Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Also, i never got it how you can make true friends on the job. Doesn't it effect your work? We have strict policy to keep buiseness and friends separate and i'm pretty shure this is in most european countries. The one time i broke that rule, the friendship ended when i became his boss. We were friends for years, before we got to work together but it totally messed things up between us. And i'm pretty shure it effected my judgment and efficienty trying to keep his friendship.
Maybe this is the reason for americans having trouble making friends in europe? 'Cause they try to make friends on the job and feel colleques are keeping distance?
Well, friendships in the U.S. are less about trusting and reliance upon one another, and more about just coming together sometimes (at work, for example) and that's all, so it doesn't matter so much who is your "friend." They are not people you will rely on and who will rely on you, as a sort of extended family. That's why people in the U.S. can say that their co-workers are their friends. Is that what you meant, kinda?
Location: God's Gift to Mankind for flying anything
5,921 posts, read 13,852,576 times
Reputation: 5229
The following may have been already alluded to but I think,
*acquaintances* could become *friends* after a long period.
It used to be that when you were young, in the USA,
you would move (to a different location) a lot more,
compared to your European counterpart.
I have lived and worked in umpteen places as a young professional.
I made a lot of acquaintances during that time.
Now that I am retired, I haven't moved for 20 years.
I think I have *friends* now.
They are about the same age as I,
they have similar outlooks on life,
and we have the same hobbies ...
But ... , I still do not know all my immediate neighbours.
When I worked in Europe (two stints), I lived in small villages (by choice),
and I knew all my neighbours ...
When we left each time, there were the longest hugs,
I have ever experienced and tears were shed !
In the USA, when we moved (due to job changes),
very few of my neighbours even realised we did pack up and leave ...
In Europe, where a lot of my family still lives,
they haven't moved for decades since they were in their teens or twenties.
They have *friends* ... I think ...
Altho ... , this may be changing in Europe also .
My generation seems to *stay put*.
The next generation seems to move around a bit more,
Well, friendships in the U.S. are less about trusting and reliance upon one another, and more about just coming together sometimes (at work, for example) and that's all, so it doesn't matter so much who is your "friend." They are not people you will rely on and who will rely on you, as a sort of extended family. That's why people in the U.S. can say that their co-workers are their friends. Is that what you meant, kinda?
Well yeah, kinda, but it was more kind of a question. I met a few americans on hollidays who immediately called me "friend" after one day and i found that kind of odd. I knew it was meant well but sometimes wondered how that works in the states. People here allways emediately have a judgement and call it fake and overdone, but i like to think there must be a reason for it. So the "moving a lot for the job" explanation made a lot of sence to me.
But i also think it depends on the type of person. One of my best friends here is an american, and i never found him fake. As a matter of fact, he never even called me "friend", allthough i know he is. We shared some good and bad times past few years and became pretty close.
But there also was this incident were he lost his license for 3 months and got a night in jail and a pretty big fine, because he drove a drunk friend home while he had a few to many himselve (he wasn't drunk though). The same week his friend came by the house and gave him the money to pay the fine. I don't know how much, but it was a lot
Later he told me that his "friends" in the states would never have done this for him. Made me wonder about his "friendships" back home.
Well yeah, kinda, but it was more kind of a question. I met a few americans on hollidays who immediately called me "friend" after one day and i found that kind of odd. I knew it was meant well but sometimes wondered how that works in the states. People here allways emediately have a judgement and call it fake and overdone, but i like to think there must be a reason for it. So the "moving a lot for the job" explanation made a lot of sence to me.
But i also think it depends on the type of person. One of my best friends here is an american, and i never found him fake. As a matter of fact, he never even called me "friend", allthough i know he is. We shared some good and bad times past few years and became pretty close.
But there also was this incident were he lost his license for 3 months and got a night in jail and a pretty big fine, because he drove a drunk friend home while he had a few to many himselve (he wasn't drunk though). The same week his friend came by the house and gave him the money to pay the fine. I don't know how much, but it was a lot
Later he told me that his "friends" in the states would never have done this for him. Made me wonder about his "friendships" back home.
Thanks for the anecdotes. Yes, it definitely has to do with the person! There are all kinds of people everywhere of course. Nice and un-nice exists everywhere on the planet.
I think as a general rule though, we here in the U.S. are so enslaved by and to jobs, so subject to the transient nature of everything in the U.S. (one day it's here, next day it's gone) and the way the culture runs, that it's extremely hard for those who live in the U.S. to develop deep friendships that last a lifetime, the sort of friendships that feel like really close-knit sisters and brothers.
That's why we don't speak to strangers on the bus. We don't have any need for fake friends.
I know! I had to get used to that - no real friendliness when people don't know one another, but when you go meet your friends, WOW! It's kiss on one cheek, one kiss on the other cheek, JOY, sincereconcern for the other, and pure elation!
Do you feel that the inability to go deeper in relationships here is due to the transient nature of Americans and American culture, that they have to move and be ready to move from place to place because of work instability?
No. I think part of it is because many people don't go deep within themselves. If they don't have a deep relationship with themselves, they can't connect with others on a deeper level, either. Some people are afraid to look deeply within themselves. I haven't run into people who are transient.
That's why we don't speak to strangers on the bus. We don't have any need for fake friends.
It's not about fake friends. It's about 2 things: 1) Passing the time in pleasant conversation with someone, or 2) Looking for a potential mate. Chatting with people in public places does work for some people.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
