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I just hate giving up Lola. She loves me and I love her. I feel like she's being punished for being a good girl. She's so so good. I can't give her up. I love her too much.
It's heartbreaking to bring Lola and leave her then visit the cat that's supposed to be mine, whom I love. My brother talks about eventually moving to another state. I'd never see Lola again. That just sounds so bad. I cry and sob when I think of giving up Lola.
But I too, worry this will effect her long term. Being subjected to Damon's off and on personality. Last week Lola was laying on my legs and Damon came up, and cuddle on my stomach near her. They were happy and fine.
Do you think there is any hope I can keep Lola and Damon with behavior modification and medication?
I also think maybe I need to fix up things at home. Right now I have two litter boxes in the basement. Now I am thinking of getting two more to put in mu upstairs. Rightnow they share a food and water stations. Two bowls of food and two of water next to each other. I was thinking of putting another station. Somewhere else. Would this help?
You have to think of what's best for Lola first though. If Lola will be safe at your brother's house, at least temporarily, then that's what is best for her ATM. I had the exact same problem with two cats in my household at one time. I had an older tabby cat named Squeak who was very tiny and couldn't really defend herself. I later adopted a pair of cats, Kiska and Meo (Russian Blue and Tonkinese) who needed rehoming by a sailor who was being deployed. Those two had never been around other cats either. Meo adapted well to my 5 cats, but Kiska was a real handful. He honed in on Squeak as his prey and would attack her viciously. I had to rehome her temporarily with a relative while Kisa went on Prozac. It worked miracles - it stopped his aggression as well as his constant peeing on things (no medical reason). I got Squeak back and we all lived happily after that. Sometimes medication is not such a terrible thing.
You could always try a trial period with your brother as long as the two cats need to be separated anyway.
You are very fortunate to have a brother close by who is willing to help like that. You'll be able to pop by and see your baby girl and then go home and reassure your fussy boy.
Things do have a way of working out for the best. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know it's not easy.
My brother lives an hour away. I do see him monthly, but that's it.
You have to think of what's best for Lola first though. If Lola will be safe at your brother's house, at least temporarily, then that's what is best for her ATM. I had the exact same problem with two cats in my household at one time. I had an older tabby cat named Squeak who was very tiny and couldn't really defend herself. I later adopted a pair of cats, Kiska and Meo (Russian Blue and Tonkinese) who needed rehoming by a sailor who was being deployed. Those two had never been around other cats either. Meo adapted well to my 5 cats, but Kiska was a real handful. He honed in on Squeak as his prey and would attack her viciously. I had to rehome her temporarily with a relative while Kisa went on Prozac. It worked miracles - it stopped his aggression as well as his constant peeing on things (no medical reason). I got Squeak back and we all lived happily after that. Sometimes medication is not such a terrible thing.
They spoke about Prozac at the vet. I pray it works for my guy too.
I think most cats prefer being alone. I recall research showing that they primarily view other cats as stressors and competitors. Feral cats do not necessarily avoid each other, and may on occasion socialize, but they do mostly act alone. I think the idea that cats need a 'sibling' to play with is just us projecting human tendencies on them, but humans are of course a different species with different social behavior. And most of the time it's just humans trying to rationalize their desire to have more than one 'cute toy' in the house anyway.
It doesn't have to end in tears, and cats can learn to find an arrangement that allows them to co-exist, but I strongly suspect it's quite rare that adding a 2nd or 3rd or 4th cat is actually doing the 1st cat any favors. Multiple cat households are not a new thing of course, but in the past those cats usually would spend a good amount of time outdoors where they can do their own thing. Growing up my family had multiple outdoor cats, and I noticed that they really don't spend any time together outside and instead go off on their own adventures. I imagine locked into an indoor space where the opportunity to avoid each other is pretty limited (especially with a centralized food source) makes it much more difficult for them to tolerate each other.
The problem in OP's case seems to be that she gets in the way of Damon asserting his tyranny over Lola. But it looks like that's probably the 'natural state' between them. Keeping them both and trying to force them to be 'friends' isn't doing either one of them a favor. Ultimately which one to keep is your own decision. Some might say Damon needs to go because he's the aggressor, but on the other hand, he's also the one whose sphere is being intruded upon. I do strongly suspect his behavior would normalize if the other cat goes. On the other hand, if you like Lola much better than it's understandable you'd rather keep her, and I wouldn't blame you either. I do suspect it'd be much harder on him and he'd struggle to recover from it, but whether you can live with that is a separate question.
Just remember that Damon was once such a sweet kitty that you went out and got Lola. If he had been a holy terror from the day you brought him home you never would have considered getting a second cat.
I just hate giving up Lola. She loves me and I love her. I feel like she's being punished for being a good girl. She's so so good. I can't give her up. I love her too much.
It's heartbreaking to bring Lola and leave her then visit the cat that's supposed to be mine, whom I love. My brother talks about eventually moving to another state. I'd never see Lola again. That just sounds so bad. I cry and sob when I think of giving up Lola.
But I too, worry this will effect her long term. Being subjected to Damon's off and on personality. Last week Lola was laying on my legs and Damon came up, and cuddle on my stomach near her. They were happy and fine.
Do you think there is any hope I can keep Lola and Damon with behavior modification and medication?
I also think maybe I need to fix up things at home. Right now I have two litter boxes in the basement. Now I am thinking of getting two more to put in mu upstairs. Rightnow they share a food and water stations. Two bowls of food and two of water next to each other. I was thinking of putting another station. Somewhere else. Would this help?
There’s always hope… but it is going to be a lot of work and there is always the possibility that the reintroduction doesn’t work.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
And, yes, extra litter boxes and separate feeding/water stations are a good idea.
I used to have two cats, one of them (the male cat) just died because of cancer I adopted my female cat first when she was one year old & then five months later I adopted the male one but he was already five years old at that time so he wanted to be a dominant.
I'd say my cats were not good friends, they just tolerated each other. My female cat liked to tease my male cat & he would get annoyed & swat at her but they never attacked each other.
One morning, my female cat was suddenly crying & hissing very loud, I was shocked watching my male cat became aggressive chasing & humping her (both neutered & spayed) so I was like, this is unusual.
My male cat had thyroid issues but he was in his medication so I didn't know why he behaved like that, based on the information I found I guess it must be something wrong with his thyroid conditions.
I decided to take him to see a vet to get checked up & I was right, the vet amended the dosage of his thyroid medication prescription & since then, he became calmer & acted normal again.
If I may suggest, take Damon to the vet & have him a thorough wellness exam including his blood & thyroid tests. Because that can affect their behavior. I may be wrong as I'm not a vet but I also won't rule out that possibility.
I think it's cruel to lock them up separately. It's a punishment to both of them. Damon sounds like he has some psychological problems that appeared when Lola came into his home. It could be coincidence or maybe he is a one owner cat.
My first thought is what Jackson Galaxy would do and get a complete blood work/physical done with the vet to rule out mental behavioral problems.
You may need to rehome Damon since he attacked you. It may have been he didn't recognize you in the dark and maybe he was half asleep himself. Lola is displaying fear which will make Damon attack her more often. If the ears are pinned down and they are hissing its not play. Loud screeching is the female playing. Please get him to a vet.
Just remember that Damon was once such a sweet kitty that you went out and got Lola. If he had been a holy terror from the day you brought him home you never would have considered getting a second cat.
It wasn't though. For almost two years, they were fine together with minimal fighting or chaos. This has all built up over the last year.
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I adopted my female cat first when she was one year old & then five months later I adopted the male one but he was already five years old at that time so he wanted to be a dominant.
