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When I lived in Europe I had to relearn how to make friends.
In the U.S. friendships begin instantly, and can end just as fast. I can make a friend in the U.S. right now if I make my mind up to. It's quick & fast & easy. However, friendships in the U.S. are quite transient. Also, in the U.S. not much of a separation is made between acquaintances and deep, reliable, forever friendships. I think the reason for this is that since things are very transient in the U.S. and can end just as quickly as they start, everyone calls everyone a "friend," even if it's not a real, forever-friend of the heart. My suspicion is that since the U.S. labor force is a mobile one (you have to be always ready to move if you lose your job or get relocated), people got used to living with these sort of temporal acquaintances and considered them friends, shifting from place to place and people to people.
When I moved abroad, it took me a long, long time to make friends and develop friendships. People were nice, not saying they weren't, but they were not that sort of instant, spur-of-the-moment "HI, how are you!!!!" friendly as they are in the U.S.
Once I made friendships abroad, however, these began to develop a far deeper quality than any I'd experienced before, like family, and they had a sort of trustworthiness and a guarantee that the friend would be there through thick and thin. They became a sort of extended family which survives all kinds of time and events.
Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing, or is it just my own personal experience?
Yep. Lots of those "friendships" are quick but shallow. I also noticed that successful people have always lots of friends, but they quickly disappear when one lose a job or is in financial, or any kind of trouble.
I find it more difficult in Europe to make friends than in America. I made some American good friendships and it was so easy, it is also very easy to keem them alive. I can't believe I haven't seen these two girls in almost 3 years and we are still friends.
In Europe I find it harder, people live more independently and sometimes you can lose friendships even trying not to (especially at distance) but I suppose they are more real? who knows.
I think it depends on the country, what language is spoken, and what state/area you are comparing it to.
I had a very easy time making friends in Ireland. But then again, the Irish often tend to be curious people and will often approach you when you're unfamiliar in a small town. If you speak English like they do there, then it's easier to communicate with people. I also had small children so there are more outlets and activities to get to know people.
I'm an American and of my closest friends, only one of them is an American, and I know him through an English friends. I've had a lot of friends in the USA but my close ones tend to be European. I'm not really sure why
Thinking back to my childhood, 3 out of my 4 closest friends were European immigrants. One was from the UK and 2 were from Portugal, and my first serious boyfriend was German
Just the opposite for me. I have way more friends in Europe/Eurasia than here in the US. Even among my friends/acquaintances in the US, most are immigrants. I can go to Europe and strike up conversations easily and with interest, and a few near/long term relations can develop here also.
In the US, never really clicked with anyone, maybe just the luck of the draw, but I find about everyone rather uninteresting to be around. Socioeconomics plays more of a role in the US I think than other places, at least for me.
Once I made friendships abroad, however, these began to develop a far deeper quality than any I'd experienced before, like family, and they had a sort of trustworthiness and a guarantee that the friend would be there through thick and thin. They became a sort of extended family which survives all kinds of time and events.
I've always found friendships w/Americans to be shallow. The deeper friendships I've had here have been with people who come from other cultures.
Yep. Lots of those "friendships" are quick but shallow. I also noticed that successful people have always lots of friends, but they quickly disappear when one lose a job or is in financial, or any kind of trouble.
Is this the true reason for the quick and shallow friendsips, in the u.s.? I always wondered how that worked in the us when i met americans and i find this a pretty good explanation. I can imagine when most friends are colleques, you'll loose them as friends just as fast as you got them, when you change jobs. Especially if you have to move to another state.
Also, i never got it how you can make true friends on the job. Doesn't it effect your work? We have strict policy to keep buiseness and friends separate and i'm pretty shure this is in most european countries. The one time i broke that rule, the friendship ended when i became his boss. We were friends for years, before we got to work together but it totally messed things up between us. And i'm pretty shure it effected my judgment and efficienty trying to keep his friendship.
Maybe this is the reason for americans having trouble making friends in europe? 'Cause they try to make friends on the job and feel colleques are keeping distance?
I find friendships easier to form with foreigners, including Europeans, whether they are in your country or you are in theirs.
The tour guide for our high school Spanish trip to Costa Rica saw that I would be doing my homestay in Heredia, where he also lives, and suggested that I could come over some to meet his daughters. Perhaps he thought I was "buena gente" and could be a "novio" to one of them.
A guy I met in Spain in 2008 who was traveling to his girlfriend's house struck up a conversation on a train with me when he noticed I had a GPS and made a bar recommendation for a local specialty food in a city I was traveling to (Tarifa). He entered me into his iPhone (imported right from the U.S., not sold in Spain at that time). Five years later, I received a strange request on LinkedIn, and when I finally realized it was him I was overjoyed. We now correspond irregularly.
Later in Tarifa, I came upon a car with a Swiss license plate and took a picture of it. Rather than be creeped out, he invited me to stay at his home with some friends.
Later in Morocco I met a kid on the night bus from Rissani to Marrekesh and ended up resting in his rich elderly uncle's four-story mansion, the most beautiful house I have ever had an opportunity to stay at. It had a Western-style bathroom (the owner was French, married into a Moroccan family), the most comfortable bed you could ever imagine, and a TV with about one thousand channels. We ate lunch, and when I explained for the Nth time that I could not attend his family reunion as I had to catch a flight back to Barcelona, he made me promise to visit Morocco, and him, again. I wish I still had that paper with his e-mail address on it.
I've always found friendships w/Americans to be shallow. The deeper friendships I've had here have been with people who come from other cultures.
Do you feel that the inability to go deeper in relationships here is due to the transient nature of Americans and American culture, that they have to move and be ready to move from place to place because of work instability?
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