Anyone having family stress over moving to TN, trying to find a job and housing issues??

[gemkeeper]

Tony, I cannot add any advice in addition to the excellent advice that the previous posters have given to you. All I can offer is the experiences and what we have learned as a family.

My husband and I have been married 38 years, with 4 sons spaced 17 years apart (no wonder, considering our separations!). He has had 6 job transfers/ company changes in that time. We have been separated for as long as 9 months at a time, but most times it's been 4-7 months before one house would sell and we would be moved to the new state. Most jobs he was able to fly home almost every weekend, but his last one before hanging it up and finally saying, "That's it!" only every other weekend. That was 9 months of being together only 2 weekends (about 32 hrs. to allow for travel time) a month!

These separations can really take a heavy toll on a marriage and the family relationships for everyone involved. We were fortunate; we survived it, but I know that my 4 sons suffered for it. I raised them for months at a time as a single parent. The disrespect, anger and school problems were always lurking in our house, as well.

Teenage boys in particular need someone to identify with and pattern themselves after, and honestly, it isn't Mom. A lot of what your wife is experiencing with your son may be a sign of anger and hurt that your son feels with not having his dad in his life everyday. This isn't your fault, not your wife's or your sons. It is just the unfortunate situation that many find themselves in when they have to go where the job is.

What we finally learned and recognized, and then continually shared with our sons, was that a state, a school, a house, an anything tangible is not what makes you happy. It is being together and being a family. And, that can happen anyplace.

Where ever you have to be to earn your living, get the family back together as fast as you can, and let them know that being together is the most important thing in your lives. It is a challenge to every member of the family, but it will be an adventure and challenge that you will facing as an united family.

Talk to your son every single day. Let him know how much he means to you, how much you depend on him to support his mom emotionally and any other way he can, and how anxious you are to be with him everyday. Then, make it happen. Only you know if that means quitting your job and going back to WA and start the job search again. Or, moving the family to MO with you now until your job situation stabilizes.

As everyone else said - TN isn't going anywhere. You may be here someday before you know it. But, for now, work at getting your family together and home will be where all of you are.

I, too, will remember you in my prayers if you don't mind. You will work this through and be stronger at the end than where you are right now.

[gemkeeper]

Tony, I had to get up from bed and just send a post script.

You know, your situation is a bit like having a medical condition and asking a buddy if you need surgery. If your friend isn't a doctor, then he is just giving an opinion based on his own experiences, biases, unprofessional knowledge.

Everyone who has posted in response to your unhappy situation is a friend, who to the best of my knowledge is not a psychologist, family therapist, or job counselor. But, we offer our opinions, thoughts and advice as friends out of concern for your problem.

So, in the end, take all of this, mull it over, and you decide in your heart what is best for you and your family. For those of us with strong religious faith, like TriDad already mentioned, put God first, family before job, and our own wants and needs last. (And, many who don't have Christian beliefs, but go by some other standard, will put family before job or self.)

You'll make a good decision for you and your family. We all would like to hear how you are doing.

[Tony1790]

Thanks all,

I called my son last night and told him that I hope that he's proud that he's accomplished something that is hard to do, make his mother cry and be afraid of him at the same time. He cried and said that he would never hit his mother. Tonight the wife said that he apologized for being such a butt head. I don't know how long the truce will last but we'll see.

The wife told me to go ahead and stick it out until Nov, and then I could quit and move us all to TN and just go to college on the GI bill, meanwhile still looking for a job there too.

It's the lack of knowing, as well as the seperation that is stressing the situation. I've been seperated for 6 months at a time, plenty of times while in the service. I steamed back and forth to the North pole and Antarctica on a polar class icebreaker for 3 years nearly non-stop.

Anywho, hopefully things will settle down for a while, I have a post office exam in WA and 2 in SC to take, but I can't go take them due to already working with the railroad. I'd almost like to go in tomorrow and quit, so that I could go take the postal entry tests. But that would be silly, quit a paying job just to take an exam, to maybe get a job at the post office.

Take care all, I'll let you know how it turns out for me.

Tony

[gemkeeper]

Tony, it's good to hear that you and your family now have a plan, a target date and a goal. Sometimes that is all it requires to take the edge off of a situation.

Best of everything to you. Let us know what your final plans are.

[Jon F Moss]

Best wishes Tony!

[pineywoods]

Keep in touch, Tony. We care.

[creeksitter]

I'm going to be the contrarian - It's not like there's a railroad job on every corner if that's what you want to do. So don't quit without notice or you'll get bad references. It might be best to tough it out until March if you think there's a pretty good chance you'll be sent to TN.

Here's my idea - get a bigger trailer and bring butthead down to live with you. That is if you have a day job and can be around at night for father - son bonding. It might be a great experience. Then buy lots of plane tickets so the family can be together as much as possible.

Of course like the others say - you do what's best for you. We're just brainstorming.

I wanted to mention that I used that name affectionately. Based on the 2nd conversation it sounds like you've raised a good kid. Good luck.