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ParallelJJCat couldn't have expressed it any better. Death from end stage kidney failure can comes quickly and sneak up on you. Kiggy is free from pain and knows that you were there at the end.
The body was merely a container of the spirit. It is often hard to see the body after they have gone, but understand that Kiggy's spirit is free.
By posting your message, you have sent the story of your love for Kiggy around the world. Imagine how many people have thought of Kiggy today.
I'm so very sorry for your loss, and I completely understand the pain you're feeling.
In my case, it was the other side of the same coin...I couldn't believe my little man got ill so suddenly, it came out of nowhere, and I rushed him right in. They told me it was liver failure, and that he didn't have much time. I couldn't let go, I told them I would spend every single penny I have to give him more time, but he was just too far gone. I truly believed I could have saved him, and when he died despite all these efforts, I spent a lot of time blaming the vets, the medications, etc., anything to avoid the simple truth...it was his time, and I could have ended his suffering, but I was too terrified and out of my mind with grief and panic to understand that, all I knew was that I didn't want to be in a world where Humphrey wasn't there. The guilt has never left me, it pains me to this day that I forced him to hang on when all he wanted was to be set free. Please, be grateful you didn't put Kiggy through that, be at peace in the knowing that you spared her that pain. It's a mistake I will NEVER make again, because having lived through that particular hell, I now understand that it is a gift to be able to set them free when the time comes. I believe you did the right thing. My heart goes out to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's amazingly hard thing to go through. Please don't beat yourself up with 'what ifs' - sometimes you can do things at home that stretch it out, sometimes you can't - and there's no way to know. You did what you could and gave Kiggy a great life for 15 years - she knew she was loved. what more can a cat want? You gave a very difficult gift, to let her pass before it got worse (I have had a cat whose kidneys had failed go into unending seizure -it's not pretty). Remember her for the loving companion she was.
Oh, I'm so, so sorry! It is terribly difficult to process and cope with the loss of a dear friend. I want to echo everyone else: please do not feel guilty. You did your very best for Kiggy. She knew you loved her. She knew you would never hurt her or betray her. Her poor, sweet body just stopped working well, and you did the merciful thing.
I will share with you something my dear friend from Mexico shared with me. I hope it brings you some comfort. *What's important is the time Kiggy lived beside you.* Don't beat yourself up. You gave her a wonderful life, full of love. That's a love that's always with you, and that means Kiggy is always with you.
I wanted to add to what everyone else has told you, I am so very sorry for your loss and I truly do understand how broken hearted you are. I had to say goodbye to my baby girl Callie this past February after 13 years of life and love together. I still miss her terribly and I cried all day every day for weeks after she was gone. I believe that ParallelJJCat gave you an in depth and very honest response - you have nothing to be guilty about and you truly gave Kiggy the love and dignity she deserved, for the final time. You would only have prolonged her suffering and pain if you had made her continue to live. I agree, you were ill prepared for the final end - but the heartbreak of loss would feel the same either way. You will heal in time, and be reunited with the soul who waits for yours to join her on the other side. Forgive yourself - and be happy for the years you had together, and that you gave her one final gift of blessed relief. I am sending you a wish for peace. Take care.
I always tell my wife it is better that they died on us then us dying on them (so they never have to suffer from loss). You just have to assume you did the correct action; we have over a dozen stray cats as pets and at times some dogs and have had to put to sleep numerous pets over the years (it never gets easier). Find a better vet, some become hardened over time or are more concerned with bringing in money, many vets will come to your home if something like this should ever happen again (cats are an addiction).
Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. I know what that feels like, having been through this with another cat a few years ago, same kidney disease too. This was a cat only with us a few years, but that doesn't make it any easier. Her kidney disease was diagnosed many months if not a year earlier, but that doesn't make it any easier. Sure, we knew it had to be coming sooner or later, but that damn well doesn't make it any easier. And I second guess the timing of it all too, even 3 years later. Time eventually makes it so you can get by, but time will never truly erase the sadness. I still have my other cat, the one that's been with me for all of her 16 years (apart from a few weeks at the beginning of her life). Someday this time will come for her too, and it could be sudden or not, and it really won't matter as I'll fall apart equally either way.
