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Nothing perfect about this at all. It is the opposite of perfect. There is no peace of mind for yourself at all. Don't be an enabler.
I think so too. That $500 loan worked for the WK, but it won't work for most. Most will keep asking.
Just say no. Practice in front of the mirror. "No I don't lend money". You don't need to give him any life advice since he gets angry at advice (I know I suggested the junk hauler, but I expect that would be a no on his part lol) just say no..
I have some experience with this and will echo the others who have advised you against it. It never ends. I was a sucker and am out $ 16,000 that I'll never get back.
Probably extra food and comfort drugs that the OP doesn't know about. I have an acquaintance who is exactly like the OP's friend - has worthless 'sentimentality' memorabilia and junk in storage, can't hold down any kind of job, has no place to live except his car, is on social assistance and spends that money on food, comfort drugs and beer that he thinks nobody else knows about, is no longer welcome to sleep on other people's couches and never pays back loans but never stops trying to hit up other people for so-called loans that everyone knows will never get paid back.
People say he's a deadbeat bum but the truth is he has sustained head injuries during his life that have disabled him mentally just enough that they've prevented him from being a fully functional and productive member of society. He can never get better so he's just living on the edge and surviving on welfare.
I think OP should NOT be considering a loan under any circumstances to her friend or he will never stop trying to put the touch on her for loans. He will be hanging around (if she lets him), coming to her door and always be hitting her up for money and arguing with her about it as if she owes him something based on their acquaintanceship. So there's no point in her demanding to know what the friend is spending his money on as a condition of considering a hopeless, never returnable loan. He could tell her any old cockamamie story so why should she believe him?
Like the OP said above, she's not his wife or girlfriend, she's not his mother, sister or other relative, she doesn't owe him a single thing, she's just an old friend who is watching the burning out and failure of another old friend that she can't support. He's being supported by social assistance.
I'm not sure why the OP posted about him here, she apparently already knows what she needs to do about the friend (meaning "nothing") and she didn't ask a question.
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I agree I'm a he not a she and he is not using drugs I known him for 35 years talk to him often we do things together like 4 wheeling stuff. I'm the only friend he has he has no family they are all passed on. Like I said before he had a sweet deal with a woman who lived off a family trust fund her entire life he lived with her for 20 years but he always been a hoarder.
The hoarding got so bad couldn't even go into the garage, or backyard. Eventually she had enough of him and he had to leave of course he left 90% of the things he had which were actually worth money piled up behind bunch of junk that was worthless. I was able to get a few things out of the garage the last day before he was suppose to leave he is in the process of selling those things. I have been telling him for last 2 months to start selling it all he sat on his rear end didn't do that blew through his savings.
This woman's kids ended up getting everything which is what they wanted they were there the next day going though all his tools he left behind about $10k worth of tools. It's all his fault IMO I wasn't going to spend a week dealing with his stuff.
He had 3 months to deal with it but it was in the summer he had lot of health issues mostly due to incorrect medication a doctor had prescribed. He ended up in the hospital for 10 days where they figured out all his meds were wrong took him off everything. He is looking into filing lawsuit now against that doctor I don't think any attorney will take it on. Maybe he can claim he was weakened couldn't get his stuff out of there.
The combination of health issues, and his own fault where he is now. I think what ill do if he is in real need ill tell him give him a one time payment which in a roundabout way it was his money he gave me a classic vehicle that would have been left behind. I paid for towing to my house it cost me about $900 in parts and my time I made about $1500 selling it i'll give $400 I spent lot of hours on it. I'm going to tell him after that no more money he have to figure it out.
I have lent a friend money for a specific unplanned or short term need (unexpected vet bill, stranded by a broken down car) and we always agreed to repayment terms in writing so everyone's memory and expectations remain clear. I have no trouble making a small gift to a friend but this situation is totally different OP. I wouldn't lend someone money just to enable them to keep living. My loan, no matter how big or small isn't going to solve the underlying problem. They probably need what I can't give and money won't solve what's wrong. Sometimes, the best way to help someone is to force them to see what isn't working, not prolong their delusion or denial. Pull off the Band-Aid.
If you feel you must give him money because of the collector car, that's your decision, but it doesn't sound as if you owe him anything. You took an inconvenient possession off his hands and got some satisfaction from it. You're just trying to justify yourself to avoid feeling guilty. If you do it anyway, be warned. That money will never actually be a loan, it will be a gift. Kiss it goodbye and close the book.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-30-2022 at 06:35 PM..
I have lent a friend money for a specific unplanned or short term need (unexpected vet bill, stranded by a broken down car) and we always agreed to repayment terms in writing so everyone's memory and expectations remain clear. I have no trouble making a small gift to a friend but this situation is totally different OP. I wouldn't lend someone money just to enable them to keep living. My loan, no matter how big or small isn't going to solve the underlying problem. They probably need what I can't give and money won't solve what's wrong. Sometimes, the best way to help someone is to force them to see what isn't working, not prolong their delusion or denial. Pull off the Band-Aid.
If you feel you must give him money because of the collector car, that's your decision, but it doesn't sound as if you owe him anything. You took an inconvenient possession off his hands and got some satisfaction from it. You're just trying to justify yourself to avoid feeling guilty. If you do it anyway, be warned. That money will never actually be a loan, it will be a gift. Kiss it goodbye and close the book.
I agree if I give him any money it will be after he clears out that storage, or he will be right back in the same place again the next month. I would not expect any money in return he may not even ask after I reminded him yesterday that the stuff he keeps in that storage has less value then 3 months at $200 a month.
I agree if I give him any money it will be after he clears out that storage, or he will be right back in the same place again the next month. I would not expect any money in return he may not even ask after I reminded him yesterday that the stuff he keeps in that storage has less value then 3 months at $200 a month.
Dangling the carrot of clearing out the storage locker won't solve the problem either. He can probably bring himself to do that if he thinks he can keep you on the hook or get more out of you. BUT, if his underlying urge to hoard isn't dealt with, he'll just fill it up again...and your gift will help him do it.
Dangling the carrot of clearing out the storage locker won't solve the problem either. He can probably bring himself to do that if he thinks he can keep you on the hook or get more out of you. BUT, if his underlying urge to hoard isn't dealt with, he'll just fill it up again...and your gift will help him do it.
I would not lend him money. I would go get a cheap motel and pay a weeks rent. I would tell him that that is all I will give him and don't ask for more. People like that will take and take. He reminds me of my brother. He lived off of our mother until the day she died. He lived off of anyone else that would take him in. He wound up living on a beach in Florida. I found out after connecting with another friend I hadn't seen in decades that he took him and my brother ripped him off. He kicked him out as well.
My brother called me out of the blue after not seeing each other for over ten years. He left a message on our answering machine and I never called him back. Nope, not my turn to baby sit.
You can't allow predators to take what you legitimately earned. Cut him off, and cut him loose. He can go to a shelter if he can't afford that hotel anymore.
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