Perception of the Cities (Minneapolis, Duluth: home, buy, movies)

[knke0204]

Originally Posted by Avindair

You realize, of course, that you're saying "We don't want to know anybody we don't already know," right?



Wow.



That being said, I appreciate the honesty.



Best regards

No, I'm just sick of hearing all these 'transplants' place blame on other people for their misfortunes of finding companionship. You do understand that you're entering a close-knit community, in the Midwest? Sorry, people aren't going to drop their lives and change their social structure to cater somebody just because they are new to town. You have to provide a reason- by either sharing common interests, learning new things, and adapting to different cultures. People who have and are content with their circles see no need to bend over backwards for a newbie. What's the incentive? Another friend? Well, a lot of people would love another friend, but many of us are so consumed with immediate family- wife, kids, parents, siblings- extended family- aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins - co-workers, high school friends, college friends, friends who once were closer friends, etc. Many of us have jobs and other recreations. Squeezing in a new person to be friends with isn't easy, and it doesn't happen over night, but it doesn't mean that Minnesotan's are trying to be cold or mean.



I know it doens't compare, but I moved from the Twin Cities to Duluth, and I knew nobody here. I didn't even have a single friend from HS here. I've been here for 20 months and I have a decent circle of friends. I always have options during the week and on weekends. So I'm not sure where people run into problems.



As for Scandanavia? Get over yourself.

"We here comments on daily basis such as You're not from around here".

I find that hard to believe. Who do you place yourself around? Do you have a really unique last name? Because if you do, I'm sure people are commenting on how your last name is unique, not that it's not Scandinavian. My last name isn't, and nobody has ever mentioned it to me, not saying it isn't a problem, I just find it hard to believe.

[mnmike]

After reading about the name thing, I thought about it...

I have a VERY polish last name, my moms side of the fam are Irish. Then I thought further...none of my friends have "scandanavian names" either. I thought further yet...none of my co-workers do either! You always hear that those names are so common here, I never really thought if I knew any andersons, carlsons, etc... I don't! Maybe it is an age thing? More older people have those names in the region perhaps? I am in my late 20s. I have also never heard anyone comment on my name, or any of my friends names for being non scandanavian. Not saying it didn't happen to you, maybe that is an age thing too? are you older? Was it older people that said it trying to be cute or something? weird. Or maybe its a suburban thing? I don't spend much time in the suburbs. Just trying to figure that out, thats one Ive never heard before.

[uptown_urbanist]

I've never heard of the name thing, either, and neither my maiden name nor my married last name are Scandinavian. I've never heard anyone else complain about that, either. I find it quite hard to believe. The suggestion that it's a very unusual name sounds reasonable (and very unusual and distinctive, for that matter), and even then it's almost certainly not because it's not Scandinavian. (and people might indeed be trying to be funny) Pick up the phone book and flip through it sometime: there's a huge variety of names out there. There is nothing "Minnesotan." In any case, not saying that the comments haven't happened, but I think there has got to be more to the story.

[west336]

I don't think anyone said, "you're not from around here are you, you don't sound Scandanavian at all! What is your last name?". Instead, someone probably quipped, "You're not from around here, are you?" with a thick Minnesota accent. I know my wife gets this kind of thing all of the time, probably because she doesn't look like a "stereotypical Minnesotan", and she finds it obnoxious. I think it's different when the shoe is on the other foot, so if somebody is saying this has been their experience it obviously made them uncomfortable.

[rcsteiner]

Most Minnesotans probably have German last names, not Scandahoovian .

Wikipedia:

The principal ancestries of Minnesota's residents in 2008 has been surveyed to be the following:[45]

* 37.9% German
* 32.1% Scandinavian (16.8% Norwegian, 9.5% Swedish)
* 11.7% Irish
* 6.4% English
* 5.1% Polish
* 4.2% French

Other sources:

All figures come from the U.S. Census Bureau Report issued in June 2004

The Census Bureau defines ancestry as a person's ethnic origin, racial heritage, descent, or "roots," which may reflect their place of birth, place of birth of parents or ancestors, and ethnic identities that have evolved within the United States.

Minnesota 2000 population of Minnesota: 4,919,479 (2000 census)
Rank Ancestry % of Population
1. German 36.7
2. Norwegian 17.3
3. Irish 11.2
4. Swedish 9.9
5. English 6.3

[knke0204]

I think we are seeing a generation gap with some of this "Minnesota Nice" stuff. To me, a younger 20s something, making and keeping friends isn't hard at all. I stick my hand out, introduce myself, flash a smile, ask questions, and be proactive. Never have had a problem with finding a new companion or a new group of people. I wear a tie to work everyday. if you took a snap shot of my friends i would throw you for a loop. I friends that are hippies who make living off of drugs, I have friends that are Sherriff's Deputies, I have school teachers that are friends, I have losers that are friedns that havent worked in 10 years. I'm friends with sports, hunting, and shopping addicts. I am friends with Liberals, Conservatives, Dems and Reps. Friends with F150 drivin' deer huntin' good old boys. I'm also friends with Townhome Dwellin' Audi' Drivin' young professionals.

I have a few friends with the last name of Olson, Erickson and Swenson. Those are all extremely common in Minnesota.

I highly doubt people scoff at their last name for not being "Scandanavian". Most of today's generation probably dont even know what Scandanavian means, let alone what a Hotdish, Lutefisk, and Knitted Sweatshirts are.

