Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My solution: I changed the wording on my mom. When she says, "I love you," rather than leave her hanging, I say, "I appreciate you, too." How can she be mad at that? It's sly in getting around the uncomfortably of generically saying "I love you" and brings some humor into the mix while still being endearing all the same. Win-win.
Not a bad idea but if it's truly just an exchange of "I love you"s, I don't really see the problem. It sounds like the OP's mother isn't simply exchanging the words, but wants to make some kind of production out of it ... or at least that's how it feels to the OP. I assume the mother is being needy about it. And I agree with the other poster who said it's time to probe a bit into Mom's feelings and the reasons for them. Always assuming Mom will talk about feelings and fears at all.
I get it, the whole feeling that this has maybe gone a bit overboard with the hugging and stuff, BUT....
On the one hand you're saying that you are only going to do whatever it is you feel like doing, however you're upset with your mother for doing exactly the same thing, doing whatever it is she feels like doing. Why do your preferences and feelings take precedence over hers? Can the two of you not find some middle ground and respect for each others feelings?
How about people respecting other people's boundaries?
BTW, the middle ground is me doing these things sometimes.
OP is apparently a control freak, this isn't going to happen.
Maybe he got that from his mother. Excessive "I love you"s (with implied reciprication demands) are a controlling tactic. Mom no doubt senses the awkwardness.
Personally I find these I love you moments a bit fake and forced. I prefer a greeting or good bye that is just as loving such as "It's so nice to see you" or "Thanks for visiting, hope to see you again soon"
Maybe he got that from his mother. Excessive "I love you"s (with implied reciprication demands) are a controlling tactic. Mom no doubt senses the awkwardness.
Personally I find these I love you moments a bit fake and forced. I prefer a greeting or good bye that is just as loving such as "It's so nice to see you" or "Thanks for visiting, hope to see you again soon"
Things I would say when running into my doctor at the store, or to my neighbor at a BBQ, not my mother.
I wish my mother were still alive so I could tell her I love her.
If it's too hard for you to say I love you too, maybe you could say something to her such as you're a great mother. But honestly, it takes what - 3 seconds? What exactly is she taking from you that is so valuable?
My thoughts exactly. Give your mom the loves she deserves, it takes 3 seconds. She's earned it.
1) You don't have to say it back. She may just want to be sure that you know . You never mentioned her demanding a response.
2 You don't have to hug. You could come up with your own thing: fist bump or whatever. If you're more comfortable avoiding it with excuses, blame germ-sharing, whatever.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by CalvinT
We were never a 'huggy/kissy/I love you' family, but over the past five years or so, my mom, who I live close to, see and talk to often, wants to hug and say 'I love you' every single time we interact, even if I pop in for five minutes.
She's taking the whole 'this may be the last time we see each other' thing a little too literally. It's often awkward and uncomfortable for me. I usually just want normal human interaction, not a Hallmark moment.
It then becomes a negative experience if I don't give into her wants and needs. I'm tired of the 'you'll wish I was here to hug one day' guilt trip. Regardless of how many times I let her know I'm not into it, she comes at me. She has no regards for my feelings, it's all about what she wants.
Yes, I'll miss her when she's gone, she a good mother, but I'm not going to miss the awkward goodbyes. I have a wife to hug.
Anybody ever have a situation like this?
I’m divided on this one. I find the repetitive “you’ll miss hugging your mom when she dies” talk forever annoying trying to guilt trip you. But maybe your mom realizes or had a shock into her about her mortality and wants to correct the years when the family wasn’t that affectionate.
I’m dealing with something similar since my oldest maternal uncle died last month and it was a hard blow to my mother. I think that if she was a good mother as you have stated, I’d sacrifice 5 seconds of comfort just for the chance you can savor those 5 seconds every day just in case you don’t get the chance to physically tell your mother goodbye before she passes on. I got to tell my dead dad I love him one last time after a long contentious relationship at times and the comfort that moment has bring over the years is invaluable.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's sly in getting around the uncomfortably of generically saying "I love you" and brings some humor into the mix while still being endearing all the same. Win-win.
