Singles in Darien/Downers Grove area????? (Chicago, Naperville: fit in, condo, Home Depot)
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Hi all...can anyone give me any tips on meeting 40-something singles in the Darien/Downers Grove area? I've been trying to find something on my own, with no success...
Please--don't anyone take any offense at the comments I'm about to make...I'm not being bitchy or critical. I'm just trying to be as honest as I can about my situation.
I've moved into my mom's condo due to a job loss, and after a long time living in another relatively liberal Chicago suburb, I'm really shocked at the conservatism of the people around here. Yes, it's mostly family-type people, but very, very conservative family-type people...as in Bible Belt-type conservative. Honesty, I feel like I'm living in Amish Land, or something...and, as I know I'm going to have to be here awhile, it's starting to drive me a little crazy.
I'm sure I'm not the only single who feels pretty invisible around here, and who is not comfortable with the proselytizing attitude that singles need to be herded into church and 'paired off' immediately for marriage. (I'm not a churchgoing person, anyway.) But, when I suggested to the director of the public library here that they schedule a couple of programs for singles (such as cooking or travel or art programs), she practically wagged her finger at me and said 'Shame on you!', as if I'd suggested holding an orgy. (This same library, however, offers a weekly story and song time for newborn infants. Newborns!)
Our condo complex is basically extremely young people, lots of newcomers (ie., immigrants) who tend to stick together, and lots and lots of seniors. The few people in the middle tend to skew 'older,' ie., they're in their forties but dress and act like their older parents. (My brother, who used to live out here, calls them 'pre-seniors.')
There are some activities around here, but they also skew kind of 'older' (ie., square dancing), and that just isn't me. And, I tried night classes and volunteering at a couple places, and the people were very nice...except they were mostly seniors.
I guess the next best thing would be to drive back to the city or to a more with-it suburb, but with the job search thing and looking after my mom, that just isn't possible right now. And, forget about the bar scene. I'm only 42 and look younger, but I've never been a fan of that and would like to meet people in a different kind of atmosphere.
In short, I'm definitely not wild, but I'm definitely not in this 'pre-senior', hyperreligious category, either.
Wow!! Too much info, right? Well, I just wanted to give you the lowdown. So, all that being said, any ideas out there?? I would be grateful for any leads you could give me. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kate
I live in the same neck of the woods that OP is talking about. I am generally a huge booster of the suburbs but I completely agree with the OP's assessment of the condo dwellers. Very heavily skewed toward seniors, and then a huge gap with newly married couples.
I think some it is just demographics, as my wife has friends that are in the "single and not retired" age range that do feel very out of place, but a big part is the fact that there is a lot of blurring as to what would be enjoyable out in the burbs that you would rather not drive to Chicago for. Really the work patterns and relative ease of commuting make the development of suburban nightlife a remote possibility.
The obvious step to try to simply meet more people is to use a selective online dating site, but the general feedback from both men and I know and those that confide in my wife is, to be kind, mixed. Similarly the feedback that I hear from co-workers about what seems like good ideas in a more professional service (like "its just lunch" or elite meetings or other places that are in the local papers) is not encouraging as some folks are very focused on marriage and others just want a way to meet more people...
The feed back I hear from folks that are real outdoorsy leads me to believe that if you do truly enjoy the Forest Preserves and things like canoeing the groups that focus on organizing those kinds of outings do tend to build some good connections, but a) very seasonal b) pretty time consuming c) not every one is out doorsy...
To be honest even when my wife and her gal pals go out for dinner to certain kinds of places w/o the guys they report that they sometimes get the "desperate singles" vibe, so a lot depends on "where" they are. They say it is WORST when they do a NoMichigan Ave shopping trip and head to Viagra Triangle (where they allegedy go 'for the food'... ), so not sure that heading into Chicago is going to be 'salvation'...
I guess I would not over look the organized stuff, but maybe try to realize that there is not really a huge cross section of folks in the burbs (or frankly even most parts of Chicago) that fit into your category. The "huddling" of folks that might be in similar situation to you are probably most likely to be in Lincoln Park or perhaps Oak Park...
