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I've fallen in to the trap that Dr Carlon writes about in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work...only I've just recognized myself recently (today).
He writes...
DON'T LIVE FOR RETIREMENT
Knowingly or unknowingly, many people practically live for retirement. They think about how wonderful life will be without the burden of daily work outside the home. Some people go so far as to count the years, months, even days before retirement. It’s common for people to postpone joy, contentment, and satisfaction until “later.” It’s almost as though people are “putting in time” as if they were servicing a sentence, patiently waiting for their freedom.
Admittedly, most people don’t go quite this far. It’s usually a bit more subtle than this. However, a staggering percentage of people expect that life down the road is going to be better than it is today. Frequently, daydreams as well as conversations with coworkers and friends make it clear that expectation that “someday” will be better than now – when you’re retired, have more money, freedom, wisdom, time to travel, or whatever.
I’m passionate about this topic because it’s clear to me that thinking in these “someday life will be better” terms is a guaranteed way to set yourself up for a long and tiring career. Rather than enjoying each day, being open to new challenges and opportunities, sharing your gifts with others, and being willing to learn from and become inspired by your work-related experiences, you choose instead to essentially put your life on hold, to go through the motions, get stuck in a rut, and, to a degree, or another feel sorry for yourself.
It’s far better, I believe, to wake up each morning and remind yourself of the old adage, “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” Make the decision to honor your gift of life by giving today your best effort, regardless of what you happen to do for a living. See if you can keep perspective when others may not, inspire another person, or make a contribution, however small, to the life of someone else. Remind yourself that all days were created equal, that today is every bit as important as any future day after retirement.
Another important reason to avoid living for retirement is that doing so increases the likelihood that you’ll be disappointed when it arrives. A strange thing happens when we postpone happiness until a later date. It’s as though, in the meantime, we’re rehearing how to be unhappy. We become experts. When we tell ourselves we’ll be happy later, what we’ really saying is that our life isn’t good enough right now. We have to wait until our circumstances are different. So we wait and wait. Thousands of times, over the course of many years, we remind ourselves, in the privacy of our own minds, that when things are different – someday down the road – we’ll feel satisfied and happy. But for now, we’ll have to make do.
Finally, the big day arrives – the first day of retirement. Yippee!
But here’s the problem. As you probably know, old habits die hard. If you smoke or stutter, it’s difficult to quit. If you’re highly critical or defensive, it’s hard to change. If you have bad eating and exercise habits, it takes enormous discipline to make a permanent shift. In the vast majority of cases, most people can’t do it. It’s too hard to change.
Why in the world do we assume that our thinking habits any different? They’re not. In fact, in some ways, learning to think differently is the most difficulty habit of all to change. All of us have been trapped from time to time by our own thinking. We become accustomed to thinking in a certain way – so much so, we can’t see it any other way.
If you spend years and years thinking that life isn’t good enough right now –that something else is going to be better – it’s ludicrous to believe that in a single moment when retirement becomes reality, you’re going to somehow begin to think differently; that somehow life as it is is suddenly going to be good enough. No way. It’s not going to happen. Instead, it’s predictable that the opposite will happen. Your mind will continue to believe that something else will be better. You have a habit of seeing life this way, and it’s not going to stop simply because your external life has shifted.
The was around this problem is to commit to being happy now –to make the absolute best of the job or career you have right now, to see it as an adventure, to be creative and insightful. Make this your habitual way of thinking about your job and of being in the world. Practice this type of healthy, optimistic thinking on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis. If you do, then when retirement arrives, whether it’s a year from now, or twenty years from now, you will know the secret of happiness: that there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way. It will be second nature to you.
So, go ahead and look forward to a fantastic retirement. Plan ahead and plan well. But do yourself a great big favor. Don’t miss s single day along the way.
I've fallen in to the trap that Dr Carlon writes about in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work...only I've just recognized myself recently (today).
He writes...
Another important reason to avoid living for retirement is that doing so increases the likelihood that you’ll be disappointed when it arrives. A strange thing happens when we postpone happiness until a later date. It’s as though, in the meantime, we’re rehearing how to be unhappy. We become experts. When we tell ourselves we’ll be happy later, what we’ really saying is that our life isn’t good enough right now. We have to wait until our circumstances are different. So we wait and wait. Thousands of times, over the course of many years, we remind ourselves, in the privacy of our own minds, that when things are different – someday down the road – we’ll feel satisfied and happy. But for now, we’ll have to make do.