[UnusualSuspect]

I had a tougher time meeting people when I first moved to Seattle; people seem much more friendly here compared to there. Regardless, part of it is just what happens when you move to a new city where you don't know anyone. Making friends takes time. I often complained about not having any friends in Seattle, and many, many people have the same complaint about the area, but hearing it again here, where people are so much more outgoing, makes me think it really does just come down to the fact that we're new here. Building a circle of friends take a LONG time.

(BTW, if anyone wants to hang out, send me a message. )

As for the Scandinavian name thing... I haven't heard anyone say anything about names, Scandinavian or otherwise, and I haven't heard much about Scandinavian culture in general. Heck, once again, I got more of that in Seattle (the Ballard neighborhood). There are all kinds of cultures here; I don't see any one in particular that stands out. (For the record, my last name is German, and the only problem I've had is that nobody can pronounce it correctly, but that's been a lifelong issue.)

[hollaa66]

Regaurding the Scandinavian last name thing- I can pan through my list of clients at work & seriously come across infinate numbers of Petersen/Petersons, Carlsen/Carlsons, Andersen/Andersons, etc. German names are also all over the place. You go to other places around the country & you won't see that. It's really nothing to get testy about, it's just the way it is.
I, personally, have little or no Scandinavian heritage. German for sure, as well as Italian & Spanish. Which aren't so common in MN- so yes, there is some ethnic diversity in MN. Good news is it's getting more diverse as time goes by.

[uptown_urbanist]

I don't think most posters are discounting the presence of Scandinavian names -- just that someone who does not have a Scandinavian name will stand out or be worthy of comment. It's not unusual to have a Scandinavian name in MN (more so than in many parts of the country), but the poster who sparked the name discussion was warning potential newcomers that they would be at a disadvantage or never have a chance of fitting in if they did not have such a name. Obviously that's not the case.

[Avindair]

Originally Posted by knke0204

No, I'm just sick of hearing all these 'transplants' place blame on other people for their misfortunes of finding companionship.

If it was just our family, I'd take yet another good, long look at us and say "What the heck is wrong with us." Take personal responsibility and all that.

The problem, though, is that it's demonstrably not just us. It's a well-documented issue with individuals from outside of the region engaging with the local inhabitants. Given the nature of this forum, getting this information out there for others to see is absolutely necessary.

You do understand that you're entering a close-knit community, in the Midwest?

...and for people who are considering moving here, getting that fact out there -- that Minneapolis / St. Paul is a very closed community -- is paramount.

Sorry, people aren't going to drop their lives and change their social structure to cater somebody just because they are new to town.

Who said anything about "dropping their lives"?

I find it telling, however, that this statement couches the experience of meeting new people as a burden.

You have to provide a reason- by either sharing common interests, learning new things, and adapting to different cultures.

In our -- and numerous other -- cases, done, done, and done. Didn't help.

People who have and are content with their circles see no need to bend over backwards for a newbie. What's the incentive? Another friend?

Once again, the prospect of new people entering one's life is expressed as a negative.

Well, a lot of people would love another friend but many of us are so consumed with immediate family- wife, kids, parents, siblings- extended family- aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins - co-workers, high school friends, college friends, friends who once were closer friends, etc. Many of us have jobs and other recreations. Squeezing in a new person to be friends with isn't easy, and it doesn't happen over night, but it doesn't mean that Minnesotan's are trying to be cold or mean.

Thank you for making my case so clearly.

As for Scandanavia? Get over yourself.

So, my family and I constantly have our last name called out as being "not from around her", and we have to get over it?

Wow.

I find that hard to believe.

If it wasn't happening to us, I wouldn't, either. It's ridiculous.

Who do you place yourself around?

Acquaintances. Co-workers. Volunteer personnel.

Do you have a really unique last name? Because if you do, I'm sure people are commenting on how your last name is unique, not that it's not Scandinavian. My last name isn't, and nobody has ever mentioned it to me, not saying it isn't a problem, I just find it hard to believe.

Not at all. It's a very common European name. It's just clearly not Scandinavian.

As I stated at the beginning of this reply, if this was an experience that only my family were having, I'd be taking a good, long look at what we were doing and asking what was wrong. We all have to be responsible for our lives, after all.

As has been demonstrated time and again on this forum, and even up-thread, that isn't the case. This is a known issue with the region.

Since I first replied to this thread:

• A couple my wife and I were getting to know -- bright, intelligent, and capable -- gave up after 18 months, and headed back south. Even before we met them, they had run into most of the same issues we had. "We've never had a problem making friends anywhere except here!" was their oft-repeated refrain. Tellingly, upon arrival in their new state, they immediately made new friends.
• Another of our closest friends -- also a transplant -- relocated to Chicago after trying for a decade to fit in. Her most recent communication with us: "I've made better friends in six months here than I did in ten years in Minneapolis."
• Meanwhile, the friends I met while away at school in 2008? I still hear from them nearly every day. By contrast, the acquaintances I've made since moving here? We only hear from them if they want something from us.

When added with other anecdotes, published material, and media reports, the picture becomes clear: The issues we've had are not "just us"; it is intrinsic to the region.

That being said, I need to make something very clear: This does not mean I believe this to be a "bad" place. It just means that for my family and others, the closed and cold northern community makes for a very, very bad fit.

Were it not for the recession, the poor housing market, and a major health issue that entered our lives in 2009, my family and I would have left the region last year. Now that all three have improved, our intention is to relocate. We've given enough time to this place. Time to move on.

Best regards.