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Ok I've been too serious here latley, time for a change, well maybe just this one.
I have been into motorcycles since I was 12, I have 3 boys that ride now too so it was only natural to include my wife, one day she came out and threw her leg up and over my sons KX85 and said teach me to ride. So while I was talking to her my son told her to rev it up and for reasons I can't explain he pulled in the clutch, kicked it into gear and dumped the clutch. She wheelied at almost full throttle and ran directly into our custom van. Now I know that the right responce would have been to run over to my wife to see if she was ok but I ran to the van to survey the damage. She did'nt talk to me the rest of the night. I know I screwed up but all I could think of after I came to my sences was this cartoon where the medics run in and put the motorcycle on the stretcher and leave the victum on the pavement. Good thing she loves me
My story is about my parents. My Dad was very hard of hearing, even with hearing aids. My Mom is legally blind. I had taken my mom and dad to a doctor's appointment and we went to a Friendly's for lunch. Mom and Dad decided to have sundaes for dessert. They ordered their sundaes and both asked for nuts on them. The waitress brought them over and set them down....the place was packed. Mom innocently said to Dad "Honey, are your nuts wet? I know you like them that way..." Dad says, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you..." Mom pretty much yelled, "HONEY, ARE YOUR NUTS WET? I KNOW YOU LIKE THEM THAT WAY." The place broke up in laughter - I laughed so hard I was crying and my Dad just smiled and said, "Yes, they ARE wet, just the way I like them!" (Mom was 79 at the time, Dad was 80)
My story is about my parents. My Dad was very hard of hearing, even with hearing aids. My Mom is legally blind. I had taken my mom and dad to a doctor's appointment and we went to a Friendly's for lunch. Mom and Dad decided to have sundaes for dessert. They ordered their sundaes and both asked for nuts on them. The waitress brought them over and set them down....the place was packed. Mom innocently said to Dad "Honey, are your nuts wet? I know you like them that way..." Dad says, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you..." Mom pretty much yelled, "HONEY, ARE YOUR NUTS WET? I KNOW YOU LIKE THEM THAT WAY." The place broke up in laughter - I laughed so hard I was crying and my Dad just smiled and said, "Yes, they ARE wet, just the way I like them!" (Mom was 79 at the time, Dad was 80)
....and people wonder why I'm demented
I came home but had to get back on....great story! I think some of the funniest stuff comes from family.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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My big grandma..I would watch Lawrence Welk and she would always point out the same attractive man who was in the chorus and say that she had dated him before she met my grandpa. It was easy to watch this man dance and sing and insert a vision of my grandma dancing and singing with him. Still brings a smile on my face when I come across an old Lawrence Welk show on TV. Those were great times. My big grandma would talk too much during commericals. Ever product advertised, she would ask me if I used it. Although I loved her, I would block out this constant questioning...if the drone sounded positive I would answer "ah ha" and if her voice sounded negative I would respond "na ah."
Big grandma was a recluse. One Christmas my dad rented a limo to drive her to our house for a family Christmas. I walked into the kitchen and she was laying on the floor and everyone else was in the livingroom talking and laughing.
"Grandma! What are you doing on the floor?!"
"Child...I was waiting for you to help me into my chair."
I storm into the livingroom and shout "why is grandma on the floor?"
Twenty people look at me like deer in headlights. Finally my aunt whispers. "She felt weak once we got her in the house and wanted us to put her down right then. She said since you were now in nursing school, that she would wait for you to help her into a chair."
I return to the kitchen and there is no room to get around her. "Grandma, I'm going to have to move you into the livingroom so there is more room." She agreed and I dragged my grandma by her feet into the livingroom. She was holding down her dress so that it wouldn't ride up. It took 4 of us to get her into her chair. That's when she spotted a huge new TV with a big bow on it. "Jim..when y'all get a new TV?" Suddenly we all yell Merry Christmas, Mom, Grandma, Mary Ida! That was the first time my grandma had been out of her house in twenty years and she was now a proud owner of her first color TV. She started crying, we all started crying. Then we ate and played poker. Those were great times.
I have several but will only name a couple.
Awhile back, I came back for a trip and as always, save the peanuts that the airlines give you for the grandkids (I cant eat them anyway). My daughter and I were talking and out of the blue, my grandson, who couldnt open his pkg, blurts out 'mom I cant open my nuts'. For some reason, her and I just looked at each other and did everything we could to keep from laughing, we didnt want to make him feel bad because he had no clue what we were laughing about and for a 6 yr old, it was so innocent.
Another time, my son, who at the time was only 6, we were shopping at a Target store. He was sitting in the cart and we went about doing our shopping, until we came around a corner and there was a lady, a very BIG lady, who literally blocked the aisle we were trying to get through. We decided we were going to go around, ratehr than make a big deal out of it. You guessed it. Little Robert decides to blurt it out: 'Mom, that lady was FAAAAAAATTT"! I felt so embarressed and decided to skip a couple of aisles so she wouldnt see us if she came around the corner.
I have another one
We have signed permission slips on the sex education classes offered in the school my sons attend. We speak freely with them if they want to talk in our home also.
We were sitting around the table one morning eating breakfast, one of my sons starts making cracks about morning wood, my wifes at the table and as open as I am I still think they should show some respect, in other words inappropriate breakfast talk.
So their all quiet for a few, then my wisecracking son gets a big grin and here it comes.....
Dad will you call me into school with swollen glands.
I spewed milk, coughed gagged, every ones laughing....well except my wife. Shes stareing at me like....say something!
anyway I failed that test, smart little things....
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,535,920 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rcm58
I have another one
We have signed permission slips on the sex education classes offered in the school my sons attend. We speak freely with them if they want to talk in our home also.
We were sitting around the table one morning eating breakfast, one of my sons starts making cracks about morning wood, my wifes at the table and as open as I am I still think they should show some respect, in other words inappropriate breakfast talk.
So their all quiet for a few, then my wisecracking son gets a big grin and here it comes.....
Dad will you call me into school with swollen glands.
I spewed milk, coughed gagged, every ones laughing....well except my wife. Shes stareing at me like....say something!
anyway I failed that test, smart little things....
Well, I'm officially worried (about myself). Took me the longest time to figure out what you meant by morning wood!
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