Referring to husbands

[august moon]

Hello all.

My question isn't about writing but more about what terms to use for husbands.

My first husband was the father of my two sons. We were divorced after seven years. He is now deceased.

My second husband was my true life partner. We were together 40 years when he passed away.

It seldom comes up, but occasionally I refer to that first husband. This is where I struggle.

Saying ex-husband sounds so negative and it sounds sort of silly since it was so many years ago that we parted ways.
Saying "my sons' dad", sounds a bit like we maybe weren't even married.
"Former Spouse"...well, they are both former now that both have passed.
Saying "first husband" and "second husband" sounds like I'm Zsa Zsa Gabor!


Which is correct...or what term would you use for the first husband?

For the second husband would you say "my late husband"? That sounds like an old fashioned term, also.


P.S. - no third husband...I'm finished!

.

[Rob Allen]

My instinct is to use "first husband".

[puginabug]

Yup. First husband. Describes the relationship without getting into personal details.

[Upminster-1]

My former wife and I parted on good terms, amicable if not happy.

Referring to her as an ex-wife seems harsh. So I refer to her as my former wife. To me that affords her the respect that she deserves.

Granted I have two former wives, so I refer to the first as my first wife ( so long ago that I never actually need to refer to her ) and the second as my former wife. Works for me.

[august moon]

Thanks for your input, everyone.

First husband it is, then. I guess the Gabor sisters were doing it right, dahling!

[steiconi]

My hubby gets annoyed when I refer to him as my "first husband"

[august moon]

Ha ha! Cute!

[UpstateJohn]

Not husband, but I refer to my first wife as my first wife. Had we divorced Id probably call her something else, but she will always be my first wife.

[Teak]

Give your first husband a name (his real one) and use that afterwards.

Example,

"My first husband -Steve- and I bought the house on Pooh Corner back in 1971. After raising our two sons there, Steve and I moved to Snob Hill ..."

Just my humble suggestion.

[august moon]

Thanks! Makes sense!