Friendliness of Minnesotans (Minneapolis, St. Paul, Cook: low crime, house, neighborhood)

[Jimrob1]

Originally Posted by SciFiNerd1

My wife and I are looking at Minnesota as one of our choices for relocation. We happen to be southerners so the friendliness of residents are important to us.

How friendly are Minnesotans in the Twin Cities in general? We dislike it when people are very kept to themselves without saying hello or having small conversations.

It's like any other place. There are friendly people and there are unfriendly people. Just like where you live now.

[Hoosier]

I would recommend checking out Woodbury and Stillwater. Two nice areas close to st. Paul.

[drishmael]

Originally Posted by SciFiNerd1

"My wife and I do not have children; however, we do go to church (Catholic)."

Oh, well then sh**, you'll be fine. I was worried you belonged to one of those yokel churches effectively functioning as a Ponzi scheme. There's a certain sort of reverence and dignity present in both Catholicism and Lutheranism (far and away Minnesota's largest Christian denominations), so you should fit right in.

"I also noticed that Minnesota is perhaps the most liberal state in the Midwest after Illinois. It definitely will be a big change from the conservative South."

Depends on your understanding of liberalism. Illinois is more liberal than Minnesota in the New York sense, but less so in the Vermont sense. Personally, I prefer the latter.

[jennifat]

Originally Posted by SciFiNerd1

My wife and I do not have children; however, we do go to church (Catholic). Maybe finding a new church home will be a great place to start out socially. I see that inviting others to our church would not be appropriate in MN, according to one post. That is new to me but I'm from the South, which is entirely in the Bible Belt.

In general, one should never, ever casually discuss religion with a perfect stranger (or even an acquaintance) in Minnesota. It will make anyone you're talking to instantly uncomfortable, I can assure you. It may save you the embarrassment of having to be told "sorry, I'm not religious" more than once.

Another topic you should absolutely always avoid is politics. Talking politics with people you don't know well is a big no-no, unless you're absolutely sure you're in a crowd that 100% agrees with you. This is a subject certain to make people squirm in mixed company.

You'll find that Minnesotans are exceptionally polite, but also very non-confrontational people. A lot of us will go out of our way to avoid saying inflammatory things that could start an argument.

[uptown_urbanist]

I think that if you are religious and find a good fit for a church you'll quickly find a community of friends.

I would second the suggestion not to invite other people to join you at church; likewise, you shouldn't be surprised if you don't get many invitations from others to join them at their churches (unless you make it clear that you're open to such invitations, "we'll feel more settled once we've found our new church," or something). I do remember how church invitations were very common when we lived in the south, but here, that makes many people very uncomfortable.

The Twin Cities can be extremely liberal in areas, but there are also areas where is very conservative, if that matters.

I think Minnesota is a fairly chatty place; you'll easily find people willing to engage in small talk at the store or other places. In fact, I think that's what leads to some of the misunderstandings that many new arrivals complain about; they think that because they've quickly met a lot of chatty, friendly acquaintances, that those casual chats will translate into more meaningful friendships, and then feel snubbed if the person they chat up at the bus stop every day never invites them over for dinner. It's that moving from acquaintance to true friend that can be hard, especially when everyone is so busy these days, but it's certainly not impossible, and again, I think the fact that you're regular church goers is going to make that much easier as you can plug into an existing network of potential friends that might progress much faster from friendly acquaintance to true close friend.

[WoodburyWoody]

Originally Posted by drishmael

Depends on your understanding of liberalism. Illinois is more liberal than Minnesota in the New York sense, but less so in the Vermont sense. Personally, I prefer the latter.

Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist

I think that if you are religious and find a good fit for a church you'll quickly find a community of friends.

I would second the suggestion not to invite other people to join you at church; likewise, you shouldn't be surprised if you don't get many invitations from others to join them at their churches (unless you make it clear that you're open to such invitations, "we'll feel more settled once we've found our new church," or something). I do remember how church invitations were very common when we lived in the south, but here, that makes many people very uncomfortable.

The Twin Cities can be extremely liberal in areas, but there are also areas where is very conservative, if that matters.

I think Minnesota is a fairly chatty place; you'll easily find people willing to engage in small talk at the store or other places. In fact, I think that's what leads to some of the misunderstandings that many new arrivals complain about; they think that because they've quickly met a lot of chatty, friendly acquaintances, that those casual chats will translate into more meaningful friendships, and then feel snubbed if the person they chat up at the bus stop every day never invites them over for dinner. It's that moving from acquaintance to true friend that can be hard, especially when everyone is so busy these days, but it's certainly not impossible, and again, I think the fact that you're regular church goers is going to make that much easier as you can plug into an existing network of potential friends that might progress much faster from friendly acquaintance to true close friend.

