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I found this in some old writings...names have been changed to protect the guilty........This event happened shortly after we had moved to an old farmhouse..........
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11/09/06 - At 4:18 this morning...I was rudely awaked by the sound of feline feet flying through the office which is just off the bedroom....this was closely followed by canine foot stomping. "Dog! Leave the cat alone" I semi-growled.....then I remembered.....dog is in her crate......Oh crap! That means the cat has found a "friend".....
Now there's silence....Dog is quiet, the cat is quiet, Hubby is snoring....hmmmmm....maybe the cat just decided to play with a piece of paper or something she found on the office floor....I start to doze off again.....
4:36 am.....more emphatic canine stomping.....more emphatic flying feline feet followed almost immediately by "eek...eek....eek".....Oh good - NOT - the cat has caught a mouse.......I let out a groan, flashing back to the "present" Cat had left me in the middle of the office floor about two weeks after we moved in....than rapidly went to the mouse she had caught in our old area and left for me (I'll spare you those details).......
My fearless husband is now awake...."Dog! Leave the cat alone!" he bellows........The conversation now goes something like this:
Me: Uhhhh Husband, Cat has a mouse in the office......
Husband: All riiiiight Cat! Get that mouse!
Me: Stop talking to the cat, I don't want her jumping into the bed with it.
Husband: Here kitty kitty......Come on Cat.....
Me: Get in there and see what's going on...
Husband: Nahhhh, Cat will take care of it....
Me: Listen, Mr. Mountain Man, hunter person.....GET IN THERE AND GET RID OF THE MOUSE!
Husband: Starts chuckling....Listen! You can hear the cat picking her teeth with little mouse toothpicks! Then he starts laughing.....and laughing.....and laughing..
Me: Get your a** out of bed and go see what's going on!
Husband: Still laughing.....Listen! I think I hear Cat burying the body!....Wait! She burped!
Me: I'm warning you ..... get in there and get the dead mouse! I'm NOT walking into the office to that again! If you don't get in their, I swear, I'm going to a motel for the rest of the winter.
Husband: Laughing harder......Hey! Maybe it isn't Cat we hear....maybe it was a huge rat and the rat went after the cat! Here kittie kittie, c'mon Cat.......(Meanwhile Dog is continuing to do the now frantic canine stomp in her crate).
Me: Husbannnnnndddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( I burrow deeper under the covers).
Husband: By now laughing hysterically, Dog still doing the canine stomp, Husband starts making noises like a cat/rat/whatever licking it's chops after a hearty meal.....
Me (from under the covers, still sure Cat will be bring us a present at any minute): Husband, I mean it! Get in there or I'm going to a motel for the rest of the winter!
Husband: Still laughing..... Okay, okay.....I'm going......
Husband goes into the office and all I hear him say is, "Holy Sh*t! It looks like a battlegound in here - Waste basket is overturned, Cat's bed is upside down.....but.....I don't see a mouse and.......I don't see Cat...."
Me: Cat has to be in there! The only way out is through the bedroom and she didn't come through here..... get the freakin' flashlight and look in the closets! (still from under the covers, sure at any moment the cat or a giant rat is going to pounce)
Husband: Oh! Wait! There's Cat - she's in the back of the closet looking at a hole....the mouse must have gone back down there. (There's a large closet where our winter coats and Husband's skiing clothes are kept. Underneath that is the basement)
I gingerly get out of bed and come into the office - sure enough it looks like WWIII has taken place.....I take a cautious look at my office chair since Cat claims it when I'm not working....nothing there, but there is blood on the floor, which I point out to Husband (remember HE is the hunter/tracker!)
Husband: Well, it's not much blood, but quite a bit for a mouse, so either Cat ate the mouse or wounded it and it went back into the closet and into the basement.....either way it's gone now.....and he goes to let Dog out of her crate.
Dog now comes crashing into the office to see what all the excitement was about.....scares the cat, who hisses and spits at her and runs after her.... Dog, her nose to the ground, "tracking" the early morning activities is not to be deterred and basically ignores Cat, which makes her more insistent and Dog chases Cat around the office (and causing more disruption!) before resuming her tracking. When she's satisfied it is safe, she sits at Husband's feet and looks up at him as if to say, "Okay, boss, what's our next assignment".
I go to the closet and take out all the coats and bring them into the bedroom, all the while muttering.....I ain't gonna have no mouse make a nest in one of these pockets!
Meanwhile Husband is back to laughing so hard he can hardly stand up, recounting our conversation and reiterating how silly I looked hiding under the covers, taking things out of the closet and looking for mice with or without babies or nests......
Needless to say, THAT was a VERY long day..........
I have another one
We have signed permission slips on the sex education classes offered in the school my sons attend. We speak freely with them if they want to talk in our home also.
We were sitting around the table one morning eating breakfast, one of my sons starts making cracks about morning wood, my wifes at the table and as open as I am I still think they should show some respect, in other words inappropriate breakfast talk.
So their all quiet for a few, then my wisecracking son gets a big grin and here it comes.....
Dad will you call me into school with swollen glands.
I spewed milk, coughed gagged, every ones laughing....well except my wife. Shes stareing at me like....say something!
anyway I failed that test, smart little things....
On the up side, your son seems to be paying attention in class!
My aunt was trying to adjust the Christmas tree because it was leaning improperly. Well, she was on her stomach adjusting the tree when it fell over... on top of her... but the funny thing was when her poodle took advantage of her... h*mping her leg while she was stuck under the tree. I laughed so hard I fell off the couch... I TOLD her to fix that darn dog...
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