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Maybe they feel their one true ability is in the bedroom, and they know they will never get to show it off if they have to depend on their personality to get a second date.
Or conversely, it's quite possible that they have enough experience to know that there are only two types of older women. The type who are desirous of physical intimacy who will have sex on a 'first date', and the type who will NEVER want anything more than a hug or a peck on the cheek, at least from them.
And really, isn't it a little ridiculous to call going out with someone a 'first date' when they both remember where they were when JFK was shot? Aren't they a little too experienced to act all virginal?
No. IMHO at least, sex is the ultimate boundary violation. Sorry to be blunt, but there you go.
Having 5 wonderful brothers, I can say I like men, but, after being by myself for 17-18 years, I'm pretty set in my ways & can't ever imagine giving up my freedom.
This thread reminded me of my grandmother. She was widowed at 60 and lived to be 95. From the time she was widowed until the end of her days, she would say, "Why would I want another man?" with a look of disgust on her face. Nope, Nana had no use for men and she certainly did find them "irrelevant".
This reminds me of my grandmother. My grandfather died when my grandmother was in her 40s and stayed single til she died at 89. She had a guy - Joe - that would walk up and down her street and glance at her house. We were there one day and I said "Poor Joe - he has the hots for you granny" - she: "Oh fee(sp)" + a laugh. Meaning He$$ no.
I'm 53 and crazy about my husband. He is just the most amazing, funny, passionate, handsome, kind man. He'd be one heck of an act to try to follow.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more horrified I become of the idea of dating again if my husband died. I just don't know if I have it in me to pursue a relationship. Now - if some man pursued me, I'd probably make it clear that I was open to the occasional date, some hanging around together, that sort of thing - but marriage and romance and all that? I just can't imagine it.
I might be singing a different tune after a few years of single life though, who knows? But I have good girlfriends, adult kids who I'm close to, a whole slew of grandkids, my own elderly parents, my interests, my hobbies, my church, all that sort of good stuff - my life is full.
Not only that, but I am literally never lonely. I spend quite a bit of time by myself right now anyway, due to my husband's career (long and frequent absences out of state). I'm quite comfortable being home by myself in the evenings, and I have plenty to do during the day.
Nope - I just don't think I'd be too interested in dating. Like others have said, it's likely to turn into nursing and that's unappealing. I mean - I may have to nurse my husband before it's all said and done, but we've been together through our younger years and middle age and so it's sort of like "putting in our time." But I'm uninterested in signing up for nursing duty with someone I haven't built a life with!
I had a vibrant, beautiful aunt who was married to a man who was about 15 years older than she was. He got old and sick long before she lost that vitality, and she spent her "young" elderly years (her sixties and early seventies) nursing him. He finally died, and suddenly my beautiful, energetic aunt was footloose and fancy free! She met a man close to her age and they fell madly in love - she could finally do all that wonderful traveling and romancing she had missed all those years! They got married pretty quickly.
Within about a year, they both had terrible health setbacks. They never got to do that traveling. They were both too busy taking care of themselves and each other and died just a couple of years later. Honestly, in the end, their relationship really complicated things because the truth was that they didn't know each other all that well, and their adult kids didn't know each other, and suddenly both families had two very sick people on their hands - and comingled estates - and a lack of trust - and it was just a mess. This tension didn't help them enjoy their last few years any better.
OP, I had a thought - is your friend talking about his wife all the time? That's a huge turnoff. Even when I was young and would have entertained the notion of getting married again, there's is nothing worse than dating a guy who talks about his ex-wife.
That said, now that I'm almost 60 - the idea of having a man in my life exhausts me! Men are exhausting. They are needier and more high maintenance than children or pets, because you can't send them to their room or put them in a crate.
I always had more work when I had a man, and a man is going to ruin a good night's sleep by wanting to keep you up to have sex, then wake you up wanting to have sex.
They give you more work, then they won't let you sleep.
Now, if your friend was a millionaire who could buy a woman everything she wanted, and who could hire a cook and maid to do all the housekeeping and laundry and give her a personal assistant to run errands for her, and a credit card to spend how she wants and she could spend her time at the gym and shopping and getting her nails done - then that woman might be willing to have her sleep disturbed.
I think women who had not so great marriages and then worked hard to get up on their own two feet and stand on them tend to feel this way. They don't want to go down the rabbit hole ever again, especially the financial rabbit hole.
Many men are attracted to single women who are in this position. They like the independence at first, but then that's the first thing thing they want to conquer. I like being my own boss. I don't like someone telling me what to do and I don't like having to tell someone else what to do. If a first wife did everything for her spouse, he will expect her successor to do the same. Likewise, if she was the order-giver, he will expect that from wife number two as well. At least that's been my experience when discussing second marriages with men. They seem to want a continuation of what they had for many decades. I don't care to be an addendum.
I like being friends with men but that's as far as it's ever going to go. For many years, I have listed gay men as good friends because they don't make the same demands. It's good male company without the games or the worry about any ulterior motives. And they never ask me to cook their meals or clean their houses.
This! I'll never understand this. Has happened to me several times. Not going down that road again!
OP, I had a thought - is your friend talking about his wife all the time? That's a huge turnoff. Even when I was young and would have entertained the notion of getting married again, there's is nothing worse than dating a guy who talks about his ex-wife.
That said, now that I'm almost 60 - the idea of having a man in my life exhausts me! Men are exhausting. They are needier and more high maintenance than children or pets, because you can't send them to their room or put them in a crate.
I always had more work when I had a man, and a man is going to ruin a good night's sleep by wanting to keep you up to have sex, then wake you up wanting to have sex.
They give you more work, then they won't let you sleep.
Now, if your friend was a millionaire who could buy a woman everything she wanted, and who could hire a cook and maid to do all the housekeeping and laundry and give her a personal assistant to run errands for her, and a credit card to spend how she wants and she could spend her time at the gym and shopping and getting her nails done - then that woman might be willing to have her sleep disturbed.
I'm 68 and have been a widow for almost two years. Men are not per se irrelevant to me, but I have very little interest in dating, and zero interest in another committed relationship. I have turned down offers to date, because I'm just not interested. My life is just fine the way it is, TYVM.
I do not speak for all widows, of course. I know some who would dearly love to find another husband. I just don't share their wish.
I'd love to just find my other shoe and continue, but that's not going to happen. When I was newly married, I remember thinking, "I'll never have to date again!" That didn't work.
I agree with the fact that women today are more independent thinkers and doers. I have a mother and father in law who have both lost their partner. They both have a romantic partner. both of the women worked, but still ran the house, cooked, etc for their spouses, but they wanted something different this time. My fil and his lady live in the same apartment building and eat out every night. She has her independence and their time together. My mother dated several men, and was getting discouraged because they all wanted "another wife ie housekeeper, cook and bottle washer". When she found a man who was more independent, they moved in together and seem happy....he cooks, she helps clean and they each have their own spending money. Two happy couples in their older age
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