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Hmmm... Any email I get that claims to be from a divine being gets automatically sent to my spam folder. Thats my story and I'm stickin to it!
If the big one resorts to sending emails, I can just imagine some of the classic stories as updated and retold to future generations:
"NOAH! Its raining already. Check your email!!!"
"Job! Your wait time for technical support is now 472349 hours. You call is very important to US, please continue to hold for the next available angel."
Unread email: "Goliath, please update your shield to version 5.0 for protection against stoners."
"Moses! Whadda ya mean you broke my tablet?!? I lend you my Kindle to make it easier for you and you break it? Here, take these two 3-D printed rocks with the user manual on them and try not to trip."
Recent true story.. (while I can still remember)...
I had hip replacement surgery recently and a fairly common problem (I understand) after surgery is constipation and I cant speak for everyone.. but this was an important "thing" for me.
About 2 months after the surgery, I was at a party where everyone was retired seniors. I was in a conversation with a lady at the party. She knew I had had surgery and asked me:
"how are you pooping?"
Odd question to ask at a party but I figured because of her (and my) age, she understands the importance of this issue after surgery. So.. I didnt get real detailed but got into a little bit of that subject and how I had dealt with it. Pretty quick she looked a little confused about what I was discussing.
When I delivered my son he had bright red hair. Neither his father nor I had red hair tho I suspect it was in both families. I was talking to one of the nurses who jokingly said "how often do you and your husband have sex?" Obviously the answer was supposed to be not very often. She said oh, that's it then. The red hair was from rust.
Not very funny here, but it was back then 59 years ago.
When I delivered my son he had bright red hair. Neither his father nor I had red hair tho I suspect it was in both families. I was talking to one of the nurses who jokingly said "how often do you and your husband have sex?" Obviously the answer was supposed to be not very often. She said oh, that's it then. The red hair was from rust.
Not very funny here, but it was back then 59 years ago.
I was called "The Throwback" my parents were brunettes.deep dark cherry wood red. The girls kind of liked it....some did.
"An elderly gentleman on a train was mumbling to himself, smiling, and then raising his hand. After a moment of silence, he would go through the same process: mumble, smile, raise hand, silence.
Another passenger observed this, and after about an hour, he said "Pardon me, sir. Is there anything wrong?"
"Oh, no" he replied. "It's just that long trips get boring so I tell myself jokes. "
"But why, sir, do you keep raising your hand?" asked the passenger.
"Well," said the oldster, "that's to interrupt myself because I've heard that one before."
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.”
The priest says, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”
“Never Father, I’m Jewish.”
“So then, why are you telling me?”
“I’m telling everybody!”
When your dog sees a police dog, does he think, 'Oh no! It's a cop!' ~from Facebook
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