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I can't help that I grew up in the black community, and have interests that are more similar with other African Americans. This is the case for most ethnicities. The white girls that I tried to befriend only watched white shows, how come you didn't call them close minded ? Why do they get a pass? They didn't seem interested in anything I liked either.
Stuck in the black community? I don't feel like I am stuck in the black community at all. And I don't care about 90% of the world's population of men either, I am just looking for ONE man. I do not care about developing interests that most white poeple have to feel validated.
Soxfan's comments seem to be mired in fiction; however, I do agree that people should simply open themselves up to new experiences. I do not watch TV; however, since you do, why not try watching a show or movie outside of your regular line-up?
Also, you are 100% correct, there are plenty of white people who will not come out of their comfort zone either. My question to you is, do you really want to be like them?
You know, that is an outdated, old saw. I've been a male for a long time and a close observer of black males. Many people don't realize that among politically conscious black males it is a detriment to be seen dating a white woman. One is considered an 'Uncle Tom' for such. And I live in Hyde Park, where it is impossible to be at a social function which does not involve interracial couples.
Among the black male lawyers, bond traders and insurance executives I know, maybe three or four out of fifty is married to or involved with a white woman. As for the skin tone of their partners, I can't quantify a percentage but dark-skinned women certainly are well-represented.
So, for professional black males, a white woman is not a desired trophy -- the situation may not apply to lower income black males. And, I have to tell you, even with the ascendance of Beyonce, linking partner desireability with skin tone is just not done. That's some type of holdover from the thirties.
So to address the OP, dark-skinned black females do quite well in Chicago with college-educated black males. Think of Dorothy Brown, the clerk of the circuit court. Check out the recent city treasurer:
Beautiful, dark-skinned sisters involved with black men.
Thanks for your reply, but you are communicating with someone who IS a dark black woman, therefore, trust me, I'm far more privy to the inner workings of colorism within the black community.
Some people only see what they want to see. You can show then 5,000 examples of Black professionals, athletes, musicians, who marry Black women. But show one example with a White women, and the other 5,000 are somehow discounted.
I don't know any professional athletes, but I do know many Black professionals and musicians. Out of the dozens I know, maybe 2 or 3 are involved with White women. And the skin tone is all over the map. I don;t know anyone parading around their white or almost-white woman, like anyone would give a damn.
Nyanna, get your behind to Chicago, go out to a club, a bar, a bookstore, whatever floats your boat, and make it happen.
Here are the facts, black people overall have low marriage rates, therefore relatively few black males and women are marrying each other in the U.S. Of the few black males who married, in 2008, 22%, married non black women (according to the U.S. census), and although I haven't conducted any quantitative research on the matter, I feel comfortable stating that the majority of the 'black' women selected for marriage weren't chocolate sistas. I've observed this firsthand by looking at the partnerships of people (both, inside and outside of my immediate circle of friends).
Within the black community, the chocolate women are usually relegated to the status of 'baby mamas,' not the wife.
The excerpt below is from the blog, "Beyond White & Black" and it highlights one example of colorism on display.
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I’m just back on vacation in the deep woods and EVEN I HEARD that Mr. Jay-Z and Mrs. Beyonce have a bun in the oven. Fair play to them.
And like Clutch mentioned, I hope this will give the numbskulls and knuckleheads out there some cud in which to chew.
They met.
They dated.
They married.
They conceived, in that order, respectively.
And Beyonce, though not in any way her own doing, realized what a prize she was and she used it to her advantage. She is also no fool–her mother AND father made sure of that. She’s one of those girls in high school that all the popular guys like and want to date and snog with, but unlike other girls, she’s not so desperate for male attention.
Here’s a hard truth: In the black community with all it’s dysfunction and colorism, Beyonce is a prize. She’s the closest thing a keep-it-real black man can get to a white girl and still maintain his respect and street cred. Think I’m being harsh? Is home-wrecker Alicia Keyes married to her baby daddy? YES
Now look at the flip side. Is Lauryn Hill, beautiful, dark sister that she is, married to the dude who at least helped make five out of six of her kids? Jill Scott maintains her blind black-man worship while contemplating man-sharing al la Twitter. I was never good in math, but even a chick with her brain atrophied can see a pattern here.
Now back to Beyonce. Say what you may about her and her music, but she’s got a genius brain under that blond lace front. She did what women have done for ages and ages. She used her natural-born assets and worked them to her advantage and got what she wanted. This isn’t some Machiavellian plot, but simple, good ‘ol common sense. There’s no judgment here about the Mrs. doing what she did–she had absolutely no say so in how she would be configured upon conception, but smartly worked them to get resources, protection, security and kids who all have the same last name.
Dark girls with kinky hair are NOT THE PRIZE for balling black men, and…SO THE EFF WHAT?! You’re only ****e out of luck if you are illiterate in wall-reading. Many men of all shades of melanin think someone that looks like Lauryn Hill is THE prize. It was her failure to identify which type of man would prize her, and probably her stubbornness and keep-hope-alive pathology that hamstrung her from using it to her advantage.
There was a similar video featuring the heads of state of African countries who were all primarily married to light and/or white women. However, that video is no longer available on youtube...
Thanks for your reply, but you are communicating with someone who IS a dark black woman, therefore, trust me, I'm far more privy to the inner workings of colorism within the black community.
