Teen and Unplanned Pregnancies: Adoption Plans, Safe Havens, and Prevention Efforts (newborn, baby)
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Moderator Cut. Most of the women are in complete denial that they are pregnant and don't recognize that they have had a baby. They aren't thinking logically and definitely not thinking about a paper trail or their "child" tracking them down in the future.
They have found that these safe haven laws don't work. These women are in such a state of mind that they aren't thinking about the welfare of the baby and no safe haven law is going to fix that. These women are still abandoning babies in unsafe places. The women who did use the safe haven would most likely have made an adoption plan if the law didn't exist.
Right! And they also would most likely get prenatal care so that the health of their infants and themselves does not suffer. Instead, this law has made it too easy for preg. women to abandon instead of making a responsible choice.
The first link is to a study done 10 years ago. The second cites the first study and discusses age limits within Safe Haven laws. Nebraska changed its age limits, as did other states I believe. Need to check.
But this is only one report. Where are the others? From non-adoption agencies. More like, state statistics and child welfare offices.
BTW, not liking safe haven laws is your choice, so you really don't have to post any additional links. It's not likely they will change my mind and I'm really not trying to change yours. I'm just supporting my opinion.
We need to look at why women abandon their child. It is usually fear, plain and simple. Usually, they are from strict and often religious backgrounds where they are terrified of telling their parents. They often live at home. There may be people in their lives who suspect they are pregnant but never say anything - those people should make a point to let the girl know that they know she is pregnant, be supportive in a non-judgmental way and to help her find help.
In regards to those who abandon their child but try to do so in a safe way (eg where they can guarantee the child is found), again it is fear of anyone knowing they are pregnant. It is not even anything to do with not wanting to raise the child - it is the fear that their family will know they were pregnant and thus that they had sex. That's the thing of course about pregnancy - it is a result of sex. Even in every day life, we seem to judge a woman more if she has had 4 children from 4 men (even if they are the only 4 men she has ever slept with) than if she slept with 100s of men and didn't get pregnant to any of them. Perhaps we judge the woman with the 4 children from 4 men because that is proof she has had sex with them - we can ignore the woman who has slept with 100s of men because we see no physical proof of it.
In regards to safe haven laws, Wiki says this:
Quote:
Detractors[who?] also claim that safe-haven laws undercut temporary surrender laws, which were enacted specifically for parents who are unsure about whether to keep or relinquish their children
Does anyone know anything about the temporary surrender laws?
We need to look at why women abandon their child. It is usually fear, plain and simple. Usually, they are from strict and often religious backgrounds where they are terrified of telling their parents. They often live at home. There may be people in their lives who suspect they are pregnant but never say anything - those people should make a point to let the girl know that they know she is pregnant, be supportive in a non-judgmental way and to help her find help.
In regards to those who abandon their child but try to do so in a safe way (eg where they can guarantee the child is found), again it is fear of anyone knowing they are pregnant. It is not even anything to do with not wanting to raise the child - it is the fear that their family will know they were pregnant and thus that they had sex. That's the thing of course about pregnancy - it is a result of sex. Even in every day life, we seem to judge a woman more if she has had 4 children from 4 men (even if they are the only 4 men she has ever slept with) than if she slept with 100s of men and didn't get pregnant to any of them. Perhaps we judge the woman with the 4 children from 4 men because that is proof she has had sex with them - we can ignore the woman who has slept with 100s of men because we see no physical proof of it.
I completely agree. It is the condescending, judgemental, graceless attitude towards pregnant teen girls that contributes to this very problem. That attitude that these girls are trashy, or not smart, or incapable of controlling themselves. It's the "my daughter would never do that" or "I raised a good girl" parents who contribute to this problem. Not just religious conservatives. I see this judgemental attitude towards women and girls even from APs, from the very people who are raising the children of these women.
My heart would break if my girls got pregnant and were so scared to come to me that they resorted to a baby drop. But then, I also wouldn't try to force an abortion or adoption on then either, and i wouldn't think they were ruined for life. Sadly, many parents do make their daughters feel that way, or make then feel they might feel that way.
If we had more compassion to pregnant teens, we'd likely not need these baby drops. But many people believe compassion is the same thing as condoning premarital teen sex and can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that when the virginity ship has sailed, you aren't condoning it by showing a little bit of grace.
