Engagement Ring - Is it Acceptable to Buy Cheap and Upgrade Later? (proposed, money)
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I'm considering getting an engagement ring that is less than what she (and I) would like, and upgrading it in the near future. I'm considering:
1) A small diamond (1/2 carat or so). Maybe adding another small one the next year, and then the year after make a 3-stone ring with both those diamonds and a 1 carat or so in the middle.
2) A moissonite / amora / other fake diamond of about 1 carat and replacing it with a real one of the same size in about a year.
3) A sapphire ring. She loves the color blue, and it happens to be her birthstone as well. I could then use the stone alongside a diamond in the future, either with another saphire beside it, or my birthstone.
Ladies, what would you think if your boyfriend proposed to you with one of these scenarios? I know it's more about what she thinks, but she's hard to read. She's outright said that it's the commitment and stability that matter the most to her, but she often feels differently than what she says. Not even her siblings or parents can figure her out most of the time (going down that road already got me in trouble in the past).
*Background as to why I'm considering this*
I love my girlfriend very much and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know she feels the same way about me as well because she made that known in a very unsubtle way. I'd like to propose before Christmas. Now here's where the hard part (for me) comes in: we recently found out that she's pregnant , and we've also decided that the area we moved to in January is one that we'd like to stay in permanently. So we'd like to buy a house before the interest rates and housing prices increase much higher - that was the plan when we moved here in the first place - and also before the baby comes (I can't imagine the nightmare of moving with a newborn).
So that's 3 major expenses coming up in a very short time, not to mention Christmas, which involves over $1k of travel expenses on top of the gifts. She has no real income to speak of right now, so everything comes entirely out of my pocket. Additionally, I'm trying to get my credit score as high as I can so that I can get the best mortgage possible (it's around 750 right now). I could buy her the ring I want, but either the money would come out of the house down payment, or it would impact my credit rating.
I feel bad about skimping on anything. I have some reasonable savings, but don't think that I can go full-board on a $7000 engagement ring, plus a down-payment (and other associated costs) on a $280k house, plus pay for the birth of a child (and other associated costs) in a handful of months
I was engaged with a ruby. I didn't care at all -- I was proud to wear that ring. However, the wedding ring styles of the day were wide bands and I couldn't wear my engagement ring with my wedding band.
I've switched wedding rings and now wear a thin band (beautiful knife edge engraved band) and I'm still not wearing my diamond on a daily basis.
Yeah -- I said diamond. Our house was robbed and my original engagement ring was stolen... so we upgraded.
Yes, you can buy a "placeholder" ring and upgrade later if you want. Then she can be in on the process.
I feel the need to add, however, that I would WAIT to buy a house until AFTER the baby is here, even a year after, so you can know exactly what you need. Interest rates aren't going to skyrocket anytime soon, and plenty of babies have lived in apartments. But you guys have a LOT going on, and it would be a shame to make a less-than-informed decision under a self-imposed deadline.
I'm considering getting an engagement ring that is less than what she (and I) would like, and upgrading it in the near future. I'm considering:
1) A small diamond (1/2 carat or so). Maybe adding another small one the next year, and then the year after make a 3-stone ring with both those diamonds and a 1 carat or so in the middle.
2) A moissonite / amora / other fake diamond of about 1 carat and replacing it with a real one of the same size in about a year.
3) A sapphire ring. She loves the color blue, and it happens to be her birthstone as well. I could then use the stone alongside a diamond in the future, either with another saphire beside it, or my birthstone.
Ladies, what would you think if your boyfriend proposed to you with one of these scenarios? I know it's more about what she thinks, but she's hard to read. She's outright said that it's the commitment and stability that matter the most to her, but she often feels differently than what she says. Not even her siblings or parents can figure her out most of the time (going down that road already got me in trouble in the past).
*Background as to why I'm considering this*
I love my girlfriend very much and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know she feels the same way about me as well because she made that known in a very unsubtle way. I'd like to propose before Christmas. Now here's where the hard part (for me) comes in: we recently found out that she's pregnant , and we've also decided that the area we moved to in January is one that we'd like to stay in permanently. So we'd like to buy a house before the interest rates and housing prices increase much higher - that was the plan when we moved here in the first place - and also before the baby comes (I can't imagine the nightmare of moving with a newborn).
