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Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God, was tired of hearing all of the bickering.
God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So down they sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused away. They did spreadsheets, they wrote reports, they sent faxes, they sent out e-mail, they sent out e-mail with attachments, they downloaded, they did some genealogy reports, they made cards, they did every known job. But just a few minutes before the two hours were up, a lightening flashed across the sky. The thunder rolled and the rains came down hard. And of course the electricity went off.
Satan was upset. He fumed and fussed and he ranted and raved, all to no avail. The electricity stayed off. But after a bit, the rains stopped and the electricity came back on. Satan screamed, "I lost it all when the power went off. What am I going to do? What happened to Jesus' work?"
Jesus just sat and smiled. Again Satan asked about the work that Jesus had done. As Jesus turned his computer back on the screen glowed and when he pushed "print it", it was all there. "How did he do it." Satan asked? God smiled and said, "Jesus Saves."
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuLu108
He who is without sin
Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.
"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.
"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head. "Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"
Nope, didn't see that one coming, but THANKS! That was just TOO CUTE!
That is just too funny...considering, if you look on a map at where I live, you will notice I am right across the Colorado River from Laughlin, Nevada and only 90 miles from Las Vegas...So I can COMPLETELY relate to this I LIVE in gambling country have for 19 years, and hope to be out of here by next summer
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
Moderator cut: Provide a link instead of copying everything here, please
Ok, I hope this isn't considered tacky since his recent passing away...But I read this quite some time ago and thought it was hillarious...I would like to hope he would be up there laughing about it as well
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement. When his plane
arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home in Montreat.
As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
"You know" he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would
you mind if I drove it for a while?"
The driver said, "No problem. Have at it."
"Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway.
A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and got out of his patrol car to
begin the procedure.
The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down
he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.
He told the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law but I also know
that important people are sometimes given certain courtesies.
I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person."
"The supervisor asked, "Is it the governor?"
The young trooper said, "No, he's more important than that."
The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the president."
The young trooper said, "Not, he's even more important than that."
The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?"
The young trooper said, "I think it's Jesus because he's got Billy Graham
for a chauffeur !!!!!
I've always had a great interest in jokes and everytime I hear a good one I write it down in my 'joke book'. I've just about run out of 'clean' ones now though. The others are far too..........well, you know!!
Quote:
I think you are really a British guy living in Spain.
Location: land of quail, bunnies, and red tail hawks
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The Pope and the Republicans
The Pope and the Republicans
The Pope was on a tour of Alaska. He took a couple of days off to visit the mountains for some sight seeing. He was cruising along a campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" T-shirt and a Tree Hugger Hat, was struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the jaws of a 10 foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up.
One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear. Then, using long clubs, the three loggers beat the bear to death, and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes is not true,"
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom,"
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all God's wisdom, but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting..... By the way, is the bait holding up okay or do we need to go back to town and grab another one?
Location: land of quail, bunnies, and red tail hawks
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Beethoven
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard when all of a sudden, he hears some music playing. No one is around, so he starts investigating for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads:
~Ludwig von Beethoven, 1770-1827~
It's only then that he realizes that the music paying is his Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time, it is the Seventh Symphony, but... like the previous piece, it too is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert makes note that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread, and a throng has gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony, also being played backward. It's only then, that the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him, if he has an explanation for the music. "Oh, it's nothing to worry about"...says the caretaker.
Location: land of quail, bunnies, and red tail hawks
1,513 posts, read 3,391,842 times
Reputation: 3540
for you, irishmom!
A Little Irish Humor
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
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have for 19 years, and hope to be out of here by next summer 
The Pope and the Republicans
