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I agree with all of you who stated that sarcasm is a way to avoid intimacy and a passive-aggressive cover for underlying anger, and I'm glad that so many of you see it this way. A LOT of people do not get the connection between chronic sarcasm and hostility, or underlying anger. Some people were raised with it, and so they see it as normal, yet they can't seem to figure out why their lives aren't working and why their relationships never get past the superficial stage.
Sarcastic people are mired in their own pain, yet they don't want to do the real work to process and release that pain. That's why I try to stay away from them as much as possible. It's a completely different experience interacting with someone who is coming from a place of truth and can express it, than someone who isn't.
I hate this personality as well, I used to have a friend like that and I refused to tell her personal problems most of the time... I loves when she acted natural
I don't understand why people would want to stunt the growth of their relationships, and their own personal growth, by refusing to be who they really are. It doesn't make sense to me, and I come away from interactions with this kind of person feeling exhausted.
To some extent I am that way and wish I weren't. It's more satisfying being real.
I've just been disappointed so many times when I am real. I have a good marriage, but recently lost my job, lost my parents. I am not getting much support from people I would expect to (link to thread on subject). It's hard to face disappointment so often when being real. Easier when being sarcastic.
To some extent I am that way and wish I weren't. It's more satisfying being real.
I've just been disappointed so many times when I am real. I have a good marriage, but recently lost my job, lost my parents. I am not getting much support from people I would expect to (link to thread on subject). It's hard to face disappointment so often when being real. Easier when being sarcastic.
That is the explanation I've heard from a lot of people on this subject. It just hurts too much to be real and raw. It's easier to bury your feelings underneath sarcasm, because then things hurt less and you don't have to face the pain and disappointment of really trying and putting yourself out there.
I also think that, for some (not you in this case), it's a way of maintaining the upper hand with people. This is also a passive-aggressive way of expressing anger and hostility towards others. If someone is always sarcastic and joking, never real or vulnerable, then they leave people guessing as to who they really are and what their true motives are. This leaves others off-balance and wondering what they have to do to either figure this person out, or make them happy. It's a losing situation for the people on the other end of the sarcastic person.
It seems that, all in all, it stems from hurt. Sometimes that hurt manifests in a desire to punish/hurt others, and sometimes it just results in a desire to protect oneself from MORE hurt.
I know a man who is ALWAYS sarcastic. He does it (and he's even admitted this to me in private) totally as a defense mechanism against being hurt by others.
75% of the people we both know think he's a jerk. He says he'd rather people think he's a jerk and avoid him than get to know the real him and still avoid him.
This being country has lost its sense of humor. I love sarcasm. It's a great way of having fun with a situation without depressing the mood. You have to have a higher level of intellect to pull it off. I enjoy being around people who can sarcastically banter with each other without being offended.
It is possible to go too far. It probably is a protective measure for some people.
They are usually very shallow and that is how they deflect any unwanted attention, put others on the defensive first, show their superiority, and can't be cornered with facts. I find these people very intriguing and easy to manipulate once I get the feel of their routine and games.
Yeah, you sound like someone who gets people. /s (Tag needed since you won't get it). I find it funny you think you'd be able to manipulate anyone considering you think sarcastic people are shallow. Not to mention most sarcastic people are intelligent and would never be "cornered with facts". Seriously, you need to learn to realize you suck at reading people. It's just sad.
People who are sarcastic frequently have been hurt too many times to show themselves truly, which you would realize if you knew anything about people. It's the total opposite of shallow. Only when people need someone to trust or a shoulder to cry on, these guys will show their true emotions and whatnot. Not to mention they're far from showing their superiority because they obviously don't think that way, unless it's a complete idiot (like yourself) or someone like Donald Trump. It's warranted, and pretty much everyone makes jokes at the expense of people like you, because it's easy and since they're stupid enough to make ignorant comments, it's also justified. Nice try, but you need to educate yourself on people. But I know it'll be hard since no one really wants to talk to you
Last edited by projectrevo; 08-18-2015 at 02:00 AM..
Reason: added extra comments
I wouldn't go overboard and decide that people who joke all the time are not being genuine or are hiding behind humor. I tend to make jokes a lot, usually because I always see connections between things, and when I point them out, people laugh. I'm not "trying" or "acting" or "on"--I'm not doing this on purpose or using defenses. I just use connections, often humorous or witty connections between ideas, to make a point. It comes naturally, and to stop doing it would be ingenuine. We also had previous conversations here about "sarcasm" and how too many people define sarcasm always negative or cutting. I use sarcasm in a non-attacking, humorous way, and that also pops up naturally. It's not an act or trying to impress or being defensive. Some of us are just naturally like this.
I also don't talk a lot, so I imagine if I were a "talker," people could see my always using humor as "too much." But as an introvert I tend to keep my mouth shut, and keep to myself, not wasting communication on chit-chat. So when I do open my mouth and say something funny, it's usually appreciated. But even when my mouth is shut, be assured I'm making these little jokes to myself and enjoying my own company
^this
I'm lost I guess on sarcasm being hostile, shallow etc.
I am funny all the time and sarcasm is used for humor a good percentage of it. My favorite ppl are sarcastically funny. I'm not shallow nor anyone I'm close to (because I dont like shallow ppl).
Maybe it is deflection. But I do use humor to enjoy life. A lot of life can be painful, boring, etc. I have fun in most situations to lighten it up. I'm not seeing the harm in it and Im sure it is a preference though so you all might not prefer it. I can find humor in many things and am grateful I can enjoy myself doing the mundane. I'm also a loyal giving person who can be counted on in most situations. So what if I'm sarcastic. Not everyone gets it, and that's ok (just ask my ex bf from MN, he didnt get it at all. Maybe it's regional ?)
Good point. I'd imagine once you beat them at their own game, they'd just crumble because there's nothing of actual substance underneath all that bullsh**.
True. But while that can be fun to do, I just tend to avoid those kind of people as I consider them to be jerks.
I'm lost I guess on sarcasm being hostile, shallow etc.
I am funny all the time and sarcasm is used for humor a good percentage of it. My favorite ppl are sarcastically funny. I'm not shallow nor anyone I'm close to (because I dont like shallow ppl).
Maybe it is deflection. But I do use humor to enjoy life. A lot of life can be painful, boring, etc. I have fun in most situations to lighten it up. I'm not seeing the harm in it and Im sure it is a preference though so you all might not prefer it. I can find humor in many things and am grateful I can enjoy myself doing the mundane. I'm also a loyal giving person who can be counted on in most situations. So what if I'm sarcastic. Not everyone gets it, and that's ok (just ask my ex bf from MN, he didnt get it at all. Maybe it's regional ?)
At times maybe I should turn it off :shrug
I'm lost too. Sarcasm is my native language so that is me being true to myself. Maybe it's not like that for everybody I guess. Sometimes I use it for humor or sometimes I am serious with it. When you're serious with your sarcasm it is a way of expressing your feelings without being painfully blunt so it may lighten the blow.
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Ugh
Nice try, but you need to educate yourself on people. But I know it'll be hard since no one really wants to talk to you 
