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I had an overly touchy person I was encountering more than I wanted to and it was quite sexual and I didn't like it so I did that thing when I asked for advice here are you kind of duck away are you moving away from them that only works you can see them coming. You're not eventually had to say I don't like being touched that way.
It caused a bit of a rift with that friend this person was dating that friend but he has since stopped dating her and that's not something I have to do with anymore
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I'm not a fist-fighter, and I'm not weird about contact, but years ago, while sitting at a bar with my cousin, a bridal party came in with one very tall male.
The male stood behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off. He did it again and I shrugged it off again, this time with more emphasis. The third time he did it, I threw an elbow in his sternum and that ended that. I don't know if he was trying to be funny or what ...
What amazes me, is how many psychologists there are, who are unaware of all the people who don't understand (or worse: don't respect) personal space and boundaries! The standard advice they give, if someone's being inappropriate, getting too close, talking too long, or whatever, is to walk away, as if that magically ends the interaction. People with personality disorders don't react in normal ways to attempts to draw boundaries.
I think the idea of personal space and boundaries often varies by culture. In the US and Canada, we have a mix of cultures, so it can often get awkward. Getting angry about it, particularly when you are in a close proximity to each other, may end up badly. I can see why walking away might be recommended. If someone is coming in for cheek kisses, for example, and that makes you uncomfortable, stepping away is going to stop that interaction pretty quickly.
I agree Some of this is influenced by culture. When I travel to places like Mexico for work I receive more short "pecks" on the cheek. When I've been to some Asian countries, I've noticed personal space is a lot smaller.
In general, if I feel uncomfortable, I'll step back. If the person keeps moving closer I'll say something like, "I'm enjoying our conversation but could I ask you to step back just a little bit?" Then look at how the other person responds. If the other person says, "Hey, thanks for mentioning that. I want to make sure I honor your desire" then not only have you made your needs known you've helped the other person to be conscious of something they may not realize and you've even shown you value the other person. If the other person walks of with a disgusted look on their face, that's their problem.
I think the idea of personal space and boundaries often varies by culture. In the US and Canada, we have a mix of cultures, so it can often get awkward. Getting angry about it, particularly when you are in a close proximity to each other, may end up badly. I can see why walking away might be recommended. If someone is coming in for cheek kisses, for example, and that makes you uncomfortable, stepping away is going to stop that interaction pretty quickly.
I've read that Arabs have much smaller personal spaces than Americans. And my spouse travels internationally for business. And she has to remember, now is it 3 pecks on the cheek, 2 pecks on the cheek or just handshakes in this country? There's a Hollywood culture with pecks on the cheek. There are places where greeting friends by hug is common. There are places where it isn't. And it varies by individual.
Ever since the 6 ft distance rule I have yet to see any person get ' chummy' in public.
Usually the two to three ft distance has been in play.
I happen to have a hearing problem so it's a challenge to ' create' that space and still be engaged if I cannot hear them. The perpetual 'pardon I didn't catch that' leads to my just moving nearer. On rare occasions when I have had to tap a side shoulder it's been of importance. Such as, pardon this is my elevator stop . The zoned out person suddenly steps aside.
I originally thought this topic was going down the path of empathy / compassion.
So quite the surprise to see it's on a persons boundary in physical awareness.
Gone are the days where we tap a persons shoulder to quietly say.. there is something clung to your jacket ...or hey! Way to go on that speech. !
I'm a receptive person, so I don't completely have the stand offish attitude . Will work on it though as I can sense there is benefits to self preservation. Sanity being one of them.
Carrying mints is a good way to push people off. If you step back and they step forward, reach in your pocket and offer them a breath mint. Immediately they assume their breath is bad and they step back. LOL I usually just find a reason to excuse myself if they are just too close.
Fortunately, I never in my life had/have I had to deal w/ this. Perhaps, it's just the person I am...maybe my appearance &/or bodylanguage I have that people don't bother doing this stuff w/ me. I wouldn't appreciate it either though in the least & I do think it's equally bad whether men do it to women & women do it to men, but equally bad if it's the same gender who don't know each other well enough or who aren't on that friendly basis for that.
If the 2 are the same gender, I think it's only acceptable ONLY if the 2 people are social friends, so it's NOT good at work either, even if it's between 2 people who get along at work, may have lunch together sometimes/often, etc. That's just making the best of it at work w/ coworkers...doesn't give them the right to put hands on each other.
If someone I'll never see again did this, I may let it go. But if someome I have to see on a regular basis does this, I'll definitely tell them.
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