Anyone having family stress over moving to TN, trying to find a job and housing issues?? (Johnson City: sales, rentals)

[Tony1790]

Hello all,

My wife called me today crying on the phone, this is a big deal, I've been married 20 years and she's cried maybe 5 times (that I know of), she usually hides it if she cries or just keeps things in.

She's crying due to our youngest (turns 15 yo this month) is being a real butt head, misbehaving, disrespectful, not doing school work and I think she's afraid of him.

I can't help much as I'm in Missiouri on a job that I took because I couldn't line up a job in TN that paid enough to make ends meet. I retired from the military last year and was unemployed for nearly a year before I got this job lined up. I had flown from WA state to TN a few times for some job interviews, but could not get anything lined up and wasn't about to move without having work ready to go.

Anywho, is anyone else having family troubles due to the move or trying to decide to move, it's a big step, housing issue's, school issue's, job issue's,etc

My assignment is due to change to an unknown location, sometime between now and March 08, I could get moved to TN (great) or get moved to Chicago (not so great).

I work for the railroad right now. I could quit and move to TN w/o a job lined up or I could move back to WA state, where my wife makes $18 hr in a grocery store, where groceries are not subject to sales tax and where rentals cost a little more, but home purchase cost ton's more than TN.

My wife and son are in WA, I'm in MO, my household goods are in storage with the movers until Feb 08 or until I decide where I'm going to live at, this being in limbo has lasted 5 months so far and is getting old and now having some family repercussions WRT to the boy at home and wife.

Sorry to vent, but I live alone in my travel trailer and don't have anyone to talk to about this, I talked with my wife for 2 hours today and we just going around and around the same topic and came up with the same results. Quit now or wait until the railroad tells me where to go and go there or quit then.

Any thoughts??

Tony

[alleycat]

Well, I would certainly be stressing if I was in your situation.

Most 15-year olds are butt-heads; it comes with the territory. Every parent that I know of has problems with kids that age.

The only part of your post that really concerns me is the statement that your wife is "afraid of him". I'm not sure what your future plans are for your son driving, but sometimes that can be used as a "carrot or stick". "Behave and you'll get your driver's license and maybe a car later; misbehave and you won't."

[SPLIT]

T: I remember your posts from last year. Thought your retire Military would give you options. We had similar situation mid 90's going from N.Y. State to Fla. Son was going into high school and not fond of moving. He would of had new classmates in new high school, just as in new state, where we could move 5 years early.
Once we got to Fla he had a few classmates that he left the prior spring in Poughkeepsie. Took a while to adjust to new school, but no real high paying jobs for parents. Seem that is always the case moving states away. If you got 2 other family members resisting maybe 3 or 4 years to finish school, or join military, then you could always relocate to Tenn. Sure you have mtns in Wash. Should be similar climate, not like bake oven of Fla, OR STORMS.
.After 11 years of Fla got Hot enough and things changes, so we picked out another State. Will always be here once you really close out all ties with Wash so you have no regrets with at least the wife. We had closure with her father in nursing home, so had options to select another state.

[TN Tin Man]

I have a 37 yr old butt head daughter and son-in-law and 4 rug rats/curtain climbers that want too stay in FL.They just got back from Missouri 6mo. ago because they couldn't stand Fl any more so they moved west,that lasted about 2 years. Now their talking about moving back to Bufffalo,N.Y. "I'm moving!! I hate too be a old fuddy duddy but it's my turn now........... No stress here

[Beretta]

Tony,

I also remember your posts from before. My advice now is the same as it was then. Family comes first and work second. As the mother (and stepmother) of four sons ages 22, 20, 18 and 16 (and one step grandson!) I can tell you that raising teenage sons is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is the time that our children need us the most! They are constantly testing us to make sure that they understand bounds, yet it is cloaked in something that is usually pretty ugly. That your wife called and is reaching out to you is not to be ignored. Get on a plane or a bus or in the car and get to that lady; she needs you!

My advice is now, as it was before. Be with your family, fulltime. Or have your family be with you. Whatever is appropriate for your family. Let go and let God is also a phrase that comes to mind.

I agree with the previous poster. TN will be here whenever you are ready. When your last breath is drawn; have no regrets. This may sound dramatic, but it is a measure stick that I use. It serves me well. Best of luck to you and your family.

[pineywoods]

Tony, there's always a lot o' smoke puffin' around when emotions run high. To clear it away, I try to put things down on paper. List the pros and cons of moving to TN or another area...then write down what is most important to you in finding a place to live. Set those priorities. What do you value in life? What do you want from life? I just read a great book by James Patterson, who told the story of the five balls: family, work, friends, and a couple of others. Of the five balls, only one bounces...the rest break like glass. So only one is easily manipulated. Guess which one bounces? Yep...work. Work can be changed relatively easily, and frugality can be a fun challenge in order to stay within your means when the pay is not what you're used to. Do what is right according to what is most important to living a quality life. (Only you and your wife can decide what "quality" means to you.) I would encourage you to check the job market once again in the Tri-Cities. The Johnson City Press and Tri-Cities.com both have online job classifieds. Kingsport newspaper as well. My heart goes out to you and your family. You have some tough decisions. I'll pop out a prayer to a mighty God for you.

[Jon F Moss]

You may or may not be interested in what I have to say. This weekend I attended a Men's Retreat, and learned the following.

A person's life is the sum of all the decisions we individually make. A good & Godly life is a filtered life. Decisions should be made by filtering everything according to what is most important. Filter and prioritize decisions in the following order:

1) God (let nothing stand between you & your Creator)
2) Family (outside of your relationship with God, nothing is more important)
3) Work (gotta take care of the family, but not at the risk of losing/neglecting it)
4) Ministry (what does God want you to do with the talents He's given you?)
5) Self (assume the position of a servant just as Jesus did here on Earth by putting yourself last on the list)

You may or may not be a praying man, but I recommend getting on your knees in that trailer and asking for guidance. I do hope you find answers. Best to you & your family

[beachbyrd]

Being a wife and mother, I will tell you that I would much rather have my husband by my side to do this life thing, than to have extra money and luxuries and him in another state. I cannot imagine how hard that would be for all of us. I cannot tell you what to do, but I know your wife and son need you. Whether it is in WA, MO, TN, or somewhere else, they need you.....

Sorry you are all having such a difficult time, if it is alright, I'll say a prayer for you and your family....

[hjlacey]

Our children are raised and we are now moving to TN. Breaks my heart to leave them here but it is where they want to be. They say go and we can visit both ways. All 3 are supporting themselves (thank you God!) and dont need us to support them anymore (although they would be willing to allow us to support them )

[mbmouse]

I too have boys. 20, 16. and 12 (last two very soon to be 17 and 13) and they are all butt heads and we all live in the same house, well oldest lives in same town. I think that part is just being a boy. However, if you have always been with him day to day, even though he is "of age of reasoning" and thinking explaining your need to be in another state may have seemed acceptable to him at the time you made the decision to move to another state with out them, he may not by adjusting as well as you thought he would. Kids need their parents and stability. Heck I am pushing 40 and I need the stability of my parents still hahahhhaa. You just have to choose what is more important to you. Personally, I'd rather my family go through life together no matter what, even if it means living in a hovel, at least we would be together and working us out of it, together. But I also see how others would disagree as fathers want to "provide" for their families no matter what, and although very commendable, "providing" doesn't always mean money and status. Why not ask your son what he really wants you to do? You might be very surprised by his answer.