As someone who moved here from southern California, but lived in Seattle and grew up in a neighboring Midwestern state, I would say these two comments are pretty accurate.

I would add that many/ most natives I know - in-state and out-state (I have worked in both, though only lived in the Twin Cities while here) - most natives I know have never lived outside their current communities. That makes for a built-in familiarity/shared history that seems normal to them but *can* make those of us from out-of-state feel a bit isolated. But I have never felt unwelcome here.

[kaszeta]

Originally Posted by jennifat

You'll find that Minnesotans are exceptionally polite, but also very non-confrontational people.

That's probably how I would sum up my 7 years living in Minneapolis (which I rather enjoyed). I learned really quickly that Minnesotans were non-confrontational and soft-spoken about things (if you didn't like a particular food item, it was "not quite what you were hoping for" instead of "I hated it". On the other hand "not that bad" was high praise indeed).

[ellysbelly]

As a fairly recent transplant, I will say that I think that Minnesota's reputation for being cordial but not friendly is overstated.

Like anywhere else on the planet (except for a freshman dorm), it's difficult to forge new, close friendships-- but virtually any activity (church/synagogue, sports, etc) makes the process that much faster. If you read virtually any forum on city-data, they ALL say the same thing-- it's difficult to make friends ANYWHERE; the fact that *some* parts of MN is comprised mainly of Minnesotans and few transplants, makes it even more so. Living in an area, such as Minneapolis proper, where the percentage of transplants is far higher than, say, Elk River, will likely make it easier to find people who have 'space' in their lives for new friends.

We've been here just over 18 months; my kids (ages 8, 10 and 13) now feel completely at home here and each have a great group of friends through school and sports-- my husband and I are still in transition, we've made some really great friends here but it doesn't feel completely, COMPLETELY like 'home'-- but we also moved from a place where we had lived for 12+ years and within an hour of where I grew up, so we had some really long lasting and tight friendships (some of them multi-generational-- our parents were friends, we were friends, our kids were friends)-- I also have a close friend from college that lives here, so that helped me feel integrated into the community here more quickly, too.

I am lucky enough that my kids all play competitive sports-- that, too, has made our transition here SO, SO much easier (especially as I work from home for a company based in NYC, so my closest coworkers are 1000+ miles away- and my husband has an odd job, as he's a hockey coach and is self employed, so he doesn't have true co-workers).

Long story short-- find activities that make you and your family happy-- and you'll find your niche soon enough!

[Citykid3785]

Having grown up on the east coast, but lived here for the last 20 years, the Scandinavian roots run deep here. Obviously I'm generalizing, but we tend to keep to ourselves until the outsider makes the first move. Google Minnesota Nice and you'll get a better answer than I can provide here. We're "polite" enough to spare you the truth if that makes sense. It's the part I like about Minnesota the least. So we're nice in that we don't infringe, but rude in that we don't put ourselves out there or tell you the truth until you've cracked our inner circles. A great example is the rule of "2 refusals". If you offer bite of food to a friend in Minnesota, they won't take it until they've said " no" twice, as it would be impolite to tell you the truth and say we have been staring at your plate for the last half hour salivating over that cheese curds.
"Hey Bob, want my last cheese curd?."
"No, to full!"
"You sure?"
"I really shouldn't"
"Alright then, I guess it will go to waste..."
"Well in that case, pass her this way!!!"

I'll contrast that the east coast, where I grew up and where I often travel to for work. People aren't politically correct, and it seems everyone is willing to strike up conversation, for better or worse. People there are more genuine, but much more outspoken whether you asked for it or not.

Minnesotans are great people, but in full transparency, an outsider needs to work a bit here. A lot of generalizing, as you'll find plenty to the contrary, but you get the point.

[SciFiNerd1]

I think I have a clear understanding of "Minnesota Nice." It is being nice, polite, and friendly as in small talk without being confrontational and going into topics that may cause a person any discomfort unless you know that person very well.

You can always try the first move to invite a Minnesotan to a party or to eat out. The worst could happen is that the person may decline respectfully or does not show up to the party. Minnesotans may do the same after they get to know you better.

It seems normal as it is everywhere where most people are friendly enough but not nosy about your business.


It is very good that Minnesotans are willing to offer a helping hand during winter; otherwise, you will freeze to death.