should I take my fiance's last name after the wedding? (traditions, parties)

[Formerly Known As Twenty]

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

Thank you...the little flack I have gotten so far...is when I have said I might take his name.

I wonder why that is?

Pretty much everyone I know socially, professionally, and family-related from younger than you to a touch older than me took their husband's surname. All of them are well-educated professionals of some sort. I was the only one in my circle who retained her birth name. The only other people I know who don't share their husband's last name are Boomers or slightly older.

Makes me wonder if what you're experiencing is regional in nature.

Did you take your former husband's last name when you married?

[Sassybluesy]

Would it SERIOUSLY be up to us, whether you take your husband's name? "Survey SAYS....." ?

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty

I wonder why that is?

Pretty much everyone I know socially, professionally, and family-related from younger than you to a touch older than me took their husband's surname. All of them are well-educated professionals of some sort. I was the only one in my circle who retained her birth name. The only other people I know who don't share their husband's last name are Boomers or slightly older.

Makes me wonder if what you're experiencing is regional in nature.

Did you take your former husband's last name when you married?

I did take my ex husband's name when we got married in Los Angeles before his transfer.....& then changed it back again when we divorced....BUT children were a possibility then. So....IMO.....that has a lot more to do with it for some ppl? AND many of my work friends that are around my age are still single........some ask why we're getting married instead of staying living together but usually that's older ppl that have been through really bad divorces & there is no reason for them to do it again. Their kids are grown & all that stuff. BUT for younger ppl.......there's still a reason for us to want a wedding & marriage without babies!

[evening sun]

I still use my own name, I prefer it to my hubbys last name which is a very common name. he doesn't seem to mind, I couldn't see the point of all the hassle of changing it with banks, financial institutions etc, when we got married, 30 years ago. You need to do what is right for you.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by evening sun

I still use my own name, I prefer it to my hubbys last name which is a very common name. he doesn't seem to mind, I couldn't see the point of all the hassle of changing it with banks, financial institutions etc, when we got married, 30 years ago. You need to do what is right for you.

Ita on the "hassle" of it all........ Did you have children?

[PJSaturn]

Originally Posted by Inkpoe

If you're the nontraditional types... Why don't he take your last name?

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

Non traditional doesn't mean to turn around tradition tho.

AND he's not the type of man that would ever do that & tbh I wouldn't be attracted to him if he was..........

My male cousin took his wife's last name when they married about 15 years ago. It was to honor her parents, who died in their 40s when their small airplane crashed.

OP, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks; you should go with whatever you feel comfortable with. Since you think it romantic to take on your husband's surname, why not go for it? In the past few years I've attended 9 or 10 weddings of young couples, and every bride took her husband's surname. So I don't think most people consider it old-fashioned.

Good luck!

.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

.....that has a lot more to do with it for some ppl?

You'll have to deal with the presumptuous "when are you having kids?" question regardless of whether or not you take his name, so that factor, again, shouldn't be a consideration for you. You'll just need to come up with a standard short response, like, "We aren't having kids."

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

AND many of my work friends that are around my age are still single........some ask why we're getting married instead of staying living together but usually that's older ppl that have been through really bad divorces & there is no reason for them to do it again.

"No reason for them to do it again …" hahahaha

You said babies aren't the only reason people get married, remember? Plenty of older people want to be married. My grandmother said, "I'm a wife. I'm not a girlfriend …" when her then-boyfriend brought up the idea. They got married in their 70s.

Originally Posted by TashaPosh

BUT for younger ppl.......there's still a reason for us to want a wedding & marriage without babies!

Well, yeah, we assumed so. There's so much more to think about beyond "wedding and babies," though.

What would be your main reason NOT to?

[Maddie104]

Most women I know who kept their surname did so for professional reasons and it's less combersome than changing and bringing attention to a change in marital status with clients, business associates, etc. My friend who is non-traditional kept her surname hyphened with her husband's surname and he did the same so the children also have the hyphenated family name. The combined names have alliteration so it sounds fine.

I took my husband's last name and he seemed pleased about that. However, it is difficult to spell, often mis-pronounced and people assume I have an ethnic background based on the name.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

You'll have to deal with the presumptuous "when are you having kids?" question regardless of whether or not you take his name, so that factor, again, shouldn't be a consideration for you. You'll just need to come up with a standard short response, like, "We aren't having kids."



"No reason for them to do it again …" hahahaha




Well, yeah, we assumed so. There's so much more to think about beyond "wedding and babies," though.

What would be your main reason NOT to?

There is more to think about than weddings & babies...but this is a wedding forum AND since we're planning a super big wedding....that may get canceled cause of Covid....it is what I think about...a lot! It's why I'm in the wedding forum....you?

AND sry....ofc BUT..lots of ppl that were married a long time & went through bitter divorces are the ppl that aren't always up to do it again. I have heard many of them say "never again". I didn't mean any offense & I know some older ppl get married ofc.

Ita on the question about kids tho. We've already been asked & we aren't even marriet yet. Matter of fact....some ppl in the forum were convinced that's why we were getting married.

[jetgraphics]

In the dim, pre-socialist past, under the common law, a wife took her husband's family name because (a) he became legally obligated to support her and their children, (b) under coverture, the wife's property was merged with the husband's (for the benefit of their offspring), preserving its private property status (absolutely owned by an individual).
In the past, if a woman wished to keep her property separate, she signified this by keeping her maiden name. But it absolved the husband of the legal obligation for life long support.
An example of this is Queen Elizabeth II, of the house of Windsor. She did not take her husband's family name (Mountbatten). And neither did their children. SHE is the sovereign.

Interesting point - a woman can marry UP to become Queen, but a man cannot marry UP to become King.