I can't really answer your question, but I can provide a little validation. Recently I brought a team of collaborators from Europe to work indefinitely on a project here. Several with families moved to that area (for the public schools and access to facilities at Argonne National Lab). They were freaked out by the overt what-is-your-Church-home, Bible belt culture. I don't live there and have never experienced this first-hand -- would have cast it off as whining, but after relocating them to Hyde park I've heard nothing but rave reviews about Chicago. They don't ever want to leave. Beauty if very much in the eye of the beholder -- a few people I know who live out there tell me they'll only come to HP when they "get an armored tank." (a little ridiculous but whatever).
I have no idea how true or false this is, so no need for others to freak out on me. Just relating a story.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CubFanKate
Hi all...can anyone give me any tips on meeting 40-something singles in the Darien/Downers Grove area? I've been trying to find something on my own, with no success...
Please--don't anyone take any offense at the comments I'm about to make...I'm not being bitchy or critical. I'm just trying to be as honest as I can about my situation.
I've moved into my mom's condo due to a job loss, and after a long time living in another relatively liberal Chicago suburb, I'm really shocked at the conservatism of the people around here. Yes, it's mostly family-type people, but very, very conservative family-type people...as in Bible Belt-type conservative. Honesty, I feel like I'm living in Amish Land, or something...and, as I know I'm going to have to be here awhile, it's starting to drive me a little crazy.
I'm sure I'm not the only single who feels pretty invisible around here, and who is not comfortable with the proselytizing attitude that singles need to be herded into church and 'paired off' immediately for marriage. (I'm not a churchgoing person, anyway.) But, when I suggested to the director of the public library here that they schedule a couple of programs for singles (such as cooking or travel or art programs), she practically wagged her finger at me and said 'Shame on you!', as if I'd suggested holding an orgy. (This same library, however, offers a weekly story and song time for newborn infants. Newborns!)
Our condo complex is basically extremely young people, lots of newcomers (ie., immigrants) who tend to stick together, and lots and lots of seniors. The few people in the middle tend to skew 'older,' ie., they're in their forties but dress and act like their older parents. (My brother, who used to live out here, calls them 'pre-seniors.')
There are some activities around here, but they also skew kind of 'older' (ie., square dancing), and that just isn't me. And, I tried night classes and volunteering at a couple places, and the people were very nice...except they were mostly seniors.
I guess the next best thing would be to drive back to the city or to a more with-it suburb, but with the job search thing and looking after my mom, that just isn't possible right now. And, forget about the bar scene. I'm only 42 and look younger, but I've never been a fan of that and would like to meet people in a different kind of atmosphere.
In short, I'm definitely not wild, but I'm definitely not in this 'pre-senior', hyperreligious category, either.
Wow!! Too much info, right? Well, I just wanted to give you the lowdown. So, all that being said, any ideas out there?? I would be grateful for any leads you could give me. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kate
Sorry to say,most suburbs are family oriented. If you don't have children, or worse, are single it can get lonely. In this respect, Lake County is no different. Just seems to be more Catholic.
Downers grove is fairly heavily conservative as you've found out and i'd go as far to say it's almost a retirement city. Many 55+ condo buldings and residents that have been there for decades.
Luckily you're not far from naperville which has a much more to accommodate the single life. You can check out places like club mamalu and frankie's blue room downtown, also the key wester on 59 are more geared to the 35+ range.
Downers grove is fairly heavily conservative as you've found out and i'd go as far to say it's almost a retirement city. Many 55+ condo buldings and residents that have been there for decades.
Luckily you're not far from naperville which has a much more to accommodate the single life. You can check out places like club mamalu and frankie's blue room downtown, also the key wester on 59 are more geared to the 35+ range.
That sounds depressing. Might want to look into moving into the city if you get a lucky break and land a decent job in the near future.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CubFanKate
Hi all...can anyone give me any tips on meeting 40-something singles in the Darien/Downers Grove area? I've been trying to find something on my own, with no success...
Please--don't anyone take any offense at the comments I'm about to make...I'm not being bitchy or critical. I'm just trying to be as honest as I can about my situation.