So that's 3 major expenses coming up in a very short time, not to mention Christmas, which involves over $1k of travel expenses on top of the gifts. She has no real income to speak of right now, so everything comes entirely out of my pocket. Additionally, I'm trying to get my credit score as high as I can so that I can get the best mortgage possible (it's around 750 right now). I could buy her the ring I want, but either the money would come out of the house down payment, or it would impact my credit rating.
I feel bad about skimping on anything. I have some reasonable savings, but don't think that I can go full-board on a $7000 engagement ring, plus a down-payment (and other associated costs) on a $280k house, plus pay for the birth of a child (and other associated costs) in a handful of months
A wee bit of advice in regards to this and I know it will not be a popular piece of advice but here it is.
Do NOT spend a lot of money on an engagement ring/wedding set.
Yes they are pretty, yes they will make your intended wife happy however,
can you afford that kind of money for something that will be worn daily?
Can you afford to have it replaced if it is lost?
Can you afford to replace the diamonds or have it cleaned when she gets paint on it, doesn't take it off while cleaning with bleach and other toxic chemicals.
Can you afford to purchase that right now without stretching your finances to the absolute limit?
Are there other more important things that you could put that money toward like a down payment for a home, paying off student loans or other debts before you get married.
Is that particular ring practical for her day to day living such as cleaning, yard work, working, taking care of a child etc? (I had to take my diamond off when my children were babies because I scratched them a couple times).
You can find very nice set of wedding rings at a reasonable cost that are practical for your finances and her daily living activities without spending a fortune.
Look at Macy's, local jewelry shops, pawn shops, Dillard's, etc.
A friend of ours collects LeVian Chocolate Diamonds and she got a $5000.00 ring a couple weeks ago for about $1500.00 from Macy's.
Pawn shops, Overstock, etc. are great places to find a good deal on an engagement ring; however, I wouldn't go into this purchase thinking that you have to upgrade later. I really don't think a ring should be about the amount of money spent, but that someone really took your tastes into consideration when picking it out for you.
However, I love the ring that he presented to me because he saved up for months and then made the most of the budget that he had at the time and I will always look at it and think of how fun and surprising the proposal was (I had no idea it was coming - other than at a later date!) I always wanted a pawn shop ring or a moissanite/amora before my ring was given to me. I am pretty frugal, buy 90% of my clothes at thrift shops/yardsales, but it meant a lot to me that he stated that I never get myself nice things so he wanted to get me something nice and new even though I had said go pawn shop. After I got it, it became exactly what I would have wanted if I would have picked it out myself.
A beautiful ring does NOT have to be $7000. Mine cost about $1200 including the lifetime warrantee. It would concern me that people equate money spent on an item with how much love the giver has for the recipient.
Now, I don't know your intended, but I would say - if she wants a diamond stone, moissanite, amora, or sapphire will not do. In that scenario, I would get something that is diamond, but has a pretty setting to it.
Last edited by randomlikeme; 11-04-2014 at 06:27 AM..
I was engaged with a ruby. I didn't care at all -- I was proud to wear that ring. However, the wedding ring styles of the day were wide bands and I couldn't wear my engagement ring with my wedding band.
I've switched wedding rings and now wear a thin band (beautiful knife edge engraved band) and I'm still not wearing my diamond on a daily basis.
Yeah -- I said diamond. Our house was robbed and my original engagement ring was stolen... so we upgraded.
Buy the ring you can afford. I suggest trying to find a local jeweler who doesn't have a retail shop. That's how we got mine. You pick the stone and the setting and it's made to order. It's much cheaper than retail, although Macy's, Costco , and similar stores are fairly inexpensive.
Get a larger stone with less quality. Don't let the jeweler try to talk you into a more expensive stone.
We got a flawless stone, and half the time it's dirty.
I would love to have a nice ring, but I would love more to have someone I love and want to spend my life with. The older I get the more I'm changing my mind and thinking I would be okay with a plain band just to meet the love of my life. I think your girlfriend should definitely understand you want to get engaged, but with the baby and other expenses it isn't smart to spend so much on a ring. Like you said, you can always get her something nicer later, but really it isn't the ring that matters.
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, and we've also decided that the area we moved to in January is one that we'd like to stay in permanently. So we'd like to buy a house before the interest rates and housing prices increase much higher - that was the plan when we moved here in the first place - and also before the baby comes (I can't imagine the nightmare of moving with a newborn).
