Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't know your situation, but I think your husband should have put your wants first. Isn't that part of getting married, you put your spouse first. Unless maybe his brother couldn't rent somewhere or he was on the verge of being homeless.
Of course my husband asked me first if his brother could stay with us, and I said yes, because I knew it was short term and BIL was at a bad point in his life and needed some help from his family. I’m guessing you've never gone through a divorce. When the decision is made to split up, it’s a very awkward and distressing time, and if I can help smooth the way for someone, then I’m happy to do it, even if it inconveniences me. Because I’m an adult and it’s not always all about me.
Just don't get it OP. This is a moot point. Water long under the bridge. Why the angst after the fact? If you can't move on with your own life without knowing what your parents were thinking doing this favor for a brother, why didn't you ask them? I'll bet you didn't because you knew the question was sort of out of bounds and none of your beeswax. Sometimes, listening to your gut is a good idea. Let's leave it there, OK?
Of course my husband asked me first if his brother could stay with us, and I said yes, because I knew it was short term and BIL was at a bad point in his life and needed some help from his family. I’m guessing you've never gone through a divorce. When the decision is made to split up, it’s a very awkward and distressing time, and if I can help smooth the way for someone, then I’m happy to do it, even if it inconveniences me. Because I’m an adult and it’s not always all about me.
In your situation, what would you have done if he would have moved in with you and stayed permanently
For those of you saying that it's none of the OP's business: yes, it is, because it involves people living in the same house as he does. So that alone makes it his business. Granted, the final decision is not his to make, assuming he does not own the house. But it still affects him, and therefore it is his business.
When I was in high school, a friend of my brother's was having a rough patch and so my parents let him live with us for a summer. This guy was annoying, selfish, greedy, and generally unpleasant to be around. Having him there made me miserable for the entire summer. Should my parents have prioritized a non-family member over their own son? Should I have been told it's none of my business because I don't own the house?
I wouldn't marry someone whose sister and grown son live with her. Time for stepdad to give both of you a date to be out by.
Yes, it's amazing someone would put up with that.
Or maybe the son lives in the basement and pays rent. Perhaps it's a big house made into three apartments and they go days without seeing each other. Otherwise - ick!
I would be the one judging him. Just wanted to know people's view on if what he did was something a good man, a good husband would do. Which I understand may not have an easy answer.
Allowing his brother to stay when he's in a tough spot makes him a good man. Whether he's a good husband isn't any of your business.
You say your aunt lives with you because your mom is comfortable with her sister. Was your stepdad OK with that arrangement, or did he allow it to support his spouse?
Hypothetically speaking, if your husband would have allowed him to live with you guys for as long as he wanted to and his brother is not planning on ever moving out.
We can debate “what ifs” forever. My husband knows his brother. I know my BIL. When he said it would be for a short while, my husband believed him. I believed him. I’m sure my BIL was not thrilled having to live with us, and as soon as he was able to get his own apartment, he was gone. He had a good job, it wasn’t like he didn’t have the means to live on his own.
I don't know your situation, but I think your husband should have put your wants first. Isn't that part of getting married, you put your spouse first. Unless maybe his brother couldn't rent somewhere or he was on the verge of being homeless.
People are saying its none of my business. I just want to know if my step dad is being nice or not. What's so wrong about wanting to know someone's character? Especially someone close to you.
Actually, marriage is about compromise.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just don't get it OP. This is a moot point. Water long under the bridge. Why the angst after the fact? If you can't move on with your own life without knowing what your parents were thinking doing this favor for a brother, why didn't you ask them? I'll bet you didn't because you knew the question was sort of out of bounds and none of your beeswax. Sometimes, listening to your gut is a good idea. Let's leave it there, OK?
