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When did the custom in this country turn to cash gifts for weddings? Is this, in fact, the new way?
I think it is extremely tacky.
It actually transistioned from days of yore when a Dowry was the system to take a bride. Her family and close "well to do'rs" would pull together money to have her be chosen as the mate for a person in a higher class . Or sometimes to simply ship her off and be rid of her.
Today funds are usually the go to as the couple may wish to invest in real estate or a career degree that benefits them.
Yes it can be opined that its tacky since wedding "gifts" normally have a longer shelf life then some cash.
When did the custom in this country turn to cash gifts for weddings? Is this, in fact, the new way?
I think it is extremely tacky.
Most couples aren't moving out on their own for the first time when they get married, which is what most traditional wedding gifts are for. They don't need towels and a blender. Some might use the tradition as an opportunity to upgrade their stuff, but many don't need to.
Actually, no registry does not mean anything. I was in my 30s when my husband and I married. We didn't register. We actually didn't want gifts. I would find getting money embarrassing. It is considered in poor taste for some reason, to put no gifts please on the invitations. Although maybe it wouldn't be anymore as etiquette seems to be a bygone thing. ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by clevergirl67
We put "Please, no presents; your presence is gift enough." on our invitations twenty-ish years ago. I didn't know that it was consider bad etiquette.
^^^ Exactly this!! Why on earth would saying "no gifts" be considered in poor taste?
If my SO and I ever get married (unlikely at this point), I would be horrified to GET gifts. My idea of a perfect wedding would be to set up my big, beautiful backyard with some tents or something, decorate with lots of flowers (some of which I will have grown), bring in lots of great food and drink for the occasion, play some great music to dance to after the ceremony, and definitely write NO GIFTS on the invitations (or even WE PREFER NO GIFTS, BUT IF YOU INSIST, PLEASE GIVE TO THE CHARITY OF YOUR CHOICE).
I know that tastes (and apparently expectations) differ, but if it is now "expected" to give large gifts of CASH to people just because they are getting married, then UGH -- just UGH. The EXPECTATION of cash, often what seems to me to be huge amounts of cash, is what seems really tacky to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavymind
Leave it to our modern culture to monetize every damn thing, even a wedding.
Here's a thought: no money. In their 30s and already set in their own home and professional careers? Give them a special and unique gift that they will hopefully use and enjoy together as a married couple. Could be a tangible item or a gift card to a restaurant.
^^^ That is the kind of gift that would be fun to get, even if I asked for NONE. But if it were to become a trend, I wonder if people would still try to out-do each other with the biggest and best gifts.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SFBayBoomer
When did the custom in this country turn to cash gifts for weddings? Is this, in fact, the new way?
I think it is extremely tacky.
See, I think that too. People have always given money at weddings, because they feel like it.
To have no options, or a gracious statement about "cash is very welcome but we will certainly cherish any sentimental items our friends and family wish to give us", type of thing, is completely lacking here.
Etiquette has sprouted sings and flown out the window in this case. Traditionally, you are supposed to make the person feel welcome and special as your guest, and you kind of act like gifts are not expected or primary (although of course they are expected in reality).
Also, when couples are waiting until near middle-age and are well established when they marry, they don't need anything. And that was part of the idea of giving gifts to newlyweds to help them establish a bare minimum household.
To have no options, or a gracious statement about "cash is very welcome but we will certainly cherish any sentimental items our friends and family wish to give us", type of thing, is completely lacking here.
But do people really "cherish" sentimental items like this? Some people are good gift givers, and know what a couple wants, but thrift stores are full of ugly and useless things that people have gotten as gifts. Many people don't want to hang on to some hideous angel figurine that Great Aunt Margaret sent, just because she'll be offended if she doesn't see it displayed at Christmas.
A lot of people see weddings as gift grabs, but I also don't think we need to hold on to outdated ideas of etiquette. We shouldn't have to dance around the idea that many people want to give a wedding gift, and want to know where a couple is registered or if they don't want gifts at all. Wedding websites make that easier, in the past you'd have to call around like a detective.
^^^ Exactly this!! Why on earth would saying "no gifts" be considered in poor taste?
Because you are being invited to be a guest at the event. Gifts are not mandatory or required.
"No gifts please" dictates to the wedding guests how they should or shouldn't spend their money.
Miss Manners says:
"Any suggestions from you, unless specifically requested by an individual guest, are improper. This includes a ban on stating 'No gifts' because, although less greedy than the attempt to pick one's own present, this also assumes some sort of payment is taken for granted."
Because you are being invited to be a guest at the event. Gifts are not mandatory or required.
"No gifts please" dictates to the wedding guests how they should or shouldn't spend their money.
Miss Manners says:
"Any suggestions from you, unless specifically requested by an individual guest, are improper. This includes a ban on stating 'No gifts' because, although less greedy than the attempt to pick one's own present, this also assumes some sort of payment is taken for granted."
I do understand what you're saying -- except that gifts pretty much ARE expected these days!! So for "Miss Manners" to say that stating "No gifts" "also assumes some sort of payment is taken for granted" is disingenuous because 99% of the time (I actually think more), some sort of gift IS expected -- and these days it appears that Godzilla gifts are expected by many. UGH.
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