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That might as well be a confession. If she's that defensive about it then she's guilty.
I'm sorry that your marriage is over, especially with two children involved. If you find out that she was cheating then it could work out in your favor in court, so there is a silver lining.
It sounds like she's cheating. I would let her go, she is not interested in working on things with you. Try not to assume all women will be like this if you start dating again in the future.. we are all different... and I say this because many men after a divorce can be guarded or bitter after getting hurt.. but just saying.. there is hope after divorce. I think as we get older, we know ourselves more and we know what we want in a partner. If you meet another woman for a solid relationship after a divorce, it can potentially be a much better relationship than what you just had. Do not hold onto a toxic, dysfunctional, or expired situation just because your instinct tells you to go down in flames in the name of staying loyal, just to avoid feeling like you've failed and that you somehow could have made it work.
It sounds like she's cheating. I would let her go, she is not interested in working on things with you. Try not to assume all women will be like this if you start dating again in the future.. we are all different... and I say this because many men after a divorce can be guarded or bitter after getting hurt.. but just saying.. there is hope after divorce. I think as we get older, we know ourselves more and we know what we want in a partner. If you meet another woman for a solid relationship after a divorce, it can potentially be a much better relationship than what you just had. Do not hold onto a toxic, dysfunctional, or expired situation just because your instinct tells you to go down in flames in the name of staying loyal, just to avoid feeling like you've failed and that you somehow could have made it work.
Good points.
Also, the OP should get his drinking under control too.
Yep, your wife's cheating on you and gaslighting you about it. Now, you'll have to decide if you'll tolerate either. If you do, it speaks to what you think about yourself (no disrespect intended).
Kiddo, you need to stop drinking because when you drink, it brings out a side of you no decent person wants to be around (and your 2 kids should not be exposed to that either).
I feel so sad for your 2 children. They don't deserve any of this.
Sorry for the long message coming up. This is about me (35) and wife (31). We have two young children. We have been married 3 years.
My wife and I are separating and she is moving to her parents house, despite me begging her not to. Prior to this we have been arguing a lot. I am not without blame. I have drank too much at family events and she has accused me of being a fool and making her look stupid. From my end, my issue is how she treats our kids, she is very mean to them. They are 3 and 4 and she lectures them for 10 min about their toys or other seemingly trivial stuff.
A big issue between us happened several months ago. I was getting the clothes ready to wash and noticed sand in her Jean pockets. I’m talking a lot of sand, like rolling around on the beach. I asked if she took our two daughters to the park recently. She said of course not. Then I said, how come there is all this sand in your clothes? She said “are you accusing me of cheating?” I said, “no I just don’t get why your pants are full of sand that’s all. She got upset and it escalated. I said something like, “I’m not really asking a difficult question here.” She then threw a fit and went into the bathroom and locked the door. She refused to answer the question. She said I should believe and trust her and she’s upset that I don’t.
Flash forward to our move out date, we are separating and moving out of our apartment. I’m crying and begging her to stay. She says no. She said she needs us to work on ourselves before she will get back with me. For me, it’s a solemn event. I’m sad. She is cleaning out her things and she is beaming with joy. She’s literally singing and dancing and I feel like our marriage is over. I ask her why she is so happy? She says, “my god I can’t even be happy around you?” I say, “it’s not that it’s just that we are breaking apart!” She gets annoyed with me and leaves angry.
Two months pass and during this time frame we share custody and she is constantly talking about her boss. “Oh my god, William is such a cool boss, William this, William that” I don’t want to point it out because I don’t want to be accusatory. But she brings him up every time we hang out. It’s usually along the lines of “guess what William did today, he’s so funny!”
One day in November, she let me have sex with her. I am her second sex partner ever. For 3 years she has been very delicate and sensual. When I tried to be kind of rough (spanking and such) she would say no, just be gentle. But this time when we had sex she told me to get rough, bite her nipples and spank her. Nothing like what she usually asks for. In addition, we had went to the mall a week before and bought lingerie together. When I asked her to wear it at our sexual encounter she said she returned it. When I asked why, she said because we had not been getting along and she got mad at me. I don’t really remember even really getting in any arguments. But the lingerie is gone.
In December, it was her work holiday party that we have gone to for the last couple years. She said she doesn’t want to go. I said why, she said she hates her Effing boss that she doesnt want to be around him. I told her she usually talks good about him. She said, “I thought he was nice but He’s just a snake!”
I asked some female friends what they thought of all this. They all said that she is 100 percent cheating. I have no proof whatsoever and she doesn’t even live with me anymore. Also if it was her boss she’s cheating with, then she’s done cheating (cause maybe he just lead her on) and I’ll never catch her.
I’m just looking for any feedback or opinions about this. My wife prides herself on honesty, loyalty and honor. It’s very hard because she is always forcing the issue that I don’t question her integrity ever. She’s pretty much like, “if you don’t trust me there’s no reason to be together.” So I can’t even ask her if she’s been unfaithful. When I alluded to it, she was mortified, angry and argumentative.
Is she cheating or has cheated and I’m stupid?
I think that in this situation, you can't go by what you think or what you assume is happening. You can, however, go by what IS happening and how YOU feel about it.
If she is acting in such a way that is strange to you, or otherwise makes you very uncomfortable and it hurts you, then that is one thing that you have control over. Is this something that you are willing to accept and live with? Is this something that you are not happy with and you need to do something for yourself? If so, sit her down ONE TIME and tell her that you don't know what's going on with her, and you're not comfortable with her living apart from you, and you are sad and upset all the time. Tell her she needs to decide NOW if she wants to be with you or if she doesn't.
If she says NO, then take steps to end the relationship and move on. If she says YES, then she needs to move back home and you two start a reconciliation together, with a mutual agreement that you both will make the relationship a priority and move forward.
As it is right now, she has her cake and eats it too. Don't allow yourself to be used or disrespected. It's really pretty simple if you look at it like this. Either you are happy with her and both of you are working to make your relationship what it should be, or she isn't on board with you and you need to take care of yourself. Black and white. Either she comes back or she stays gone.
I am 100% confident that she is cheating. Her friends said it. She blurted out cheating in an argument (maybe a little Freudian slip). Sand in pants and you were not present. Odd praises for boss.
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