Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I guess it's my turn to compose a convoluted novel-length narrative that I hope people here have the patience for and can follow. You seem to be pretty good at it, and I'm bored.
To begin at the beginning, my family moved south when I was a child, a thousand miles away from the rest of the extended family on both sides. We visited in the summer, but of course were never really as close as those who stayed behind. Over the years we all made some effort to keep in touch - writing, then calling and sending cards - but they never had a reason to come down here, and whenever I traveled as an adult, it was to the southeast beaches.
Lately I've been traveling more in retirement and last year, for the first time, went to The City, where a couple of first cousins live. I was excited to contact the one to whom I was closest in the past and ask if we could get together when I arrived the next week. I happened to send a text simply because I was away from my laptop and due to my excitement at the time (normally, I'd have emailed, as I carry only limited "pay as you go" talk and text; I am NOT a phone person). She texted back that the other cousin had a meeting that day, but yes, also seemingly excited. Over the course of the next week, MANY texts about it which I didn't really think were necessary; typical text blah blah blah. We had made arrangements. I asked her to email me instead, as that's "free" and I also much prefer it, but that never happened. But okay...
I happened to want very much to go to a particular outdoor venue that day; in fact, that was my sole mission on this trip, and she had agreed to go along with me. She then began texting me that the weather was going to be bad and it would be crazy to be out in it (indeed, as it was a tropical storm). However, I wasn't dissuaded and told her I'd be going anyway. She CLEARLY didn't even want to come to the city in that weather, and I wasn't changing my mind (I did in fact go), so I finally told her, look, I'll be back; there will be other opportunities. We'll get together another time when you won't have to come out in the bad weather. She texts, "So you want to be alone?" I texted (because she still wouldn't email or respond to my emails), "No, that's not it, but I don't want to drag you out in weather you clearly don't want to deal with."
And that's where it stood.
Again, I'm NOT a phone person. I only even got these texts when I just happened to rarely turn my phone on, and when I'm out enjoying myself, I never, ever turn it on, especially on my vacations. But apparently during the course of this day, she had texted me at the last minute that the other cousin, her sibling, who also lives nearby, wanted to join me that day and she would, too; please join their group text! I got many, MANY texts that day within their group text. Not having my phone on (we'd settled it), I never got them.
Apparently, she took this as a personal affront, as I never heard from her again, even after I got them and responded to them by email after returning home, explaining the situation at length (including a trip review; the weather was miserable, and she would've hated it). She never responded. Finally, wondering, I asked by text if she got my email, and she tersely said yes. I figured she was p*ssed. Okay; whatever!
Fast-forward a year: I'm coming back. I thought, "Why not?" so texted her (her preferred method) that I'm returning; shall we try again? NO RESPONSE. Again, okay; whatever... She's ticked off or not interested...
TWELVE looooong days later, a reply text: "When are you thinking of coming?" Well, I was just returning; that was almost two weeks ago, hello? So much for her preferred method of texting for expediency! But again, I said I'd be back and would keep in touch. "I'll email you, and PLEASE EMAIL ME INSTEAD," I asked again.
Indeed, a month later, I was scheduled to travel there again and emailed her the date (not negotiable), asking if either she or the other cousin could make it, but understanding if they couldn't. As a reply, I got:
"We tried to meet you last time, but you never responded to our texts." (I had already explained why in an email - I didn't have my phone on, I'm not a phone person, I pay for each text and have limited capacity, I'm sorry I missed you, etc.) She continued, "So if you want to see us, I will have to start a group text."
I emailed back, "There isn't that much to discuss at this point. CAN either of you make it on that date, as that's the only day I'll be there? Yes or no? If you're free, just let me know, and we'll take it from there!"
Her cold reply: "(Name,) I have already explained to you that we will have to communicate by text and not by email. I am attaching the email where I told you this (and she did). If you are interested in seeing us, you will have to respond to us by group text." (Mind, this is a retired person who posts on Facebook all day long, but doesn't have time for email; okay...)
At this point I'm exasperated. This family reunion is WAY too much work! It's sounding like a control issue. I reply, "OMG, seriously? We can't even just confirm the date by email? Honestly, it seems like neither of us is very interested in getting together. Take care." No reply, but then that was an email, and text is required!
This is not the first person to insist we communicate by phone/text and not email and be personally offended at my not being on the phone all the time, ever responsive to their endless texts and calls, takes it personally, and basically cuts me off as a result -- or at least threatens to... Again, I'm like "whatever," but I am also amazed/disturbed by this whole email versus text conflict. If she just isn't interested, okay, but if it's really about the phone?
That's just weird and almost comical!
Your thoughts?
Last edited by otterhere; 04-18-2024 at 08:39 AM..
It's 2024. Most people have unlimited text, and it's the easiest and most expeditious way to communicate, especially when multiple people are involved. And you're sending mixed messages and confusing matters by sometimes texting, sometimes not. Even after establishing that you prefer email, you text. Sorry OP, but you're the frustrating one in this situation. I get that you're a luddite, but don't expect others to cater to that.
Texting is more common and practical. I can get notifications on my phone when a new text comes in. I don't know if I can get notifications from emails. If I could, I wouldn't turn it on because I get so many spam emails throughout the day.
