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His brother got a divorce, but his wife owned the house so he had no where to go. He's a cook, I'm assuming he should've had enough money to rent an apartment or maybe he had no extra money. I think his stay with us would have been permanent had he not later moved in with his other brother. I don't know why he didn't just move in with his other brother instead of first staying with us. He stayed with us for about a week or 2.
My mom values her personal space and doesn't like living with other people, but that's probably most people. She can't be herself if someone else is there, she's not comfortable. In the afternoons when his brother returned from work my mom would walk upstairs and hangout with my aunt, my aunt lived upstairs. I wonder, what if he did stay with us permanently, would my stepdad be wrong for allowing that? Would my mom want a divorce or would there be tension and she would continue to leave whenever he's home. It seems that most people think you should put your spouses feelings first before even your closest family member? On the other hand, he knew his brother and had a brotherly bond with him way before meeting my mom so perhaps his brother should come first? Is there a right answer?
That's between your mom and stepdad to discuss / negotiate. There aren't any hard and fast rules.
Here's a case in point. A co-worker of mine (in her late 40s) because her grown daughter was unstable and unable to properly take care of her son, took over care of her two year old grandchild. I asked her what her husband thought about it (second marriage). She said that her husband absolutely hated the idea and taking on all the responsibility at that stage in their lives but that her husband knew if was something she could not NOT do and given that he was going to be their to support her and go along with it.
His brother got a divorce, but his wife owned the house so he had no where to go. He's a cook, I'm assuming he should've had enough money to rent an apartment or maybe he had no extra money. I think his stay with us would have been permanent had he not later moved in with his other brother. I don't know why he didn't just move in with his other brother instead of first staying with us. He stayed with us for about a week or 2.
My mom values her personal space and doesn't like living with other people, but that's probably most people. She can't be herself if someone else is there, she's not comfortable. In the afternoons when his brother returned from work my mom would walk upstairs and hangout with my aunt, my aunt lived upstairs. I wonder, what if he did stay with us permanently, would my stepdad be wrong for allowing that? Would my mom want a divorce or would there be tension and she would continue to leave whenever he's home. It seems that most people think you should put your spouses feelings first before even your closest family member? On the other hand, he knew his brother and had a brotherly bond with him way before meeting my mom so perhaps his brother should come first? Is there a right answer?
Not sure why you are worried about what ifs. It was 2 weeks and he is gone and your mom did not file for divorce.
If your mom values personal space so much I dont get why she would hang out with your aunt (her sister?) who lived upstairs. (In the same house, an apartment?) Seems like she would still be more comfortable in her own home.
Where was your stepdad when his brother came home from work?
There is no right or wrong answer but in my family we help other family members in need including providing a temporary living arrangement in our homes if need be. That does not mean it is the right thing for everyone.
When my parents were first married my dad's sister and 4 or 5 kids stayed with them for a while when she was having marital problems. Mom was a neat freak and had not had children yet. Between my distraught aunt and her 4 or 5 kids under foot all day mom almost had a nervous breakdown and had to see a shrink.
His brother got a divorce, but his wife owned the house so he had no where to go. He's a cook, I'm assuming he should've had enough money to rent an apartment or maybe he had no extra money. I think his stay with us would have been permanent had he not later moved in with his other brother. I don't know why he didn't just move in with his other brother instead of first staying with us. He stayed with us for about a week or 2.
My mom values her personal space and doesn't like living with other people, but that's probably most people. She can't be herself if someone else is there, she's not comfortable. In the afternoons when his brother returned from work my mom would walk upstairs and hangout with my aunt, my aunt lived upstairs. I wonder, what if he did stay with us permanently, would my stepdad be wrong for allowing that? Would my mom want a divorce or would there be tension and she would continue to leave whenever he's home. It seems that most people think you should put your spouses feelings first before even your closest family member? On the other hand, he knew his brother and had a brotherly bond with him way before meeting my mom so perhaps his brother should come first? Is there a right answer?