I've moved into my mom's condo due to a job loss, and after a long time living in another relatively liberal Chicago suburb, I'm really shocked at the conservatism of the people around here. Yes, it's mostly family-type people, but very, very conservative family-type people...as in Bible Belt-type conservative. Honesty, I feel like I'm living in Amish Land, or something...and, as I know I'm going to have to be here awhile, it's starting to drive me a little crazy.
I'm sure I'm not the only single who feels pretty invisible around here, and who is not comfortable with the proselytizing attitude that singles need to be herded into church and 'paired off' immediately for marriage. (I'm not a churchgoing person, anyway.) But, when I suggested to the director of the public library here that they schedule a couple of programs for singles (such as cooking or travel or art programs), she practically wagged her finger at me and said 'Shame on you!', as if I'd suggested holding an orgy. (This same library, however, offers a weekly story and song time for newborn infants. Newborns!)
Our condo complex is basically extremely young people, lots of newcomers (ie., immigrants) who tend to stick together, and lots and lots of seniors. The few people in the middle tend to skew 'older,' ie., they're in their forties but dress and act like their older parents. (My brother, who used to live out here, calls them 'pre-seniors.')
There are some activities around here, but they also skew kind of 'older' (ie., square dancing), and that just isn't me. And, I tried night classes and volunteering at a couple places, and the people were very nice...except they were mostly seniors.
I guess the next best thing would be to drive back to the city or to a more with-it suburb, but with the job search thing and looking after my mom, that just isn't possible right now. And, forget about the bar scene. I'm only 42 and look younger, but I've never been a fan of that and would like to meet people in a different kind of atmosphere.
In short, I'm definitely not wild, but I'm definitely not in this 'pre-senior', hyperreligious category, either.
Wow!! Too much info, right? Well, I just wanted to give you the lowdown. So, all that being said, any ideas out there?? I would be grateful for any leads you could give me. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kate
Have you tried meetup.com? They have tons of listings, don't know if any would appeal to you. I'm single as well and it's really hard finding friends nearby. When I moved to Elgin I joined the neighborhood garden club. Some of the women I just don't click with, but I have made a few friends who enjoy going to craft fairs and garden walks.
Thanks to all the posters who took the time to reply...I appreciate all your help.
To tell the truth, I was worried that I was going to get a lot of "why you stuck-up little duche" responses...though as I said I certainly wasn't setting out to slam anyone for their lifestyle, age, etc. Glad to see the level of discourse on this site is higher than I expected!
I guess too I was just flabbergasted to find such a bed of conservatism so close to the city...I've been to Southern Il. and would have expected to find it there, or maybe out beyond Joliet where there are still farm communities, etc., but not out here. And, as I said, it's pretty extreme right where I'm at...like almost Napoleon Dynamite extreme!! (Especially pathetic are the clueless teenagers affecting hipper-than-thou attitudes that don't go any deeper than their knit caps and Eminem hoodies...beneath all the gear they're just as square as their parents, calling 22-year-old girls 'Ma'am', etc...I encounter a lot of them as clerks at the local stores, and, a lot of them are just miserable and angry and lost, stuck out here in the middle of the middle of nowhere, blasting their hardcore rap in the Home Depot parking lot, and I actually feel sorry for them.)
It's a little better in Downers with the downtown and all, but being broke right now I lack the funds for the chi-chi restaurants, etc.
I've spent most of my life in the Chicago suburbs and didn't realize this existed here. And, to quote one of the posters, it sure is depressing if it's like the last thing you expected.
I'll be honest and state that the plan right now is to keep my wits about me long enough to get back on my feet and move out. Banging my head against a wall and trying to change something that isn't going to be changed is a WOMBAT (a waste of money, brains, and time!).
Heck, maybe I should be concentrating full-bore on my job search, anyway.
The few people in the middle tend to skew 'older,' ie., they're in their forties but dress and act like their older parents.
Like adults? Shocking that people in their 40s would act so.
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), so not sure that heading into Chicago is going to be 'salvation'...
Come now!!!!
