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Of course I can relate to this. You have every right not to have toxic people in your life. Good for you for standing up and saying no thanks. I think we've all been there a time or two.
I had a friend tell me not to be a door mat. I'm a giver by nature, and givers have to be careful. There are a lot of takers out there that won't mind bleeding you dry. Ironically, I took her advice and kicked her to the curb. Narcissistic was her middle name. I looked her up on Facebook and there was nothing but picture after picture of her in different poses. Yikes.
Your friend will have to respect your boundaries with his son or he will just have to take a hike too.
My cousin and his wife were already coming over for the game last night to hang with me and my wife:
So, a friend texts and asks if he can come over, which I agree to. Good.
Then he texts and acts like I should be honored that his 23 year old son wants to come, too. Ugh ...
First thing I ask is "Did he shower?" My buddy doesn't know, but says "I can spray him down," as in spray him with AXE ... I give him a 'No!'
The son is a lazy, selfish bum who refuses to work, is far left with his social/political views and doesn't like me because my views differ. His excuse for not working is he won't work for this place or that place because of their positions on whatever. He stinks because he's too lazy to keep up with his hygiene.
Anyway, I've tried over the years to be cool with this guy. He likes baseball, so a couple times I reached out to him about a game or whatever, just to be ignored. OK, whatever ... I finally just deleted his number.
He's always been selfish with food. A few years back he was over for a game, brought popcorn (which I gave him a bowl for), then proceeded to turn his body around, facing the backrest of the couch, so that nobody could get his popcorn. Never saw anything like it ... I don't like stuff like that.
Last time I was over their house, they had a pizza. My buddy offers me a slice and sonny boy quick chimes up "He ain't getting any of mine!" I tell him "That's not a good way to make friends." I order something for myself.
There's been a few instances like this with this guy. Quite a few times we've fed him at our house (and boy will he eat!).
Anyway, I finally told my buddy 'Don't bring him.' and 'I tried with him ... I'm done.'
My buddy (who stayed home) actually does get it and wasn't offended. I'm just at the point in my life where I'm not going to deal with people who cause me stress or I don't like. (Actually, I've been like for a long time now, but my tolerance for nonsense is lower than ever)
Can anybody relate to this situation?
Yes, I can. I have a stepson (in his mid 40's) who has an explosive temper, with a wife and a girlfriend, and the 2 women know about each other, and at one point, they tried to be a throuple. But the women fight, so it didn't work out.
There has been lots and lots and lots of drama over the years, and I, personally, am pretty exhausted with it all. My husband and I had to finally put our foot down, and tell the stepson that his paramour isn't welcome to our place in the country. Keep her away. Now...this woman is just a part of all the drama, but it's where we feel like we can make the rules, and she is a contributor to the lack of peace in our own space.
My cousin and his wife were already coming over for the game last night to hang with me and my wife:
So, a friend texts and asks if he can come over, which I agree to. Good.
Then he texts and acts like I should be honored that his 23 year old son wants to come, too. Ugh ...
First thing I ask is "Did he shower?" My buddy doesn't know, but says "I can spray him down," as in spray him with AXE ... I give him a 'No!'
The son is a lazy, selfish bum who refuses to work, is far left with his social/political views and doesn't like me because my views differ. His excuse for not working is he won't work for this place or that place because of their positions on whatever. He stinks because he's too lazy to keep up with his hygiene.
Anyway, I've tried over the years to be cool with this guy. He likes baseball, so a couple times I reached out to him about a game or whatever, just to be ignored. OK, whatever ... I finally just deleted his number.
He's always been selfish with food. A few years back he was over for a game, brought popcorn (which I gave him a bowl for), then proceeded to turn his body around, facing the backrest of the couch, so that nobody could get his popcorn. Never saw anything like it ... I don't like stuff like that.
Last time I was over their house, they had a pizza. My buddy offers me a slice and sonny boy quick chimes up "He ain't getting any of mine!" I tell him "That's not a good way to make friends." I order something for myself.
There's been a few instances like this with this guy. Quite a few times we've fed him at our house (and boy will he eat!).
Anyway, I finally told my buddy 'Don't bring him.' and 'I tried with him ... I'm done.'
My buddy (who stayed home) actually does get it and wasn't offended. I'm just at the point in my life where I'm not going to deal with people who cause me stress or I don't like. (Actually, I've been like for a long time now, but my tolerance for nonsense is lower than ever)
Can anybody relate to this situation?
Probably best to reply "not a good time". You are having other company you have invited. He's been a problem before, don't encourage him. Some people are best in small doses or even better, not at all. I remember having to cut a few friends loose because they could not or would not grow up.
You've undoubtedly worked hard all your life & paid your dues several times over. Lose the people that irritate you with no benefit. Dad sounds like a classic bum, son a new age bum.
You handled it perfectly because you have an awesome relationship with your buddy.
Y'all, this kid is 23. Really more like 21 if you count COVID. He is immature but not a lost cause nor suffering from mental issues. Maybe being told point blank that you are choosing not to engage with him because of his choices could be a wake-up call?
My cousin and his wife were already coming over for the game last night to hang with me and my wife:
So, a friend texts and asks if he can come over, which I agree to. Good.
Honestly? I think that was a mistake on your part. It disregards how your other guests, your cousin and his wife, might feel about the guy and his stinky son coming over.
If I invite certain people over, that's who I am prepared to entertain for the evening and that's the number of people I've bought food and drink for. Therefore, if someone else tries to barge in on it and invite themselves over, I simply say I have plans that evening. They don't need specifics. Plus, I have a few groups of friends and while they are all adult enough to be welcoming and polite with one another, I know that some of them would mix like oil and water if a political discussion broke out like you say it does at your house. (I would put a stop to it, but still, ruffled feathers are ruffled feathers.) And some just wouldn't relate to one another or would feel awkward around one another. Like, I wouldn't invite a friend who goes to AA to a gathering of wine snobs.
I realize this might have been an informal gathering and maybe your cousin and his wife already know and like the guy, though. I just think it's weird and rude for people to invite themselves over like that.
Honestly? I think that was a mistake on your part. It disregards how your other guests, your cousin and his wife, might feel about the guy and his stinky son coming over.
If I invite certain people over, that's who I am prepared to entertain for the evening and that's the number of people I've bought food and drink for. Therefore, if someone else tries to barge in on it and invite themselves over, I simply say I have plans that evening. They don't need specifics. Plus, I have a few groups of friends and while they are all adult enough to be welcoming and polite with one another, I know that some of them would mix like oil and water if a political discussion broke out like you say it does at your house. (I would put a stop to it, but still, ruffled feathers are ruffled feathers.) And some just wouldn't relate to one another or would feel awkward around one another. Like, I wouldn't invite a friend who goes to AA to a gathering of wine snobs.
I realize this might have been an informal gathering and maybe your cousin and his wife already know and like the guy, though. I just think it's weird and rude for people to invite themselves over like that.
There's also the issue of who you think would be a good match.
Why would you want to share his popcorn if his hygiene isn't the best?
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Not every child who lives in their parents' home as an adult is a deadbeat lazy slob. Sometimes it is a conscious, mutually beneficial arrangement.