It seems like you are asking a moot question. It is none of your business, it is between your mother and your step-dad. Maybe you expect different things with how your stepdad treats his family than how your mother treats hers. This doesn't even seem like a real issue.
Not sure why you are worried about what ifs. It was 2 weeks and he is gone and your mom did not file for divorce.
If your mom values personal space so much I dont get why she would hang out with your aunt (her sister?) who lived upstairs. (In the same house, an apartment?) Seems like she would still be more comfortable in her own home.
Where was your stepdad when his brother came home from work?
There is no right or wrong answer but in my family we help other family members in need including providing a temporary living arrangement in our homes if need be. That does not mean it is the right thing for everyone.
When my parents were first married my dad's sister and 4 or 5 kids stayed with them for a while when she was having marital problems. Mom was a neat freak and had not had children yet. Between my distraught aunt and her 4 or 5 kids under foot all day mom almost had a nervous breakdown and had to see a shrink.
Yes the same house. She's comfortable with my aunt because that's her sister. They've known each other for all their lives. My mom is only comfortable around certain people, probably only close female family members. His brother came home at like 3pm while my step dad comes home about 5pm.
Did your mom want his sister and kids living with them? If she did had an issue I'm assuming it wasn't serious enough to want a divorce.
Since you indicated in other forums that you don't have enough free time to investigate and study topics that are of high interest to you, I suggest that you stop thinking about something that (a) is none of your business, (b) is over and no longer an issue; (c) doesn't seem to be important to those directly involved.
It seems like you are asking a moot question. It is none of your business, it is between your mother and your step-dad. Maybe you expect different things with how your stepdad treats his family than how your mother treats hers. This doesn't even seem like a real issue.
My dilemma is I thought once you get married you're suppose to put your spouse's needs and feelings before any one else's. It may not be my business, but I do want to know if my step dad is being nice and my mom is in the wrong or is he unjustifiably putting his brother before my mom.
My dilemma is I thought once you get married you're suppose to put your spouse's needs and feelings before any one else's. It may not be my business, but I do want to know if my step dad is being nice and my mom is in the wrong or is he unjustifiably putting his brother before my mom.
My BIL stayed with us for about a month when he first split up with his wife. Was I thrilled about it? No, but he is my husband’s brother and he needed a helping hand for a while.
I doubt you know what “negotiations” went on between your mother and stepfather, since it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, and as several other posters have pointed out, it’s a moot point since he only stayed “a week or two.”
His brother got a divorce, but his wife owned the house so he had no where to go. He's a cook, I'm assuming he should've had enough money to rent an apartment or maybe he had no extra money. I think his stay with us would have been permanent had he not later moved in with his other brother. I don't know why he didn't just move in with his other brother instead of first staying with us. He stayed with us for about a week or 2.
My mom values her personal space and doesn't like living with other people, but that's probably most people. She can't be herself if someone else is there, she's not comfortable. In the afternoons when his brother returned from work my mom would walk upstairs and hangout with my aunt, my aunt lived upstairs. I wonder, what if he did stay with us permanently, would my stepdad be wrong for allowing that? Would my mom want a divorce or would there be tension and she would continue to leave whenever he's home. It seems that most people think you should put your spouses feelings first before even your closest family member? On the other hand, he knew his brother and had a brotherly bond with him way before meeting my mom so perhaps his brother should come first? Is there a right answer?
It's all relevent to what each person wants to tolerate and what they don't want to tolerate. I'm sure your Stepdad spoke to your Mom about this prior to letting him come stay. If she had a big problem with it I'm assuming he would have told the brother "no". Maybe your Mom was ok with the short stay of 2 weeks, and I doubt that is something that would push someone into divorce.
If your Mom was ok with it and said yes, she probably just wants to be private during his stay. Not a big deal if he only stayed two weeks.
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