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I know someone who is thin and has been for decades. He thinks he is fat because of shaming done when he was a child. It obviously can affect some people for many years forward.
If you touch another person's butt, genitals, breasts when it is unwanted, that's sexual harassment. Just because it is happening to a boy in this instance or "the harasser didn't intend it to be sexual" is irrelevant. That's like saying I could grab a woman's breast in the grocery store this morning and tell the police officer, "but I didn't mean it to be sexual. I'm a straight woman." Who gives a whoop if I meant it to be sexual or not?
An eleven year old smacking another boy's butt is old enough to know better and receive consequences, or would that same behavior be okay when they turn around and do it to a girl in the class?
An eleven year old smacking another boy's butt is old enough to know better and receive consequences, or would that same behavior be okay when they turn around and do it to a girl in the class?
I don't know about this... I seem to remember boys smacking each others' butts all through middle and high school. Guys are physical with each other. That's never going to change.
Reassure your son that the body he has now is going to change dramatically over the next 3 years and to stay active and be patient.
I don't know about this... I seem to remember boys smacking each others' butts all through middle and high school. Guys are physical with each other. That's never going to change.
Reassure your son that the body he has now is going to change dramatically over the next 3 years and to stay active and be patient.
I remember a lot happening when I was in middle and high school that is no longer considered appropriate, and I am fully onboard with that. Body shaming is not appropriate, and body shaming WITH unwanted touching is even less appropriate. This behavior is likely more common with women, as body shaming happens a lot, particularly in all women’s groups, but that doesn’t make it appropriate. My best friend was body shamed a lot in middle school/early high school and it stuck with her for about a decade. I really see no benefit in saying certain behaviors happen and we just need to accept it.
If you touch another person's butt, genitals, breasts when it is unwanted, that's sexual harassment. Just because it is happening to a boy in this instance or "the harasser didn't intend it to be sexual" is irrelevant. That's like saying I could grab a woman's breast in the grocery store this morning and tell the police officer, "but I didn't mean it to be sexual. I'm a straight woman." Who gives a whoop if I meant it to be sexual or not?
An eleven year old smacking another boy's butt is old enough to know better and receive consequences, or would that same behavior be okay when they turn around and do it to a girl in the class?
Someone gets it. Also, I'm going to maintain my theory that if it was a girl people would be screaming sexual harassment. It works both ways.
I don't think that I would approach this as "sexual harassment" because it sounds a lot more like mean spirited teasing rather than sexually motivated.
Kids can be mean and merciless at times. If they see something different in another kid, they point it out in a loud and humiliating way.
I think it's good that you let the teacher know what was happening. As a mom I would encourage my son to join a gym and get into the best shape possible - I'd even consider paying for some personal training sessions, not to target his butt necessarily but to improve his overall fitness level. I'd also take him shopping to look for some more flattering clothes. One of my kids went through a chubby stage and weight training made a huge difference for him as he grew taller and leaner. He looked pretty buff by about his junior year.
As others have pointed out, your son's body will be changing a lot in the coming years.
My son had a big butt - it went away. I would buy your son better fitting pants. If needed have the pants tailored. Make sure his shirts reach below his butt.
When children are pressured into transitioning, any teasing/harassment regarding attributes of opposite sex should be stopped immediately.
If a preadolescent girl slapped another girls' butt playfully you mean? People would be screaming sexual harassment?
I'm just not sure about that.
They’d be screaming about something- eating disorders commonly develop after age 10 in middle school or high school. A girl who is more developed at 10-11 often gets unwanted comments, likely from both girls and boys. That sort of attention is usually unwanted and wildly inappropriate.
I recommend having him enroll in martial arts. The benefits are numerous -- it's a great workout, teaches self defense, and builds self-confidence. And above that, it's fun and a good community to be part of.
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