I completely agree. It is the condescending, judgemental, graceless attitude towards pregnant teen girls that contributes to this very problem. That attitude that these girls are trashy, or not smart, or incapable of controlling themselves. It's the "my daughter would never do that" or "I raised a good girl" parents who contribute to this problem. Not just religious conservatives. I see this judgemental attitude towards women and girls even from APs, from the very people who are raising the children of these women.
My heart would break if my girls got pregnant and were so scared to come to me that they resorted to a baby drop. But then, I also wouldn't try to force an abortion or adoption on then either, and i wouldn't think they were ruined for life. Sadly, many parents do make their daughters feel that way, or make then feel they might feel that way.
If we had more compassion to pregnant teens, we'd likely not need these baby drops. But many people believe compassion is the same thing as condoning premarital teen sex and can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that when the virginity ship has sailed, you aren't condoning it by showing a little bit of grace.
If there were a baby drop back in the sixties, some of us would have used them. My mother prayed for a miscarriage, and if abortion were legal, you betcha she would have marched me in for one. I can't believe any mother of a daughter from today would have the same attitude as most of our mothers from the sixties beheld, but alas, all one would have to do is read this forum, and the condemnation toward woman with crisis pregnancies is still alive and well. Not you, of course. I appreciate your candor and empathy.
Let's say for a minute that 99 out of 100 women who would abandon a child are mentally deranged.
It may very well be true that a rational solution to this problems such as a "Safe Haven Law" may accomplish nothing for them.
However, it would still accomplish something for the 1 out of 100 that is choosing to abandon her baby because she doesn't want to fool with adoption counselors, lawyers, long consent forms, relatives who are hellbent on talking her out of relinquishing her baby, dealing with an abusive birth father, and the stigma that is often placed on women today who do relinquish children for adoption.
Providing a "safe haven" for this 1 baby out of a 100, seems to me to justify these laws. It may make little difference for the bulk of women who would abandon a child. Yet, if only a few are saved because of such laws than they are worthwhile.
If there were a baby drop back in the sixties, some of us would have used them. My mother prayed for a miscarriage, and if abortion were legal, you betcha she would have marched me in for one. I can't believe any mother of a daughter from today would have the same attitude as most of our mothers from the sixties beheld, but alas, all one would have to do is read this forum, and the condemnation toward woman with crisis pregnancies is still alive and well. Not you, of course. I appreciate your candor and empathy.
I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry, as trite as that sounds. My parents would have been way less than thrilled, but I think they would have been ok in the end. I think. Of course, this also would have been the 80s.
I would prefer my daughters not get pregnant young, of course, (Must put that caveat in there so as not to sound like I'm condoning it ) but if they did, we'd handle it ok. My husband and I have talked extensively about it, actually. We would rather they not get an abortion (I legally support it as well as a women's choice to decide for herself, but I'm morally opposed to it on a personal level) or put their child up for adoption (we have witnessed firsthand the pain that can cause). We'd help them 150% and support them through finishing their education, etc. I personally believe that is precisely what parents are for- to support their children when they make mistakes. But of course the decision (adoption, abortion, parenting) would be theirs and we would support them.
I suppose it helps that my husband and I can recognize that it could have easily been either of us in that position. It's 2013. I'm not going to pretend like I didn't have sex before I got married. Contrary to popular opinion, most unplanned pregnancies aren't due to lack if birth control but the failure of birth control.
Quite frankly, with a supportive family, a girl or young woman with an unplanned pregnancy can do just fine. Shocker, I know, but it's true, really. I've seen it with me own two eyes.
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) but if they did, we'd handle it ok. My husband and I have talked extensively about it, actually. We would rather they not get an abortion (I legally support it as well as a women's choice to decide for herself, but I'm morally opposed to it on a personal level) or put their child up for adoption (we have witnessed firsthand the pain that can cause). We'd help them 150% and support them through finishing their education, etc. I personally believe that is precisely what parents are for- to support their children when they make mistakes. But of course the decision (adoption, abortion, parenting) would be theirs and we would support them. 
Shocker, I know, but it's true, really. I've seen it with me own two eyes. 
