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I probably could spend Thanksgiving with both, but the larger overall point is that I don't believe that there's any easy option for reconcilliation between my dad and certain members of the family.
My dad has tried to get my aunt fired from her job on several occasions. He also once went to his cousin's house when the cousin's close friend was killed in a car crash. My dad went to his house solely to tell him that the car crash wouldn't have happened if Trump were re-elected. I can go on and on with some of my parents' egregious actions, but the point is that this is a situation that requires more than just one dinner and a simple Full House talk.
I have to admit, I'd be curious to know how Trump's re-election could have prevented that car accident.
Ever since the 2016 U.S. election, my parents have gotten more actively involved in politics. And by "actively involved", I mean they've just turned into a couple of recluses who just lock themselves inside and watch Fox news all day long. On top of that, they just turn every discussion into a political one, even if the conversation starter isn't even remotely related to politics.
"Where'd you go out to eat?"
"Popeyes."
"Oh. That's where the liberals get their chicken."
That's basically what it's like talking with my parents in a nutshell. They've lost a bunch of friends as a result. Everytime they'd go out just for something simple like movies, sporting events, or dinners, they'd turn everything into a political conversation and people started to get sick of it really quick. I've have to constantly deal with them calling me and wondering why nobody wants to hang out with them. The 2020 election only made them double down on their behavior and it's started to affect our whole family now.
Throughout our family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) my parents now have the reputation as the bitter hermits who just ramble about politics all the time. Throughout the years, we've had to deal with less and less family members showing up for gatherings. Last Thanksgiving was the year when my grandpa (my mom's dad) simply called from home, told both of my parents that him and my grandma won't be joining us for Thanksgiving, and then gave them the number of a therapist. My mom and her dad haven't been on speaking terms since then and my mom keeps using the term "excommunicated from the family" when referring to her parents.
Just a few days ago, I got a call from my aunt (my dad's sister) and she invited me over to her place for Thanksgiving. My aunt's Thanksgiving last year (I didn't attend, but heard through the grapevine) involved basically the entire family minus me and my parents. The word is that everyone was talking about how crazy my parents have become and how they feel bad for me having to spend my Holidays with them. Now this year, it's looking to be the same, except my aunt wants me involved. She didn't say it directly, but I obviously understood the subtext of the conversation: She wants me away from my parents, especially since her and my dad have always had a poor relationship and she's been vocal about my upbringing with them.
I think that it'd be great to have a normal Thanksgiving where everyone's actually having a good time and being happy in a completely apolitical environment. I haven't experienced something like that since 2015 and I'm tempted to take up my aunt's offer. It's just that I know that my parents wouldn't like it and they'd do whatever in their power to prevent it. I also admit to feeling guilty about leaving just my two parents alone for Thanksgiving. Would I be the bad guy for not joining my parents this year?
Omg...just read that. That is so sad. I feel your pain.
My Mom use to be that way, I finally told her we both have a right to our opinion, and it's not something we will ever agree on, so we should just agree to disagree....but she was kind of obsessed with Trump and watched Fox New excessively, and you couldn't talk to her about anything without it being brought up. I told her that I just didn't care to argue with her about it, and it was causing a barrier, that we had to let politics go, unless we wanted it to tarnish the last years of our lives and our memories. There are all kinds of things to talk about in the world, it doesn't have to come around to politics every single time...(and she was pushy and very argumentative about it.)
It's okay to believe what you believe or like what you like, but don't try to force everyone around you to do so too, or to rattle on about it nonstop.
I would avoid her if she brought it up. She eventually got the message, and doesn't do that anymore.
Last edited by Crazee Cat Lady; 10-26-2022 at 04:43 AM..
OP's parents are toxic and it's affecting the entire family. If he can spend one Thanksgiving with other family, he's not the bad guy. His parents have isolated themselves from everyone, and OP doesn't need to wallow in it with them for a turkey dinner.
This.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Join suit. And tell them why.
We literally had to tell my in-laws to cut out the politics.
Here's the thing about people who talk about politics non-stop, regardless of what side of the political divide they might lie: They are tedious. That's right. Tedious.
If every topic is fair game for you to get in your political digs, if you are basing your entire relationship with someone on whether they think like you, then you are a gigantic pain in the ass to be around.
Believe me when I say this. There are an infinite number of topics that are interesting and don't revolve around politics. Try learning what those are.
Agreed. I hate it when people rant on about Politics or their specific religion and bring every conversation back to that topic....even when I happen to agree with them. It's making yourself insufferable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould
One approach you may want to take is to leave whenever the political comments start.
Communicate to your parents that you will no longer listen to their FOX/Trump talk.
Then when it starts, which it invariably will, get up and leave.
By Thanksgiving your problem will be solved.
This is what I did with my Mom, it took awhile, but it did eventually work.
Last edited by Crazee Cat Lady; 10-26-2022 at 04:39 AM..
Maybe so, but there is a difference between "Please don't talk about politics" -- talk about politics continues -- lather rinse repeat -- AND - Dad brings up politics - kid gets up and leaves immediately - I would bet MOM will be mad that her nice dinner is now ruined. Maybe she can pound some sense into him.
Maybe so, but there is a difference between "Please don't talk about politics" -- talk about politics continues -- lather rinse repeat -- AND - Dad brings up politics - kid gets up and leaves immediately - I would bet MOM will be mad that her nice dinner is now ruined. Maybe she can pound some sense into him.
Hard to predict.
But it worked for me and Crazee Cat Lady.
Mod cut.
But if the parents have hung with him this long, it is unlikely they are going to change up now.
The question is whether the OP can teach them to zip it when he's around.
Fingers crossed.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-03-2022 at 12:57 PM..
Reason: Please save your personal politics for the P&OC forum.
I would encourage the OP to explain to his parents that he is not going to listen to any more Fox/Trump talk. He/she has had it.
When they start in, which they will, just get up and leave. Don't argue, or explain.
Hug them goodby and leave.
After the third or fourth time, explain that you want a peaceful, unpolitical Thanksgiving surrounded by family and thus will not be celebrating Thanksgiving with them.
As someone else posted, do it early enough that they can downsize their dinner accordingly.
OP's parents are toxic and it's affecting the entire family. If he can spend one Thanksgiving with other family, he's not the bad guy. His parents have isolated themselves from everyone, and OP doesn't need to wallow in it with them for a turkey dinner.
Exactly. I totally understand and say go for it. I don't know why people are making the OP the bad guy here and basically taking the crazy, negative parents' side. Heck, if ANYTHING, once they see their own child can't even bare to spend Thanksgiving with them anymore, they might finally "get it" and possibly start to consider changing their bitter, negative, insular ways.
Oregon is right. If you show up at your aunt and uncle's house, you'll spend the day either trashing your parents or feeling like you need to defend them
I doubt it. OP has said in VERY clear terms how and why the rest of the family feels the way they do about his parents and that he feels exactly the same, which is the point of the entire post.
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