[temptation001]

Originally Posted by Rainbow Island

Glad you enjoy it. I do too!

Me too. I am actually cheating on my city thread (and state,lol), to come here. Lmao.

[Suncoast Guy]

Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

[Suncoast Guy]

An elementary school teacher decides to pole the class on the difficulty of last night's homework assignment:

Duh ... shouldn't that be: "poll" the class, unless she was making a point ... WITH A POINTED STICK!

[Suncoast Guy]

"I'd like to order a bar pizza," the idiot says.

"Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices," the barmaid asks.

"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

[Rainbow Island]

[SIZE=4]A teacher was explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she said.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]A little girl raised her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,” she told the class.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to tell the story. “Well,” the little girl began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty-cat and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start, and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!” [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]“That must've been scary,” said the teacher.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]“It sure was,” said the little girl. “My kitty-cat raised her back, went, “ Sssss, Sssss, Sssss,” and before she could say 'S***,' the Rottweiler ate her!” [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]The teacher had to leave the room. [/SIZE]

[sandgirl]

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"
The young engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

[sandgirl]

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman.

My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my bum is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby"

She turns to her husband and says....."Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself"

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice........"Well......there's nothing wrong with your eyesight".

[sandgirl]

HEY, LADIES...Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

And, whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[sandgirl]

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says," A circumcision."

The second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy! I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

[Rainbow Island]

The haircut
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I

can get a haircut?



The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About

2 hours.' The guy left.



A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked

How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at

The shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left.



A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked,

'How long before I can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a

half...' The guy left.





The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor.

Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he

Has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.'



A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing

hysterically.



The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy go when he leaves?' Bob

looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your house.