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I have 6 cats now. Yes, 6. I didn’t intentionally want to have 6, but I ended up with 6 when there were two baby siblings outside sick on the porch, and I ended up keeping them.
Anyway, our oldest cat of the bunch (age 4), has always picked on others. I thought maybe he didn’t like a particular cat, so I tried to adopt different playmates for him because he is very energetic. Nope, several years later he picks on any of them when his mood feels like it. He bites or chases, but I haven’t seen him be super violent. But the ones getting chased start screaming so I just have to keep him separated from everybody now for their own mental wellbeing.
It sucks but I keep him in his own bedroom now. Once my husband’s elderly dog passes the rainbow bridge, our bully kitty can have the whole downstairs to himself instead of being confined to one room. I also keep the two siblings separated from the other cats in their own large area upstairs. They have been scared of the other three cats. One of the other cats chased a sibling and she peed and pooped right in that spot. We have a hallway door separating parts of the upstairs so I am able to separate them.
When I had previous cats, I only had one at a time. And one of those cats would attack me like you described. It definitely was a personality thing because I haven’t had that with every cat. Only that one. I was able to notice her demeanor and behavior and use a pillow to block her when I saw her getting ready to attack.
I would definitely keep them separated if possible. I haven’t found “reintroduction” successful with my current bully cat, but maybe it works for somebody out there.
A lot of times when cats play they can sound like they are killing each other.
That's true ..... sometimes. And a lot of times, like in this instance, they are not playing and one of them is getting the living crap beat out of it by the bigger, more aggressive bully. Nothing that the OP is telling about the terrorizing that her older, bigger, neutered male cat is doing to the smaller, younger female cat and to the OP is normal, it's being vicious and dangerous. It should not be downplayed or excused.
That's true ..... sometimes. And a lot of times, like in this instance, they are not playing and one of them is getting the living crap beat out of it by the bigger, more aggressive bully. Nothing that the OP is telling about the terrorizing that her older, bigger, neutered male cat is doing to the smaller, younger female cat and to the OP is normal, it's being vicious and dangerous. It should not be downplayed or excused.
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You've obviously never watched Jackson Galaxy's show. It's always "user error" with cats.
For one thing, the new environment. The cats naturally have to make their claims on new territory. It seems Damion is claiming the basement and demands Alpha control. Is there any area that you've noticed Damion is more relaxed with Lola? Lola is afraid to go down the stairs to use the litter box because she gets attacked by Damion for being in his territory. Move her litter box upstairs. BTW, they don't need privacy when they do their business. If you clean the litter box right after the cats use it, and put clean litter in every couple of days, the odor is minimal. The hooded models, cats get used to but they don't like.
Another thing is Damion was kicked down the ladder when Lola entered the picture. Now he perceives you do not share your love and bond with him exclusively anymore, His nose is way out of joint. Once he detected you had grown more attached to Lola, he went into monster mode.
If they don't have their own cat beds, try them.Set a location for them that are far apart but allow direct line of sight between them. Don't feed them together. Put Lola's bowl a few feet from Damion's. Doing this also prevents Damion from pushing Lola away from her food and eating hers too. Make space at the same time(s) of day every day when you lavish love on Damion exclusively for 5 or 10 minutes. Don't do this in your bedroom otherwise Damion will bar Lola from coming anywhere near. You are his and no one else's. Do the same for Lola. If you do that in one of the spare bedrooms, the cats will associate your bonding activity to that room.
BTW, cats don't need a playmate to keep them company to be happy. They like routine from their owners because they know what happens next from day to day. Their anxiety when alone isn't as bad when they know you are coming home from work the same time everyday. They can sense when you are on your way home.
In 2022, it started getting more frequent and violent. Again, I wasn't sure what this was because other times Damon and Lola are sitting together in the window lolking outside, laying on my bed together, lying on the couch together, eating together. So I still thought they were okay together.
I kept thinking Damon wasn't getting enough play time. So I played with him more. He seemed more calm and better when I did this. He even sleeps in the bed with Lola and I after a hefty play session.
In May 2022, I was asleep. Damon was chasing Lola up onto the bed. I wake up, startled. Damon is near my face. He's in the zone. I try to pet him, he swats me, I tell him "no". He lunges at my face and attacks me in bed. It was horrific.
I am scarred on my face now. I consider this a one off event. He was chasing her, I got in the way, he was upset or threatened. He had never ever hurt me before. I even left them alone in my house together for a week, while I went on a vacation. I had a friend come once a day to give fresh water, food, scoop litter.
Now, he has attacked me multiple times since then. He gets in this modes where he is almost in a daze, and he jumps at me like a flying squirrel scratching and biting me. It's horrible. I've had multiple infections. He snaps out of it after. He isn't the nice cat I once knew. I'm scared in my home.
I have had cats forever since I was a kid. Dogs also. Hate to say this but you need to find a new home for Damon. Unacceptable for him to be attacking you, let alone the other cat. I love cats and animals in general but the first time he did that to me and attacked my face he would be out the door. I would feed him outside but never welcome in my home again. But that is me. I have never had a cat do anything close to what happened to you.
At the very least why not lock him up in the basement at night? Move the other sandbox for the other cat somewhere else.
Is it horrible that I am thinking of myself here? When most likely, the cats might be suffering?
But I think it's unfair to punish Damon, because he's upset. The behaviorist says, he's almost mentally ill over this. And that's not his fault. My brother probably won't tale him, because of his past aggression. Who would take him? I have to keep him.
No you aren't horrible for thinking of yourself. Yes, your cats are suffering.
Damon is very territorial. Like most male cats, he prefer to live alone. Domestic cats are just as territorial as wild cats (lions and tigers).
Call your local animal rescue for advice. They'll know helpful behavioral tips and which cat would be easier to rehome.
I took him to the vet. He was terrified. They had to put on big gloves and he was trying to growl and fight them. They examined him. He was healthy. They gave me medication for him. It's temporary and then will put him on long term medication. The vet thinks I need to separate Damon and Lola right away. And do a year long re-introduction. She said with the medication it may work. It may not and I still may have to re-home Lola.
The behaviorist thinks Damon will be better if Lola is gone. The vet says she doesn't know if Damon will change completely regardless. But more relaxed with medication.
I'm so upset. I don't know what to do.
I'm so upset. Who will want Damon as an aggressive cat? They'll put him down. I have to keep him, but if nothing works, I can't live with him attacking me.
Lola could go live with my brother. But I'll miss her. She will never hurt me. I'm so stuck and upset. Everyone thinks I should separate my home and try it. I don't know what to do.
I just hate giving up Lola. She loves me and I love her. I feel like she's being punished for being a good girl. She's so so good. I can't give her up. I love her too much.
It's heartbreaking to bring Lola and leave her then visit the cat that's supposed to be mine, whom I love. My brother talks about eventually moving to another state. I'd never see Lola again. That just sounds so bad. I cry and sob when I think of giving up Lola.
What's punishing her is forcing her to live in a household with an abuser (Damon).
Personally, I would send her to live with your brother and see if this solves the problem. But if Damon continues to behave dangerously toward you even after she's gone for a while and you've followed through on the behaviorists' recommendations, he is not rehomable, and that situation cannot continue. The only realistic answer at that point would be euthanasia. Sorry.
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