So it's possible for a relationship for flourish after infidelity?

[SocialBeeSarah]

Originally Posted by gwynedd1

If the other person is willing to pay punitive damages of say 10X then maybe.

I have to give mom credits there. I guess paying for all the couple counseling sessions, his individual sessions, buying him a new couch, helping him with the moving process and finally giving him 3 children, successfully raising a family together to the point I never knew they had issues; it can be said he got compensated. When dad revenge cheated, she was willing to pay for marriage counseling but he didn't let her anymore; he paid for that one.

Originally Posted by gwynedd1

Women usually will have no problem finding uncommitted sex.

Definitely but that's bad news for them. They fail to understand that's so short-lived and by the time they realize that, they will want someone that commits but they can't take too long during the dating process.

[gwynedd1]

Originally Posted by SocialBeeSarah

I have to give mom credits there. I guess paying for all the couple counseling sessions, his individual sessions, buying him a new couch, helping him with the moving process and finally giving him 3 children, successfully raising a family together to the point I never knew they had issues; it can be said he got compensated. When dad revenge cheated, she was willing to pay for marriage counseling but he didn't let her anymore; he paid for that one.

Definitely but that's bad news for them. They fail to understand that's so short-lived and by the time they realize that, they will want someone that commits but they can't take too long during the dating process.

My main point was a way to observe the reaction of turning the tables. I imagine it would vary quite a lot, but generally speaking not doing something bad anymore does not really make amends. I am sure some people would feel quite unconformable with the idea that their spouse now has a license to cheat. Though I am sure ultimately it is counter productive. But then the relationship can never be really the same again anyway for my part.

[Bootsamillion]

Originally Posted by SocialBeeSarah

My parents are both 50 year-olds with 3 kids; all daughters. I'm 24 (the oldest) and then comes my 19 year-old twin sisters. One of my sisters just delivered a baby boy 3 days ago.

Growing up, I always thought we were the ideal and perfect family until I discovered my father's journal 5 months ago. I'm already over the initial shock but after what I'm about to share, let me know if you think it's possible for a relationship to flourish after infidelity if both cheated on each other. This is my short summary of everything I read in dad's private journal. It took me weeks to finish it:

My parents started dating when they 17 year-olds. When my mom was 20 (the year was 1992), my dad caught her cheating with his best friend (literally in the act, without clothes). It happened in his own house, on the couch. Dad fights/punches the friend and breaks up. Mom starts begging, crying, promising not to ever cheat again, etc. He takes her back months later, they go to couple therapy, he also goes to individual counselor and somehow worked that out. They get married at age 24 and I'm born 2 years later. Dad still had his doubts (didn't fully trusted her yet) and took a paternity test twice. Twice it was 99.99 positive. He put his distrust at rest but his ego was still hurt. He has a brief revenge affair (in 2000) for a couple weeks but then feels guilt, ends it and confesses. I was just a toddler when dad cheated back. Mom forgives him too, they go to marriage counseling and since he confessed, the R process is quicker. They apologized to each other and dad made a deal with her; she stops bringing back his cheating and he shuts up about what she did.

Obviously they never intended to ever tell me, my sisters nor anyone in the family. Not even our grandparents (both maternal and paternal) know it. I had no idea they had an old infidelity issue many years ago. We rarely heard them arguing. I'm still left wondering how is it possible to have a good relationship afterwards? How was dad able to get past that horrible cheating scene and still marry her? How was mom able to get past his revenge cheating? Can a relationship really flourish to the point trust is rebuilt, they are happy and much stronger?? Or are my parents rare cases? How can you love but still cheat on them???

None of that is ANY of your business. At all. All couples have problems, regardless of what type. That journal was meant to be private, I'm sure and I'm not saying you shouldn't have read it, because I'm quite sure anyone would have, but to tell other people about it? NO, that is not OK. Let it lie, it's not anyone's business at all. Wow.

[Bootsamillion]

Originally Posted by Katnan

Can't speak on your parents behalf, nor can anyone. Every relationship is different depending on the two involved.

I'm more curious how you "discovered" your father's journal and proceed to snoop through it.

And talk to other people about it. If she's sharing with us, strangers, what all family and friends has she talked to? I don't know. Sometimes I just think people don't have respect for others anymore. It's sad.

[RubyandPearl]

No long term relationship is without challenges and hurdles. We all have what are known as human frailties after all.

That your parents were able to work through their problems so successfully, to the point that neither you, your sisters, or your friends were able to detect any cracks in the facade, speaks well of your parents.

By prying into something that was none of your business you've discovered that your parents have feet of clay, ie. they're human beings facing all the challenges life brings our way and doing their best to handle those challenges. Between themselves and themselves alone. Privately.

Your takeaway from invading their privacy should be admiration and gratitude for their maturity and their humble recognition of a possible future together greater than either one of them individually could create on their own, which they achieved.

Your contribution to the family, now that you're an adult, should properly be to support the firm foundation your parents built brick by brick.

[SocialBeeSarah]

Originally Posted by Bootsamillion

And talk to other people about it. If she's sharing with us, strangers, what all family and friends has she talked to? I don't know. Sometimes I just think people don't have respect for others anymore. It's sad.

When I first posted this I was pretty much kind of in shock. It's different sharing it online vs in person with friends and/or family members. I haven't told anyone in the family nor friends, nor my husband either. I don't ever plan on destroying the peace. I'm not that insensitive.

Originally Posted by RubyandPearl

No long term relationship is without challenges and hurdles. We all have what are known as human frailties after all.

I've learned this by now. My own marriage has a total different challenge we're working on. Nothing to do with distrust nor infidelity though. But yeah now I can say nothing is without obstacles in life.

Originally Posted by RubyandPearl

Your contribution to the family, now that you're an adult, should properly be to support the firm foundation your parents built brick by brick.

Maybe my first reaction was shock but I'm actually happy for them just like they are happy for my marriage.

[mitak]

This would be much worse if you found out they were cheating on each other currently. At age 50. Then, you might expect them to divorce. This happened 25-30 years ago.