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dear Lord, do not entertain your brother's delusional ideas.
when i was a kid i told my sister i wanted a pony. she never bought one for me. i am over it, and now hate her for completely different and unrelated reasons.
He told me the other day that my relatives would be very disappointed , including mom and dad, if I didn’t bring them. I’m 50/50 at this point. It’s like the wedding revolves around my kids . I told him just to focus on the wedding and not my kids. He said mom and dad would be heartbroken if I didn’t bring them.
I can only afford to drive with the family. It would take me 18 hours one way, stay only 2-3 days, then leave back home for another 18 hours. So exhausting . I have a full time job and my kid is losing days at school. They actually want me to stay for more than a week.
Soo...the grandparents want their grandkids in the wedding photos? That's what it sounds like...
Meantime - besides buying 6 plane tickets (you'd be lucky to do it for $2K) - you would have the great pleasure of actually getting all four ON A PLANE at the same time - how would you possibly wrangle that?
Please be honest with yourself here. 4 kids under six - unless you've got twins, that means 5, 4, 3, and 2. At best.
Could also be 3, 2, 1, and a newborn.
Point is - I see two - if not four - kids in strollers for this flight. How will you wrangle this in an airport? Have you ever flown with four kids (under six) before? Will you dump all four kids and mom on the curb while you go park? Are you willing to pay AHEAD OF TIME so you can all sit together on the plane? Who will watch THREE kids, while one parent takes one to the airplane bathroom...? What about at the other end - what kind of bus will you be renting - along with four child seats - to get through the weekend?
Besides your gut feeling on this - there is a mountain of logistical planning here that your parents aren't considering.
Having said all that - here's my suggestion if they won't relent:
You can bring the kids IF the grandparents (your parents) fly to you FIRST and assist with flying the kids back - and reverse the procedure on the way home. Their dime.
i understand people (especially family) can be difficult and have completely unrealistic expectations. i have been through more with mine than i care to talk about. but this is the time to just say NO.
have you ever gotten seriously angry with your brother? i think you may need to pull out the big guns and just have a rude, all-out, screamfest. be scary and tell him that THIS IS THE END OF THE DISCUSSION.
or, perhaps he would like to fill the bill for a travel nanny, plane fare and all other expenses you would need to come up with just to make everyone (except you), happy. that should do it. also, remember, YOU are the only one who can allow others to steamroll over you. don't allow it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oats123
He told me the other day that my relatives would be very disappointed , including mom and dad, if I didn’t bring them. I’m 50/50 at this point. It’s like the wedding revolves around my kids . I told him just to focus on the wedding and not my kids. He said mom and dad would be heartbroken if I didn’t bring them.
I can only afford to drive with the family. It would take me 18 hours one way, stay only 2-3 days, then leave back home for another 18 hours. So exhausting . I have a full time job and my kid is losing days at school. They actually want me to stay for more than a week.
I agree with the others who said to quit engaging in the conversation with your brother and others. You’ve answered, and the answer is no. The only exception I would make is if your brother wanted you to be his best man. If so, I might fly by myself to do that, if your wife was ok with it.
Its very selfish of them to make you feel guilty. You’ve already explained that you cannot afford the time off work or the expense of attending, and your children are too young to travel that far.
These people who expect others to go to huge expense to come to their weddings are only thinking about themselves.
I had a niece who got married at the courthouse, then planned a lavish wedding in Nantucket later, that caused us financial hardship to attend.
Whatever you do, don't offer up multiple reasons why this isn't going to happen. This will evolve into them solving all the perceived issues of why this is not going to work. I have a relative like this and finally got smart in my old age and simply responded, No, that is not workable for us. If they continue to push, say that they are making it very easy to not come at all if all they want to do is harass you about a decision you have already made.
My two oldest are the most challenging. The two younger are calmer . I’ll talk to my brother . My relatives are already making plans involving my kids unrelated to the wedding .
Leave the two oldest then. Or, leave your wife and the kids and go yourself. Or, say you will have to drive but only stay two days because you have to get the oldest back for school.
Your family is being unreasonable. Tell them you and the kids will show up for their fifth wedding anniversary, assuming you don't have anymore children.
Ask all your eager relatives to chip in for travel expenses, and volunteer to help wrangle the kids once you're there. That should reduce the pressure to bring them.
My brother invited my wife and I to his wedding and he wants me to bring my kids . He lives 4 to 5 states away. I have 4 kids under six . It would cost me $2000 just for the flight alone . Is it wrong to not bring my kids? It’s such a hassle for my wife and I. I was thinking of driving but it would take me almost 18 hours one way. FYI I have a 1 year old .
I'd leave them at home without a second thought. It's not like they are teenagers that may want to attend because they can appreciate what the event represents. These are small children who will likely get bored in rather short order.
I don’t think you should go, for all the reasons stated above.
If you do, here’s what the bride or groom might post here afterwards: “My brother brought his four young kids to my wedding. They cried and fidgeted all through the ceremony and then ran around at the reception and stuck their fingers in the wedding cake.” I’m not saying this as a dig on your parenting skills. I’m saying this as reality.
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