Really though, at least try to console yourself with the idea that you did not make a wrong decision here. There is no wrong decision. It's just nuance. There's no way of knowing the outcome either way. You have a cat who is suffering greatly from an end stage disease. Could she have lived another few days? Weeks even? Longer? It's possible. Would it have been good quality time? That doesn't seem very likely. And that's what I have to tell myself with ours. For weeks and months there was vomiting and diarrhea, not eating well, etc. That's no life.
It's certainly reasonable to feel rushed and perhaps not well informed. But then not all vets are especially well informed it seems with kidney disease in cats. If I had it to do over again, we would have done more things after her initial diagnosis. Maybe it wouldn't have changed her length of stay one bit, but it might have added months or years. Her vet never brought up such ideas as sub-q fluids, etc. I only learned about them later, when it was too late.
As I see it, you made the right choice. Maybe it was one of multiple right choices, but still the right choice. Your cat was suffering, possibly not to recover, and you chose to end her suffering, because you can. That's not betrayal. That's doing the best you can do at the end for your friend.
I am very sorry for your loss, it is heart breaking. We all, at some point, play the, "what if" game and in many cases, we shouldn't do that.
Your vet, as was stated before, failed you by not giving you all of the information.
You did what you thought was right with the information you WERE given, although it wasn't much.
Fifteen years is a good life for a kitteh and I know what you're thinking but you can't. Your kitteh obviously had issues that would have brought on the inevitable soon.
You held her, as she went to sleep. You were there for her in her life, and you were there, by her side, holding her, while she passed. I can think of no other possible way to perfectly comfort an animal nor a human than that way.
The grief of losing a pet that you loved so much like you did your little kitteh is overwhelming and horribly painful enough as it is. Do not add self doubt nor beat yourself up over your decision.
We all want just that last moment, just one more day, what if today is too early, what if, what if, what if...no, don't do it. She was sick. She wasn't going to get better. It was her time to go and you were there for her when she needed you.
Again, I'm so sorry. Words will never fill your empty heart but eventually, your fond memories of her, the waiting at the door, the seeing you off, your little buddy's antics and the joy she brought you while she was there, will fill that hole. It will take some time. It may take a long time...but she will fill it.
Location: the wrong side of the tracks Richmond, VA
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Awww Kiggy So sorry to hear this.
I agree with other posters that your vet should have given you more information but you should feel good knowing that you did the right thing given the information you had. The what if will drive you crazy... focus on the fact that you were there for her when she needed you and did what you did out of love for her.
As far as I see it, even the vets don't know. Numbers are one thing... but there are other forces at work there, including the animal's own will to carry on and fight it. I have a 15-year-old whose health took a turn for the worse very suddenly about a year ago for no apparent reason (vet tests showed nothing) but instead of torturing her with endless vet visits, we decided as long as she is using the litter box, eating and purring up a storm as usual, we will just let her do her thing until she tells me she's done. I often tell her that... "you'll tell me when you're ready, right?" And I can see in her eyes that though she's frail, she's still got the fight in her. She's slow these days but will surprise me every now and then by playing with her 1 year old brothers.
If it were me, I'd want to go just like Kiggy did. You saved her from any further suffering and comforted her. She was not alone. She was loved. Loved so much that her human did something that would break their own heart just so she would no longer have to suffer. To me that's a brave thing to do and you should feel good about doing what you did as you did it selflessly and out of love for your loyal friend.
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I wanted to add to what everyone else has told you, I am so very sorry for your loss and I truly do understand how broken hearted you are. I had to say goodbye to my baby girl Callie this past February after 13 years of life and love together. I still miss her terribly and I cried all day every day for weeks after she was gone. I believe that ParallelJJCat gave you an in depth and very honest response - you have nothing to be guilty about and you truly gave Kiggy the love and dignity she deserved, for the final time. You would only have prolonged her suffering and pain if you had made her continue to live. I agree, you were ill prepared for the final end - but the heartbreak of loss would feel the same either way. You will heal in time, and be reunited with the soul who waits for yours to join her on the other side. Forgive yourself - and be happy for the years you had together, and that you gave her one final gift of blessed relief. I am sending you a wish for peace. Take care.
