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In April 2022,I met this guy online (Reddit). I live in the UK, and he lives in California. Word went around on Reddit that I'm very attracted to nerds, which I am, and then this guy who is the epitome of one in terms of looks approached me. When we first began talking he kept complimenting my appearance, and would go into detail about how he'd like to cuddle me and whisk me over his shoulder (he's morbidly obese with a BMI of 49, I'm skinny and short).
He likes collecting comic books, action figures, and studying computer science. He would message me all day every day, which I didn't mind, he was just a bit clingy and if I was afk for a while he would continue typing messages worried that he'd scared me away or something. He told me that he's lonely and his exes had abused him which has put him off of finding a partner. At the same time, a post on his profile was of him complaining that his therapist said that he was abusive and he's trying to make himself look the victim. At least one of his exes was violent with him and tried shooting him, only for the bullet to fly past his shoulder (according to him). He made a post about how he felt like nobody would ever love him and he felt like giving up, and he wouldn't care if he died. This was shortly before he approached me.
He never said anything that was bad to me. Early on, he did almost demand selfies of me regularly so I could see photos of him. But I chalked this up to him being a lonely socially awkward nerd and nothing more. Some of the selfies he posted were of him holding his arms out as if he were hugging me, and another was him posed in a way that he was whisking me over his shoulder. At the beginning he was often smiling in his photos and looked happy. Now, he doesn't smile. I have POTS and Dysautonomia, and it flared up really badly in January 2023, during which I would lose sleep and also sleep a lot at times at weird hours (I have been on proper medication starting from last August, and feel a ton better physically). Whenever I told him I'm struggling he'd just respond with something like "distract yourself". I don't know why, it just seemed...cold? I put it aside assuming he's socially awkward.
But as time went on he messaged me less and less, and it's like we are distant now. Even early on in the night he asks me if I'm going to bed soon, like he wants to get rid of me. He doesn't send Whatsapps anymore, or photos of himself anymore. When I upload a photo of myself he no longer compliments my appearance and responds with "cool" and nothing else.
I uploaded a new selfie two days ago, and he didn't even acknowledge it, even though it'd been a year since I took a proper selfie since I'd been sick and looked visibly sick. He'll not message me for days and say it was because he was tired from work. I'll have to make an effort to carry on a basic conversation with him. What should I do?
I feel really sad rn. I genuinely felt love towards this guy, now if I see anyone who looks like him I just feel weirdly betrayed and upset. I'm starting to think things that are out of character for me, like maybe this is the reason nerds are unpopular amongst women, because they act like this. And yet I love them so much and they're my only type, I'm not attracted to any other type of guy at all. I feel like I'm going to grow old and die alone.
What did you expect? This relationship is never going past the screen. You live too far away from each other. There’s nothing you can do. You’re also in completely different places in terms of maturity.
Find a nerdy looking guy who lives within 20 miles of you. That way there’s a chance you can have a viable romance.
Don't you want a real life relationship where you can see the person in the flesh? Go places together? Touch each other?
Maybe he's found someone near him and is actually dating. Maybe he has other women he's chatting up online. He might have an actual life and has lost interest in having a pretend relationship with you.
When someone shows disinterest in interacting with/knowing you, believe them. What's the use in continuing to try for a relationship they clearly don't want? Don't waste your time or their goodwill.
When someone shows disinterest in interacting with/knowing you, believe them. What's the use in continuing to try for a relationship they clearly don't want? Don't waste your time or their goodwill.
I agree, though I didn't think there was anything "cringe" about the original post.
I knew by the CA /UK thing it wouldn't work. I'm sorry, way too far.
Let him reach out if he wants to. It's not all on you to make something happen.
People saying they're in love without ever seeing each other face to face is peak cringe.
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