I am sorry to hear about Charlie. There is nothing wrong with choosing no treatment but you have to tell yourself that it is the right choice for him then believe it and later not play the " what if games" with yourself as you have no reason to ever feel gulity about your decision. Being Human we seem to like guilt
. Death is just a part of life so accepting that does help some we really can't fight it as it always does win we can just stall it sometimes but in the end.... I say this having battled Dash's nasal cancer and then the next year having to deal with Jazz my 14.5 yr old dog developing a tumor in her zygomatic gland that pushed her eye forward and cause it to rupture. Never knew if it was cancer but despite her being a healthy active old dog I just could not put her through any pain that surgery would have involved.She was a dog that HATED vets and that would have been traumatic so I had to do not what was best for me but what was best for her and put her to sleep . I feel I did what was right for Dash too and we had lots of quality time together. So to me it just depends on what is best for the dog in question then I stick with that.
When dogs can't breath at night they tend to be awake panting a lot and Dash paced a lot if he had trouble., During the day they do pretty well but for some reason panting while one sleeps is difficult. What do you do? Well sometimes I just got up and sat with him other times I just let him be. It was this behavior then the added sneeze of a very small amount of blood that made me think something was wrong and lead to me telling the vet, The IMRT helped fix the breathing issues for quite awhile but infections and later swelling from the neoplasene woud lead to some tough nights.
Why is it happening so fast? Well cancers are different then add to that they are different in each being, some are lucky and it is a slow growing less invasive others get the fast growing very invasive forms and they can grow fast. We also all tend to find it at different stages, I found Dash's long before there was any outside swelling on his muzzle others do not notice until that swelling happens and by then the cancer tends to be a lot more advanced. If a vet gives you a time frame say 6 months well that is an Average meaning some dogs live way past it even a year or more and others die much sooner even a few days after learning. Death is something that none of us can say for sure when it will strike as it is out of our hands.
How do you know when it is time? First remember the most important thing is the dogs quality of life ( and not your own aching heart) . Make a list of things your dog enjoys then as he seems to no longer be able to do them and you cross them off so that list is shorter and shorter you will have a good idea as what is life when your enjoyment is gone?
Even Dash who tolerated treatments well and was always happy started to slow down and I started to get the vibe that time was running out and that he was ready to leave me ( Not so with Jazz who stomped her feet in protest about going back inside at the vets that day
) It is hard to explain but they give you this look that just sort of says I am done here. It will never be an easy decision but try to view it as the one last act of total love you can give your dog and that is to end all pain and suffering and let them go one with life journey and yes leave you behind to deal with your own pain of a broken heart.
With Dash because I saw that day coming I gave him his special time and took him to Mcdonalds and got him a kids meal, Cheeseburger, fries and some of MY chocolate shake and he and I went and sat on the cliffs over looking his farvorite place the ocean and ate and I will tell you he thought he had died and gone to heaven already getting that meal. That memory helped me a lot. ( he had a caste iron gut so I knew he would not get sick from it ) The next day we went to say good bye to a group of park friends and one of them had gotten him and IN and Out burger with all the fixings and he gobbled it then looked at her asking " where are the fries and the chocolate shake???" It was very funny. Jazz did not get that as hers happened to fast just a few days after her MRI the eye ruptured but sealed so I dropped her off at the vets for him to see and he called later saying I had to make a decision fast either he get on the phone and try to find a surgeon with the skill to do the surgery that could do it that afternoon or I put her down that day to avoid further pain. so all she got was me coming and taking her on a last walk and arguing with her ( she loved to wooo arooo in arguments and stomp her front feet as she did..it was all that cattle dog blood
) about going back inside the vets after that walk then holding her while life left her.
Dogs are a huge part of our lifes so it does hurt to say good bye but they will live on forever in your heart in the form of memories. My memories of Dash and Jazz make me laugh and smile and have allowed me to go on and open my heart to Dazzle and Chaos and they in turn have taken away the heart ache. Being at the point you are now it seems llike " how will I ever survive this life with out my beloved dog?" But you do and life does go on and not being held back by the guilt and what if's gets you there faster.
Just my telling you about the last days of Dash and Jazz has made me smile and for a few minutes they have been right here with me if only in memory
Helen Keller said " What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." Helen was a very smart woman!
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Charlies Progress
