Anyone Regret Moving to a 55+ Community? (physically, grow up, married, husband)

[Minervah]

I relocated to my new city of Cleveland, just outside to be exact, knowing no one. I decided to move to a Seniors complex because for the first two years I lived here I just couldn't seem to connect with people my age. My neighbors were mostly college students who attended the nearby university. Those older were good neighbors but were very busy. We all got along but there just wasn't that kind of bonding one has with their peers. Being retired, I had a lot of time on my hands during re day. The offerings at the senior center in that area didn't really interest me.

So, I moved across town to my senior complex after reading about all it had to offer. I have made a few good friends in the three years I've been here. I sought out like minded people and also those with whom I felt I could get along regardless of dissimilarities.

Sure there's gossip and pettiness but I don't have to indulge. I pick and choose my friends, activities and battles.

A senior housing complex, as anything else in life, can be what you make of it. It's not for everyone but for me it worked out fine.

[Saskia Calico]

Originally Posted by JMD60

I get that. I'm more turned off by the childish, ignorant gossip that permeates much of the community. I don't _have_ to do anything. But given that the variety of activities was a huge selling point for the community, it's a shame the gossipy, cliquish aspect of many of the clubs and groups makes getting involved uncomfortable.

I was just curious to see if others had chosen a 55+ community and had regretted it for similar or other reasons.

I feel your pain! I live in a 62+ community that is HUD-subsidized. Before that, I lived in a 55+ one. And yes, it is full of "childish, ignorant" gossip. Rumors fly, based on what-I-don't-know, because they are not based on any reality I ever knew of. And yes, most of the gossips are women.

There is a big gap between the "cliques" of white women and those of black women, and I can't speak as much for the latter, but the white group is very much like the one you described. There is some cross-over.

I don't participate in any of the group activities because none of them appeal to me.

I envy you the countryside you mention. I wish there were some countryside around here. Even enough grass to have a good walk around would be nice! We have a small patch, in our "garden."

I would be interested to know if yours is a HUD community or not; interested to know if it is only the lower-income ranks that are the biggest gossips, or just the older demographic unhappy regardless of income level. When I was younger I had several older friends, and my parents had older friends as well, and I don't recall any of the negative, ignorant, opinionated gossip such as I would hear here if I hung around to listen.

Cheers.

[Mikala43]

I stopped socializing with most of my neighbors for the same reason, and we are not a retirement community.

We want to move to a 55+ because it's the only way to find a reasonable sized house in the area we want, and I have no plans on socializing with the neighbors in general.

[bookspage]

Originally Posted by lvmensch

As to the personal interaction we find the neighborhood is more important. And the great issue has consistently been the dogs. Amazingly enough having talked at length to the HOA people they find the same...dogs are probably the biggest problem in 55+ communities.

This is interesting. How are the dogs the biggest problem?

[lvmensch]

Originally Posted by bookspage

This is interesting. How are the dogs the biggest problem?

Barking is the classic problem. Particularly if the dog owner has a fenced area. Basically some residents will object to any barking. And some dog owners clearly have dogs who bark excessively. And some of these disputes have continued for a decade or longer.

[fallstaff]

Originally Posted by Rumann Koch

Sounds like high school - the same drama and social cliques only now with wrinkled, gray-haired, dried-up, miserable people complaining about their ills and pains, and blaming everyone but themselves on their current situation.

Quite disagreeable indeed.

No thanks! I'll stay in my house, in my family neighborhood, until they drag me out!

Slightly funny. If all they wanted to gripe about was their ills and pains that might be useful. I could learn something about arthritis from the old guy with arthritis and learn something about a coronary stent from the coronary stent lady, just in case any of that ever affects me.

But, yes the overall "miserableness" griping and blaming 40, 50, 60, years worth of everybody but themselves for everything.... too much negativity. Then if you don't sympathize and join the club then the red light goes on and you get put on "the List" of those who must be maligned. You sort of get Serpico'd

[BellaDL]

Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat

Since female tongues will wag whatever you do, do whatever you like. I'd be chatting up the men and really scandalizing the old bats. I've always enjoyed talking to men more than women anyway.

In my experience, there is no preponderance of tongue waggers in one sex. This research confirms my impression:

Gossip and gender differences: a content analysis approach

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/...6.2017.1411789

Questionnaires were filled out by 2230 participants, and an open question format was used, with participants imagining a scenario in which they are invited to describe to a friend, a person they had just met. Our findings suggest that, quantitatively speaking, women and men engage in the same amount of gossiping activity.

I enjoy talking to people whom I find interesting or sharing my interests regardless of their sex or age group. If anything, I have had more in-depth conversations with women than men.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by BellaDL

In my experience, there is no preponderance of tongue waggers in one sex. This research confirms my impression:

Gossip and gender differences: a content analysis approach

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/...6.2017.1411789



I enjoy talking to people whom I find interesting or sharing my interests regardless of their sex or age group. If anything, I have had more in-depth conversations with women than men.

DH worked in two male dominated careers, and it is clear to me that men gossip just as much as the women they accuse.

[FlightAttendant]

I moved to an over 55 community about a year ago. I do not find it clique-y here, but I do not really socialize with neighbors alot..by choice. I travel extensively so I am away a lot. Most of my neighbors, like me, are at the lower age of the spectrum...mid to late 50s. Most are empty nesters who downsized. We are cordial when we see one another but that is about it.

What I like about my community is that it is safe (it is gated with 24 hour security), quiet, beautifuly landscaped, it has many nice amenities such as lovely walking trails, a great golf course, a community garden, a woodworking shop, two pools, a bocce court, tennis, and a wonderful community library. The snow removal is done perfectly as is the grass mowing in summer. I feel safe here. Being a single woman who lives alone, these qualities are important to me.

What I really dislike here is the high HOA fees. But, I knew what I was signing up for when I bought here.

[TBMorgan]

I'm in a huge 55+ and like the orderliness of it. I like kids, teens, but don't like living in neighborhoods with them. I like gated, quiet communities that are well kept. If I want to associate with non-55+ folks, I head for tennis courts, YMCA/gyms, restaurants, etc etc away from the community. I don't need them directly as my neighbors. ps. Moved here in my late 40s.