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My sister (26F) is seeing a boy (23M) for 3 months. He is a self-employed and hired her part-time as an assistant. But now it's turned into a friendship or an early stage of relationship. So far, they have unfollowed and refollowed each other on Instagram 3 times and this cycle is accelerating. I mean the periods of following and unfollowing are getting shorter. The total days of following or unfollowing modes are almost equal.
Can this be considered a sign of immaturity, lack of healthy communication or mental instability from either or both sides? Is it a concerning sign or a major red flag in their relationship?
Or they are just playing unserious games and these temporary makeup/breakups may eventually steer the relationship to a smooth (or at least less chaotic) path, once they set boundaries and know each other better?
Why don’t you ask your sister? Why ask strangers? We don’t know what’s going on. Not only that, but most of us are not young adults with a compulsion to snoop into what others are doing on their social media, so we really can’t relate.
Why is it any of your business?
Are you hoping to be with him?
Or it's OP's "sister."
Is this the world we live in, where a relationship or a breakup is defined not by words or actions, but by whether one is 'friended" or "followed" on social media? Don't tell me we're getting to the days where being dumped by text or email will start to look like the *acceptable* option...
Does she complain about it? Unless she is whining to you about it, it is none of your business. It sounds like a case of immaturity on both their parts.
Why don’t you ask your sister? Why ask strangers? We don’t know what’s going on. Not only that, but most of us are not young adults with a compulsion to snoop into what others are doing on their social media, so we really can’t relate.
I did. And that's all she shared with me. I don't want to interfere in her personal life. But she had a messy break up with her ex 2.5 years ago and was badly depressed for almost a year post the break up. I'm worried she gets emotionally involved in another toxic relationship, should the signs alarm so.
Literally I've received 2 distinct feedbacks. Some people say it's just an unimportant playful interaction between the two till they set boundaries. Eventually the get to know each other enough, this process ends and the relationship's direction gets automatically steered in a smooth (or at least less chaotic) path. So, it's not a matter of concern and all is fine.
Others say this indicates lack of healthy conversation, inability to reach to an agreement peacefully, instability and immaturity that over time can cause disrespect, frustration and inability to handle more serious issues in future.
All I'm seeking from more experienced and well-informed members of this forum is if they see a possibility for this relationship to last. Can they mutually grow while staying in this relationship and turn it into a quality one; or it is doomed to failure due to the incompatibility of the two.
Why is it any of your business?
Are you hoping to be with him?
Thank you for your response. I'm not that much morally corrupt.
She is my younger sibling, and the only member of the family I have; since we've lost our parents. That's all she's shared with me and I live far from her. She had a nasty break up from her ex 2.5 years ago and I'm not sure if I can ever forget how devastated she was till a year ago. I don't intend to interfere in her personal life, but am worried if she gets emotionally involved in another toxic relationship, should the signs alarm so.
Does she complain about it? Unless she is whining to you about it, it is none of your business. It sounds like a case of immaturity on both their parts.
It's complicated. That's why I'm seeking assistance from more experienced and well-informed members of this forum.
All she's told me is that they get on-again/off-again even for disagreements on superficial issues. The insignificance of the matters minimizes the level of resentment, enabling them to refollow after a couple of days each time. But obviously this short fuse pattern is persistent, indicating the lack of healthy conversation and warning the possibility of escalation of the issue if more significant matters arise in future.
I've received 2 different feedbacks. Some say they are immature, the relationship is childish and there is no red flag to be worried about.
Others say this might be due to instability, incompatibility, or even manipulation, all of which are major red flags.
All I'm asking is if you see a future in this relationship. Does it last? Or it's doomed to failure and it's only a matter of time till the get frustrated and leave.
Is this the world we live in, where a relationship or a breakup is defined not by words or actions, but by whether one is 'friended" or "followed" on social media? Don't tell me we're getting to the days where being dumped by text or email will start to look like the *acceptable* option...
I'm the OP and she's my younger sister.
I'm not saying interactions on Instagram or other social media platforms are the only basis for evaluating relationships or predicting breakups. But such an obvious on-again/off-again pattern, specifically among the young generation can reflect the rockiness of the relationship to some extent.
Please note that they met each other just 3 months ago and for almost half of this period they've been on the unfollow mode.
People try to present the better versions of themselves during the euphoric honeymoon period. This doesn't look like that. She's 3 years older and has had a very bad experience in the recent past. They haven't made enough pleasant memories together to use it as a supporting backup in tough times.
But not putting an end to this broken cycle means either there is an emotional bond between the two, or they are hopeful to fix the incompatibilities sometime at last.
And again, I'm asking if you're optimistic about it and assume the relationship has a chance to survive; or not.
The age difference isn't significant, but at 23 the male is likely to be immature, imo. He will catch up, most likely, given a few more years. I think it would be better if she didn't make an emotional investment in him for the future, but that is up to her. I don't see what you can do about it if it's not a healthy relationship. She's old enough to make her own decisions and will have to deal with the heartache of it goes south.
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