Funny, most people I know who counted down are very happy in retirement and are very busy. They were emancipated. Life is a lot better. But they had to earn the emancipation first. Matter of fact, I don't know of a single person who was counting down to retirement who is disappointed in it.
This essay only applies to those early in their careers. All of this is true if you have 5 or more years to go. But for those of us on the brink, it is just plain silly. It would be very foolish to not consider every aspect of such a huge life change and anticipate how life will be afterwards. It is not a good psychological state to be in to not disinvest in the business you are employed in when you have no future in it. And it is not unrealistic to want out of a stale and stalled career when I can.
Lots of people must look to other aspects of life for solace because of how toxic their management and work environments are. In this economy, especially, any job is too valuable to give up. So far, I'm not seeing the entrenched toxic management getting any better or learning any lessons from this economic catastrophe. Heads are not rolling in even those companies with spectacular failures.
There have been any number of looks at the effect of not having a difference between a private life and the company life. The health and life aspects are not good when you are always on the job. People used to leave the job at home when they went home, but now we have "experts" like Carlon preaching this sort of stuff. I prefer to live by the precept of moderation in all things.
To Dr. Carlon who says: "Another important reason to avoid living for retirement is that doing so increases the likelihood that you’ll be disappointed when it arrives."
Folderol!!!! I don't know one teacher who is not thoroughly enjoying their retirement. I went to lunch with 7 retired teachers in Dec.(I was practicing being retired. ) They all looked so relaxed and were so bubbly and excited about their retirement activities.
How can someone else, tell everyone else that retirement will be a disappointment? What a downer attitude. True, for some who haven't planned or weren't given time to plan, but not for this teacher!
Let the good times begin!
You have toput that sentence in context. He's saying that if you live your life counting the years, months, weeks, days -you'll likely be disappointed.
Hi miruca! I'll be looking for you in Florida! And I concur with your perspective on things...ever since I've been eligible to retire I feel like I've been working for slightly more than half of what my actual salary is, since if I was retired I'd be drawing a pension for that much just by waking up every morning.
(and it's janet vj - my screen name confuses a lot of people because they assume it has something to do with TV. Unfortunately, I'm not that clever, and it's simply my first name (janet) followed by my middle and last initial!)
I understand what BucFan is saying. Being retired is not going to suddenly make my life wonderful and I will finally be truly happy. It's not a panacea for everything wrong in my life. I have to decide to be happy first, regardless of my circumstances. But for most of us being retired will remove at least one, and probably many more than one, big stressor in our lives. It's possible to be happy regardless of one's circumstances, but it's sure a lot easier to be happy when you have fewer things in your life making you unhappy.
Janetvj- isn't it funny how that TV just pops out in your user name - ah we are creatures of technology!! I did wonder if you were somehow connected to TV - ha! We shall have to keep in touch on our Florida explorations. I have a fabulous map and I've been reading and taking notes from the Florida forums.
BucFan - do you think you will work after retiring? I've had a couple of people talk to me about job possibilites and I can feel the spark of excitement at once again using my skills fully (have been marginalized in current environment for 3 years but stayed for financial reasons).... but then I think I just want some time without the elements that push, pull and dictate one's world when working. I'm young enough, healthy enough to enjoy life now - but with enough medical issues that ten years may make that a different situation.
Skeptical - lucky you!!! I do relate to your guage running on empty - I might feel otherwise if I was in a different environment, though. My current environment is the death knell for creativity, engagement, and meaningfulness - six out of ten co-workers are ROTJ (retired on the job) and want to keep it that way. Unfortuantely, the deader you are the more it gets rewarded. Go figure.
Right now I think I may be burned out from work. Since I'm only 45 yrs old, with a 58% cola pension and a somewhat healthy but severly dinged investment portfolio, I don't neeed to work. I think that I'll get the urge about 2-3 months into the retirement. Beats me if I give in. I'm a registered nurse, so getting out of the profession for a 1-2 yrs can cause a lot of rust when trying to come back. So I better be certain about the decision to quit.
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. Mine has been getting closer to empty. I have given myself until 1 June to go on empty (retirment day is 30 June).
Heads are not rolling in even those companies with spectacular failures.
