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WE OWN the house together. You even suggesting one of us moves out of a dwelling for an old dying dog is ridiculous. Our living situation has NOTHING to do this situation.
Are you even aware of what you are saying?? If anyone needs a therapist, it sure isn't me.
Agree that many of the responses so far are NOT good examples of better compassion. Really, a couple isn't supposed to discuss and work things out? Just move out?
I guess my advice is to try to avoid it being something where you are pitting yourself against the dog... and try to convey that you care about him and the dog, and just want to make sure neither of you suffer unnecessarily.
It shouldn't be about the carpet, or the noises the dog makes, but that you appreciate and understand, and if possible, admire, that he loves his dog.... His old, crooked, noisy, messy lovable? dog and want what's best.
He is aware of the situation with the dog. He is choosing to ignore it. The dog is suffering. I don't want it to. He wants to ignore it and pretend it isn't happening. At some point, I may just have to handle it on my own.
Handle it on your own? Unless you're the owner, a vet is not going to (or should not) euthanize the dog. And I really hope you wouldn't do anything to hasten the dog's demise.
This is your partner. You live together. I assume you love him. I can tell that you're frustrated and/or angry from your post, but those emotions can't pop up during your conversation. Instead, preface your speech by telling him that you love him and his dog. Point out the dog's breathing struggles and/or other signs of pain by saying, "I noticed XYZ a lot lately." (Omit the part about the carpet cleaning). Ask him how he thinks the dog feels at this point. Ask him why he's unwilling to let this dog go. Ask him what kind of support he needs to deal with this challenging situation - and then give it to him.
I would recommend taking the dog in to his vet, for a checkup and to see if the symptoms you report can be treated and improved. "Hey honey, I think _______ looks like he's in pain and is having trouble breathing... maybe there are good pain meds that would help him be more comfortable". Let the Doc tell him whether there is anything that can be done. Maybe there is, maybe not. Be willing to pay for a few more months of pain meds! But it can help make the conversation about the dog's quality of life, not yours.
I like Snackmasters take.
Google in-home veterinarians in your area. Make a call and explain to the vet your situation.
Bring up the situation over and over to your boyfriend/SO ; be a nag if you have to.
Make an appointment for an in home euthanasia, explain to BF how the scene will be so peaceful with candles and music. Explain that one shot puts the animal into a peaceful state. The next shot puts them to sleep.
There is a wonderful book on pet grief called Goodbye, Friend that helped me immensely I recommend all pet owners keep around. I am sadly not the author.
I'd be freaking out and pretty upset too.
WE OWN the house together. You even suggesting one of us moves out of a dwelling for an old dying dog is ridiculous. Our living situation has NOTHING to do this situation.
Are you even aware of what you are saying?? If anyone needs a therapist, it sure isn't me.
Himain, again, I understand that you are frustrated and upset but please stop insulting me.
Again, I do not know the particulars of your living situation. The reason I suggest that one of you leave is because a [temporary] move would resolve the situation: you wouldn't have to stress about living in a space in which you are constantly cleaning up after a dog that you don't think should be alive anymore AND you would not be arguing with/nagging him about the situation, which is stressful for all of you. I didn't suggest that you break up or stop seeing him--if you/he moved out, you could still see one another (provided that you both have a constructive conversation about both of your needs right now). But you wouldn't have to deal with the dog and he wouldn't have to euthanize the dog, which to me is a win-win. I am afraid that if you convince him to euthanize his dog before he is ready that it could do irreparable damage to your relationship.
Secondly, I suggest therapy because my mother is a licensed therapist and sees cases like yours all of the time. The particulars are different but the dynamic is the same : someone in a relationship is struggling in a situation with their partner in which they feel that they have no control. I think that talking this out with someone would be very beneficial to your mental health. All the better if you can convince BF to go to counseling with you--then maybe no one would have to move.
Lastly, because a move is a drastic step, is it possible to stay with a friend for a few days? or take a vacation? I say this because your post is similar to those on the Caregiving forum in which many posters express feelings of burnout when caring for an incapacitated and/or dying loved one. A break from it all might be a big help.
Last edited by StarlaJane; 02-28-2023 at 07:37 AM..
Yup, I have a cat that was spraying inside the house. I got it resolved with putting him on Prozac every night. Plus the other cat is now dead so that's half the battle.
I'm not the only person who has had this happen. If you read the thread again, you can see I am not.
Nor am I the only one who is dealing with someone stalling on doing the right thing for a dying suffering animal. Not sure how his last days can be peaceful and happy when he cannot breathe correctly.
So, yes, I will be getting more animals in the future.
OP, what if you offered to take the dog in to be euthanized? Do you think he might be receptive to that?
Maybe he irrationally can't make the decision, but would acquiesce to you taking responsibility?
I've already spoken to him about having a vet come to the house to do the euthanasia so it's less stressful for the dog. He'll never schedule it so I will end up being the one to do so.
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