy and want to hang out in a spa all day then project that image and you may find a man looking for that type of woman. I'll take the slopes instead please In the end it should be about what makes you happy.
It's not either or.....the natural "look" might be no makeup but it could also be tons of neutral toned makeup that covers up uneven skin tone and contours the face and highlights the eyes and lips. Most guys would not even know the difference yet they say they "don't like makeup". They may not like makeup if they can tell it is makeup but....yeah, whatever.
I don't get it either. If you're happy looking a hot mess, don't then complain that you're not attracting the people you desire. We don't wear our lovely personalities like a shirt - people have to be drawn in first. And maybe this is just me, but when I look like a scrub (sweatshirt, yoga pants, sneakers, hair up or in a scarf) I don't feel cute. If I want to feel cute, I put on clothes and do my hair in a way that makes me feel cute.
Sorry to bring this up again, but OP I honestly think your hair is too long. And the hair texture changes as you age. I have seen women in 40s+ with really long down-the-back hair. The majority of them would look much better and younger with shorter hair.
I see a lot of long hair on all ages here in the PNW. What I think makes long hair on any age look bad is when it has not been trimmed or cut in years. And when it isn't conditioned. I've seen a few older women with striking, well cared for hair. I am always in awe of this. But so many women, young and old, wear long hair without caring for it. First thing--make sure it is cut properly and that the ends don't look wispy and uneven. Second thing--condition after washing.
But, people make decisions about how they want to present themselves, and it is a free country. Some of us want one thing and others want something else.
I tried a few years ago to grow my hair out, and I realized that my hair had changed so much that long hair on me was ugly. I faced that fact with regret, and had it cut.
As I mentioned, I've seen older women with beautiful long hair, and I envy them that.
We get to present ourselves as we want in this country. It isn't North Korea, for Pete's sake.
My hair is to the middle of my back. It is colored and cut, and the front is shorter. Side part, Veronica Lake kinda thing going on.
I think short would be harder. As I've gotten older my hair texture has changed, it has become wavy and frizzy, plus I live in a humid tropical climate. If I go to Nevada or Arizona my hair is GORGEOUS with minimal work.
Here I do a keratin coat to keep the frizz down and flat iron, if I wear is loose. Most of the time it's in a ponytail or bun, and I don't know what is easier than that!!!
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OP: I think the multicolored hair and torn clothing will negatively affect your interactions with all sorts of people, not just potential dates. As someone upthread said, it will limit you professionally. I think you really need to get a handle on these things in particular, even if you decide you're done with relationships. You want to be perceived as an independent woman and a responsible head of your household, and a disheveled appearance communicates something very different.
you don't have to put on all that makeup , having your hair done would be cool, but dress nicely with a simple style and wear a mix of vibrant colors.that will always get noticed and most important imo.
I also recommend a haircut. Hair down to your butt can be beautiful if it's wavy or has lots of body, but if it's pin straight, flat, and thin that can look dowdy or matronly (think school marm or Mennonite farm girl).
For better or for worse, men do take the way women present themselves as a kind of shorthand about who she is, how she lives her life, even her values. They assess whether she is in their league and whether he can support or keep up with the things she's into. I know some people will say, "I looked like crap when I met my husband 30 years ago," but that is the exception not the rule (and those women probably looked better than they give themselves credit for). If you look like you aren't dressed to do anything but sit home and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, you'll attract guys who are happy to live that way. I know for myself, when I slip into those sweats/no makeup/hair-in-bun periods, I'd only get approached by men 15, 20, even 30 years older! They thought I was an easy mark.
Everyone is attracted to something different. However you present yourself will be more attractive to whomever likes that kind of look. And people will make assumptions based on that presentation (some of which may or may not be correct). So I'm of the mind that you should present yourself in a way that's consistent with your values and self-image. If you present yourself as a person you are not, it will just bite you in the rear in the end, imo.
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My hair is to the middle of my back. It is colored and cut, and the front is shorter. Side part, Veronica Lake kinda thing going on.
I think short would be harder. As I've gotten older my hair texture has changed, it has become wavy and frizzy, plus I live in a humid tropical climate. If I go to Nevada or Arizona my hair is GORGEOUS with minimal work.
Here I do a keratin coat to keep the frizz down and flat iron, if I wear is loose. Most of the time it's in a ponytail or bun, and I don't know what is easier than that!!!
Sounds similar to mine. I'm in my mid-40s and my (thick, coarse, curly/wavy) hair goes a little crazy when short. It's looking pretty good at the length it is now, with longer layers in there. When I had all one length hair in my 20s/30s that was lower part of my back and super thick and wavy, I wore it in a ponytail or bun about 99% of the time. I also lived in the middle of the ocean and the climate hated my hair Now that my hair is layered and a little shorter, I wear it down quite a bit (sometimes straightened, sometimes left curlier). I get a lot of compliments. For now, I am still coloring out the gray
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In the end it should be about what makes you happy.
Now that my hair is layered and a little shorter, I wear it down quite a bit (sometimes straightened, sometimes left curlier). I get a lot of compliments. For now, I am still coloring out the gray 
