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Once I was at work, giving report over the phone to another employee, whom I had never laid eyes on, and she ended the call saying "love ya". A rote response, no meaning, just a habit.
Another time at work I ended a call with my husband saying "good bye". Two co-workers said "you didn't say " love you".
Good grief! When did that become the only acceptable way to say goodbye?
Aside from family I don't want anyone touching or hugging me. Longtime friends of my age whom I see every month or so, we never hug. Never occurs to any of us. I do hug family but only see them 4-5 times a year. And I hug friends that I only see every few years.
In all cases, every week would be too much for me. I'm not that needy.
I think it was weird and rude for them to comment on how you end a phone call.
LOL, you people ... now I'm selfish, a lesser son and person because I don't want a Hallmark moment every time I see or talk to my mom?
Try to keep up.
How many times do I need to tell you that I do say it and do hug sometimes?
Me and my sister discussed it last night and we both think that hugging every single time is depressing - a reminder that this could be the last time we see each other, a reminder of death. That kind of thinking is a real downer, we'd rather enjoy the time spent together in the moment, not 'we may never see each other again.' That kind of thinking is dark.
If you're into that sort of thing, have at it with your mother and family.
Oh I've kept up, we all have. I stand by everything I said. You are being selfish and hurting the person who loves you more than anyone else. I am well aware that you do it sometimes. If you were a good person you would do it every time and not keep a scoreboard. A hug is not goodbye, she is not dying. That is really stupid logic you two are demonstrating. A hug and I Love You Too is a simple expression of love and is important to your mom.
Last edited by DaveinMtAiry; 04-05-2024 at 07:57 AM..
She already puts in the quarter every single time.
And, yes, I will respond to every answer with negativity that's telling me to do something I don't want to do. Read my OP, I never even asked for advice ... It was a vent that asked if anybody else is in the same position. I'm always going to do what's best for me, no matter who balks.
Would you keep making your child hug family when they're not feeling it. My niece is teaching her daughter that it's ok to say 'no' - and that includes to her great-grandmother. My body, my choice.
How about people respecting other people's boundaries?
BTW, the middle ground is me doing these things sometimes.
No, middle ground is finding a solution you both find acceptable, but it means having a conversation(s) with your mom. And acknowledging there may not be a solution and deciding where to go from there.
I agree with the poster who compared this to putting quarters in a slot machine. Keep responding to your mom sporadically according to your feelings of the day, and your mom is going to keep fishing for 'a win'.
Moms are always going to keep fishing for a 'win'. They want to love their kids and be loved by their kids, until they die. They don't fill up one day and not need it any more.
It may be silly and selfish, but so is refusing to give them that small comfort.
Moms are always going to keep fishing for a 'win'. They want to love their kids and be loved by their kids, until they die. They don't fill up one day and not need it any more.
It may be silly and selfish, but so is refusing to give them that small comfort.
I sincerely hope that most moms are not so insecure in their children's love that they feel they have to keep fishing for proof of that love. I was married to a man that needed constant 'proof', it's exhausting and it's never enough.
Members who create OP’s are typically looking for advice for a given situation or relationship. As the OP has recently stated that he did not want advice, and the fact that those who have participated in this thread in providing helpful responses to no avail, it is thereby presumed that all that can be said has been. As such:
Thread closed.
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