I absolutely want texts when I'm traveling and meeting people. Even in the car if I get a text I can have Siri read it to me while I'm driving. Yes, I want to know if someone is running late, if they can't make it, if I need to pick something up along the way.
I know you say you're not a phone/text person but times have changed. While I was typing this I got a text from a customer and replied. If he had emailed, I may not check until later this afternoon. And that said, I can choose whether or not to answer right now, I'm not a slave to my phone. Since he's a great customer I took the 10 seconds to answer him. It's great customer service.
Being able to text, email, and call is a great thing to do. I get that your not a phone person and thats fine. You want to communicate by email only, well, what do you do in situations like that? You don't use your phone when out, so you can't check your email for any possible changes in plan and obviously you don't carry your laptop, computer, or tablet opened and ready at any given moment, so, then how would you expect them to get a hold of you? If I made plans with someone who does only emails for communication and something maybe came up or maybe I need to change the time or something, and the only way to get a hold of them is by email, I would not want to make plans either. That means then I would have to wait and hope that they see my email within a reasonable amount of time. That would also mean that I would have to constantly open my emails to see if they responded. Point is that it would make it much easier for both parties to communicate in real time. I'm not going to waste my time with someone who is hard to communicate with.
It is 2024 and human communication has changed over the last decade. You want to be in touch with people - you have to progress.
I will not pick up the phone when I am busy for whatever reason but generally make the time for a quick "can I get back to you in 30". Most of our circle are busy professionals and work with schedules. The idea of calling SO when he is on a play date does not even occur to me. well, unless there is blood. Make that more than a broken nose kind of blood. Text does not cost much. But again that depends on how much friends and family or reminders for vet/doctor/dentist/... are worth it to an individual.
Email is hit or miss. So is voice mail.
This sounds like a rather standard - my way or the highway. It seems to voic your "alone" threads as that is self induced. Live and let live and life will be a lot more pleasant.
Texting is more common and practical. I can get notifications on my phone when a new text comes in. I don't know if I can get notifications from emails. If I could, I wouldn't turn it on because I get so many spam emails throughout the day.
I absolutely want texts when I'm traveling and meeting people. Even in the car if I get a text I can have Siri read it to me while I'm driving. Yes, I want to know if someone is running late, if they can't make it, if I need to pick something up along the way.
I know you say you're not a phone/text person but times have changed. While I was typing this I got a text from a customer and replied. If he had emailed, I may not check until later this afternoon. And that said, I can choose whether or not to answer right now, I'm not a slave to my phone. Since he's a great customer I took the 10 seconds to answer him. It's great customer service.
Absolutely. It is not only easier but also safer. Siri has yet to get a ticket for reading a text to me. It is nice to know if company is on time:>)
To clarify: Of course if we were going to meet, I WOULD have had my phone on and joined the group text.
In the first instance, it had been determined that we were NOT meeting.
In the second, I simply wanted to establish if we could or couldn't meet that day; if we couldn't, what is there to "group text" about? It's a "yes or no" answer. That's too onerous by email, yet she can repeatedly scold and lecture me by email and even send attachments? Okay...
If we WERE going to meet, of course I'd have joined and texted during the trip.
I made that clear to her.
Apparently it's too much trouble to email "Luddites" (it's not exactly the pony express), but not too much trouble to be on FB and Insta all day...
Okay; whatever!
Last edited by otterhere; 04-18-2024 at 09:43 AM..
My first thought is that it is very old fashioned and expensive to use pay as you go talk and text. I pay 25.00 a month on a family plan (25.00 per line) and you can sign up for several services that charge less than 25 a month (Mint mobile, Metro and others offer unlimited service for 20.00 a month). Even if you don't use your phone much pay as you go is more expensive.
As for the way your cousins acted, not paying attention to what you said and expecting you to change for them, it probably is a control thing. If you were on facebook it would probably have been different, but there is no reason to change your ways they could have met you half way. I think both sides have issues that need to be resolved and you get to choose whether you want to reach out to them again or not, they don't seem that interested. I have friends who use their phone for everything, who are in their 70's. One doesn't even have a computer and only uses email on her phone if she needs to for business purposes. I don't like long text conversations but that is how she communicates and I do have a good phone with a good plan and I am not a technno phobe.
It's not expensive for me; it's absolutely the cheapest since I very rarely use my phone and it carries over. If I were to BLAH BLAH BLAH about nothing all day, then it would be, but I choose not to. Also, once I make a plan, I've got it. I don't need to constantly repeat and reiterate it and discuss it again.
That's another difference I've noticed; even picking up an item from a "Buy Nothing" site, the giver seemed to think that this required a dozen texts. No... We established the time, we established the location - I've got it; I'll be there. It's what people USED to do, and it always worked out. People are just addicted to blabbing on these things all day long; I believe they develop anxiety when thwarted.
I would say this isn't about efficient communication at all; she was just irritated that I wasn't living like she lives, and I was irritated that she was trying to force me. Maybe it's genetic? Probably just as well that we didn't get together!
Last edited by otterhere; 04-18-2024 at 10:04 AM..
Honestly, remove the text versus email aspect. Personally, I think you were just plain rude to your relative.
1) You gave her a week's notice that you will be in town; seriously? You couldn't have reached out earlier? It seems very last minute to me, and probably did to her, too.
2) You made it VERY clear that the outdoor venue was for more important than seeing a relative.
I probably wouldn't take the time to see you either.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