You may be more familiar with colorism as an issue but I have a good handle on how such 'tribalism' is considered among professional black males.
Seal and Russell Simmons are atypical and are in far different dating/marriage genres.
Leadbelly recorded "Yellow Gal" in 1941. But he also recorded "Big Fat Woman".
You are just a black woman hater and have nothing positive to say about black women period.
And people keep suggesting IR dating, how can you do that when most men typically date women of the same race? I am not approached by non-Black men so its not an option for me. Besides, I prefer to date within my own race because I want children who look like me. I am not interested in having mixed race children.
I dont hate black women...actually thats a ridiculous statement so far from the truth that its hilarious. First of all, there is no such group that exists called "black women"...lets be clear. If by black women you mean African American women, then I would say no I'm not too fond of that particular culture or subsect of African women (Africa is A HUGE CONTINENT). Its a must that we are specific and stray from broad terms. For some reason African Americans believe they are the only people of African descent that matter or their specific breeding is the only representation of African people. This is why I detest the term black and only use it just to communicate with people who dont know any better, to the detriment of perpetuating its use! SMH. At any rate, I looove women of African descent...Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, Belizeans, Afro Brazilian, Ethiopians, Guyanese, African descent women raised in European countries (Sade for example)....I LOVE LOVE these women...TOP CHOICE to me. African American women on the other hand, whom I've had the most experience with are victims of a bad breeding system that creates characteristics, and personality traits that are unfavorable to me. Not all, but I would say about a good 70% fall in this pile. Now the other 30% whom are usually raised in middle class communities, 2 parent home, well educated parents, attended diverse schools allowing them to be exposed to influences outside of the stereotypical African American community usually are the best African American women to date, these are the diamonds in the rough of African American women....in other words a Sandra and Denise Huxtable...LMAO!! a man who can find one of that particular type of African American woman is lucky. Or a Tia and Tamara type. Well rounded, grounded, smart, with strong values; not caught up in the stereotypical ****ery that plagues the other 70%.
Now as far as non-African descent women...I LOVE THEM AS WELL..and would marry a woman of European descent in a heartbeat. There is nothing wrong with mixed children, my son is half Ukrainian...and is a very happy child. LMAO
Again as I stated before you suffer from a limited perspective, and really need to open your eyes a little more. You should focus more on personal growth and less on finding a man.
Last edited by SoxCub Fan; 01-01-2012 at 12:25 PM..
And Beyonce, though not in any way her own doing, realized what a prize she was and she used it to her advantage. She is also no fool–her mother AND father made sure of that. She’s one of those girls in high school that all the popular guys like and want to date and snog with, but unlike other girls, she’s not so desperate for male attention.
Here’s a hard truth: In the black community with all it’s dysfunction and colorism, Beyonce is a prize. She’s the closest thing a keep-it-real black man can get to a white girl and still maintain his respect and street cred. Think I’m being harsh? Is home-wrecker Alicia Keyes married to her baby daddy? YES
Now look at the flip side. Is Lauryn Hill, beautiful, dark sister that she is, married to the dude who at least helped make five out of six of her kids? Jill Scott maintains her blind black-man worship while contemplating man-sharing al la Twitter. I was never good in math, but even a chick with her brain atrophied can see a pattern here.
Now back to Beyonce. Say what you may about her and her music, but she’s got a genius brain under that blond lace front. She did what women have done for ages and ages. She used her natural-born assets and worked them to her advantage and got what she wanted. This isn’t some Machiavellian plot, but simple, good ‘ol common sense. There’s no judgment here about the Mrs. doing what she did–she had absolutely no say so in how she would be configured upon conception, but smartly worked them to get resources, protection, security and kids who all have the same last name.
I think it's notable to mention that Jay-z is a fairly light complected black man himself. Jayz and beyonce are less than one color shade apart from one another. Lauryn Hill was with and had her children with Rohan Marley who is Bob Marleys son. Bob Marley was half white and Rohan is also a light complected black man who is even lighter complected than his father was. Much lighter than lauryn hill who is somewhat dark skinned.
Why is it when black women are single, it immediately comes down to race? I think black women who place there relationship issues on being black are not being real with themselves. It certainly isn't because they are black that they are single. Some of them have obvious personal issues like being overweight, bad attitude, past relationships issues that resulted in them already having a kid/kids but no father, etc. And others just aren't willing to accept what kind of guy that they truly deserve. They want better, but better doesn't want them.
We have to also remember that many blacks, both men and women are multicultural. Even though in america we don't acknowledge this for some reason. I know many light complected black men who preferred to marry and have kids with similarly light complected women. Which makes since to me to want a family and kids who have similar features to yourself.
Nyanna, I am noticing that you're only responding to the negative posters. Those who say that Chicago Black men are colorstruck, and those who say your only hope is for IR dating, those are the posters you choose to respond to.
Many posters, including myself, have told you that with a positive attitude about your self, you will have no trouble with finding positive motivated Black men to date. Yet those posts are ignored... So it looks to outsiders that you are surrounding yourself with negativity.
It's a new year, and you always have a choice. If you choose to believe that their are no Chicago Black men for you, that they all want light-skinned women, then that is what you will find.
But you can always make a different choice...
Okay, I will visit chicago and see if I like it. It's on my lists of cities I'd like to move to. My life is very stagnant right now and I just need a change in atmosphere
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