Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I find it hard to believe that after all these years, starting in 2016, a couple are locking themselves in their house watching FOX and railing about chicken and accidents.
If the two (parents and aunt) live fairly close together, I would tell aunt, "I'll probably drop by at some point." Then go to parents' house, lay down the law about politics talk, and the first time it comes up, push back your chair, drop the drumstick and tell them "Bye." They need to learn that their actions have consequences. Maybe if they see it in action, they might wise up.
If the two (parents and aunt) live fairly close together, I would tell aunt, "I'll probably drop by at some point." Then go to parents' house, lay down the law about politics talk, and the first time it comes up, push back your chair, drop the drumstick and tell them "Bye." They need to learn that their actions have consequences. Maybe if they see it in action, they might wise up.
Ever since the 2016 U.S. election, my parents have gotten more actively involved in politics. And by "actively involved", I mean they've just turned into a couple of recluses who just lock themselves inside and watch Fox news all day long. On top of that, they just turn every discussion into a political one, even if the conversation starter isn't even remotely related to politics.
"Where'd you go out to eat?"
"Popeyes."
"Oh. That's where the liberals get their chicken."
That's basically what it's like talking with my parents in a nutshell. They've lost a bunch of friends as a result. Everytime they'd go out just for something simple like movies, sporting events, or dinners, they'd turn everything into a political conversation and people started to get sick of it really quick. I've have to constantly deal with them calling me and wondering why nobody wants to hang out with them. The 2020 election only made them double down on their behavior and it's started to affect our whole family now.
Throughout our family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) my parents now have the reputation as the bitter hermits who just ramble about politics all the time. Throughout the years, we've had to deal with less and less family members showing up for gatherings. Last Thanksgiving was the year when my grandpa (my mom's dad) simply called from home, told both of my parents that him and my grandma won't be joining us for Thanksgiving, and then gave them the number of a therapist. My mom and her dad haven't been on speaking terms since then and my mom keeps using the term "excommunicated from the family" when referring to her parents.
Just a few days ago, I got a call from my aunt (my dad's sister) and she invited me over to her place for Thanksgiving. My aunt's Thanksgiving last year (I didn't attend, but heard through the grapevine) involved basically the entire family minus me and my parents. The word is that everyone was talking about how crazy my parents have become and how they feel bad for me having to spend my Holidays with them. Now this year, it's looking to be the same, except my aunt wants me involved. She didn't say it directly, but I obviously understood the subtext of the conversation: She wants me away from my parents, especially since her and my dad have always had a poor relationship and she's been vocal about my upbringing with them.
I think that it'd be great to have a normal Thanksgiving where everyone's actually having a good time and being happy in a completely apolitical environment. I haven't experienced something like that since 2015 and I'm tempted to take up my aunt's offer. It's just that I know that my parents wouldn't like it and they'd do whatever in their power to prevent it. I also admit to feeling guilty about leaving just my two parents alone for Thanksgiving. Would I be the bad guy for not joining my parents this year?
If you spend Thanksgiving having a good time at your aunt's celebration, you will be the bad guy to your parents. No doubt about that.
But the important opinion is yours. Do you think you will be a bad guy?
Its ridiculous, and happens too many times, that holidays are excuses for having to put up with abuse from family members. The OP knows his parents and has put up with this for years. He doesnt have to. If he wants to, go spend it with your aunt and the rest of your family. If you start to feel uncomfortable with the conversation, just say so, and hopefully the family agrees. Or you could just ditch both families and find a friend to spend it with. Holidays are not to force you to be with abusive family members.
I don’t know how old you are, or how old your parents are, or how often you see your parents, or how much they look forward to seeing you on holidays. All these things would play into my decision. I would go to the parents, or go to neither. If you go to the Aunt’s it would be disrespectful. I like the volunteer suggestion.
Maybe if you tell your parents you have other plans, your mom will be glad they can just go to Cracker Barrel.
Sounds like a great year to start a tradition of traveling solo over Thanksgiving weekend. Find an all-inclusive resort somewhere on a beach. I bet they'll have an amazing spread for Turkey Day!
If you want to spend time with your aunt, feel free to go. I see no reason for people to spend time with toxic family members if those family members make them uncomfortable/miserable. There may be some drama, but once you’re an adult and living on your own, you can feel free to make your own decisions about where to spend the holidays.
IMO, it's definitely OK to go to your aunt's house. We have a very toxic member in our family as well, and I sooooo get it, where you dread being around those people.
Yes, go. Have fun.
MY only stipulation is that you tell your parents early enough, so that they don't buy a ton of food, expecting that you'll be there.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
