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Because you are being invited to be a guest at the event. Gifts are not mandatory or required.
"No gifts please" dictates to the wedding guests how they should or shouldn't spend their money.
Miss Manners says:
"Any suggestions from you, unless specifically requested by an individual guest, are improper. This includes a ban on stating 'No gifts' because, although less greedy than the attempt to pick one's own present, this also assumes some sort of payment is taken for granted."
Good God who can keep up on etiquette anymore. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
My husband’s nephew. Son of deceased brother. DH was quite close to his brother, who died in 2005. DH saw his nephew a lot when he was a small child and stays in touch on Facebook. My husband never had children. My DH obviously wants to stay connected, when we created our Trust, this nephew is one of a few named beneficiaries on my husband’s will. Nephew lives in Florida, we are in Texas & NV, so only get to see him on family events (weddings, holidays, etc.) and we have been back there maybe 10 times in the past 20 years and often don’t see the nephew when we go b/c he lives in far south FL and we visit other family in N. FL.
I am actually shocked, in 2024, that people think $100 is an overly generous gift if one is attending a wedding and a wedding couple’s hosted brunch the next day. However, do agree, that if a guest has a modest budget, s/he should not overextend just to provide a gift.
After a lot of pressure from the groom’s mother, the couple posted a Registry on Amazon with no more that 15 gifts ~ all in the price range of $15- $60 and added the comment “Of course gifts are never expected, but here are a few items we would enjoy adding to our household, and any contribution to our Honeymoon fund will be joyfully appreciated.”
All but 2 of the gift items were already claimed.
We will give cash. Not firmly set on the amount, but probably $500.
With this additional information, my thoughts are more nuanced. At the end of the day, it is about how I feel about the person getting married -- whether they have an upscale or downscale wedding doesn't matter.
When deciding on a gift amount, I ask my spouse and he gives a suggestion but always says, "it's up to you, it's your family." The reason he says this is I am the one who has the closer relationship and know what it means to me. His siblings are deceased and he has no nieces and nephews so all wedding gifts have been for "my side." With all the nieces and nephews on my side, I try to give comparable amounts to each and, fortunately I like them all very much and love my sisters. If he had a nephew with whom he had a special relationship, I would also give him a suggested amount but tell him, "it's up to him." This all assumes it is within range of affordability.
Last edited by Maddie104; 01-20-2024 at 08:19 AM..
And don't give cash out in situations where it can be misplaced or stolen.
I'd get a cashier's check.
We just sent our card and check to our ex-SIL, she is a very responsible person who will make sure it gets deposited by nephew. I've sent Christmas checks to other young relatives and OMG it's like they don't have banks, checks take months to get cashed.
We used a Priority Mail envelope with card/check inside and a note to SIL too. It's about keeping family close and letting them know we care even if we can't attend.
We just sent our card and check to our ex-SIL, she is a very responsible person who will make sure it gets deposited by nephew. I've sent Christmas checks to other young relatives and OMG it's like they don't have banks, checks take months to get cashed.
We used a Priority Mail envelope with card/check inside and a note to SIL too. It's about keeping family close and letting them know we care even if we can't attend.
If you don't send it to their phone they probably don't know what to do with it. LOL!
At minimum pay for the cost of your attendance. $500 sounds reasonable
When did that become a thing? I get things are expensive but it's getting to where you have to pay to go to gatherings now? This reminds of a few years ago when I was asked if I needed to take something to grill ro a barbecue. Now you need to basically bring your own meal to barbecues too? Soon will we need to being our own turkey dinner to Thanksgiving?
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