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Hi, I'm a first-time home buyer and decided to go with a realtor friend of mine as my agent. She worked with me for a little while, saw houses and condos for one day, found a place, put in an offer and negotiated, but it didn't go through. I found out later on that it was common for friends to give each other a discount when representing them. I decided to ask her about it in a delicate way, and she said that since the seller pays her, it's her money. She said that if the transaction were larger, it would be justifiable to give some discount, but it wasn't. I let things cool off and didn't ask her for any more of her time. I later found someone else who could give me a discount and decided to go with him. When I told her, she was very upset. I understood that she would be disappointed, but I thought that she would understand since this is still a business deal. There was no contract, and I figured that no more than two full workdays of her time was used. Also, isn't it the nature of real estate to have some buyers no buy or change their minds? Our friendship is now broken, and I feel terrible, but at the same time, I've done a lot for this friend and surprised that she can't offer me some understanding. I'm new at buying a home, so can anyone tell me their thoughts on this? I'm definitely not mixing friendship and business again!
Last edited by houstoner; 05-14-2009 at 07:14 PM..
Reason: Thread moved from Texas forum.
The only thing worse than mixing friendship and business is mixing family and business! Yikes, that's not a fun one either. Once upon a time, we let a contract with a realtor run out, after 2 failed home sales. We ended up finding a cash buyer on our own, and then hand-delivered flowers in person to our former realtor.
You're too nice. The deal ends either when the realtor gets you what you want or you fire them. Switch is too nice a word. Too bad your former realtor is / was your friend.
I still don't get what discount she was supposed to give you. Were you encountering sellers who didn't want to pay the usual commission? Did you feel the seller would give you a better price if your agent agreed to a reduced percentage? I don't understand why'd you'd want to stiff your friend when you don't even have to pay the bill!
Hi, I'm a first-time home buyer and decided to go with a realtor friend of mine as my agent. She worked with me for a little while, saw houses and condos for one day, found a place, put in an offer and negotiated, but it didn't go through. I found out later on that it was common for friends to give each other a discount when representing them. I decided to ask her about it in a delicate way, and she said that since the seller pays her, it's her money. She said that if the transaction were larger, it would be justifiable to give some discount, but it wasn't. I let things cool off and didn't ask her for any more of her time. I later found someone else who could give me a discount and decided to go with him. When I told her, she was very upset. I understood that she would be disappointed, but I thought that she would understand since this is still a business deal. There was no contract, and I figured that no more than two full workdays of her time was used. Also, isn't it the nature of real estate to have some buyers no buy or change their minds? Our friendship is now broken, and I feel terrible, but at the same time, I've done a lot for this friend and surprised that she can't offer me some understanding. I'm new at buying a home, so can anyone tell me their thoughts on this? I'm definitely not mixing friendship and business again!
You should feel terrible! She was under no obligation to give you anything. It sounds like you are the one who should have understood this is a "business deal".
Here's the sad thing: you've wrecked your friendship over, essentially, a lie. Unless you're selling a property, a "discount" doesn't help you in the least. Hello! You're NOT THE SELLER! Why in the world would she tell you any information about a discount? Do you think she would be able to negotiate with the seller on a discount? You have to be kidding me. Commissions between the seller and seller's representative are worked out between themselves--not between a buyer, a buyer's agent, and the seller. Everyone knows what the commission is up front. That's the way it is. There are other ways to get what you want at the closing table--closing costs, etc..didn't your friend tell you that?
Mixing business and friendship is only bad if there is any ignorance whatsoever by either or both parties. You should have listened to your friend (and trusted her, I might add)--but moreover, laid out your concerns from the get-go and not assumed so much would happen.
Beg her forgiveness. Hopefully she'll give it to you.
Unless you signed a contract, you're under no obligation to have a single buy-side realtor looking for you, and you're free to go to another realtor at any time.
Now, how you manage the friendship side of the relationship is entirely up to you.
It's sad that you ruined a friendship over being greedy. That's not "business". Your friend is running a business and you had no right asking her for her money.
I've helped many friends, and they don't get anything when they buy a home because they're not paying it. The selling side is a completely different story.
...... I found out later on that it was common for friends to give each othera discount when representing them.
Our friendship is now broken, and I feel terrible, but at the same time, I've done a lot for this friend and surprised that she can't offer me someunderstanding.
It's not common.
The rest is your way of rationalizing what you did.
You former friend learned the price tag you put on "friendship".
From a legal standpoint, you owe her nothing. As for the rest, well I am sure you will get over it.
I assume you mean that you were looking for a rebate and not a discount.
What I find interesting about your situation is that your friend made a business decision to run her business profitably. Then you decide to move to another agent to make a profitable business decision for yourself (which is your choice), but then are confused by her decision to not work for free.
Why do you get to have the financial benefit of a "business decision" but your friend doesn't?
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She was under no obligation to give you anything. It sounds like you are the one who should have understood this is a "business deal". 
