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I’ve been friends with one of my former co-workers for almost 15 years. We’ve occasionally met up outside of work, and up until 6 months ago, we talked on the phone at least 3-4 times a week. I’m involved in several home remodeling projects, and she constantly sends me ideas and provides suggestions and feedback, which I always appreciate. I also travel several times per year, and I share pics and adventures from those trips, and she’s always suggesting new places I should travel. I’ve told her that she should travel more and she always says, “I don’t like people that much to do all of that”. She’s also brought up the topic of me having children on more than one occasion, and I’ve told her that “I’m not ready yet”. She kept badgering me about it for a while until I told her that it was bothersome. I had recently transitioned from being employed to self-employed, and she was extremely supportive of that, but when I told her I would re-enter the workforce temporarily until money picked up again, she didn’t seem too happy about that. She thought I was being overdramatic about the state of my finances. Then it seemed she accepted the idea and went with it for a few weeks, but when I mentioned one relatively minor issue at my new job, she started suggesting new jobs I should apply to and leave that one behind. I tried to tell her the gig was pretty decent, but she thought I was wasting my time and kept suggesting other part-time jobs that I wasn’t interested in (plus, I don’t like the idea of job-hopping after just a few short weeks when things aren’t that bad.)
Suddenly, six months ago, she stopped answering my calls, texts, etc. I thought something was wrong, so I texted her and asked if everything was ok, and she responded by sending me a video of something funny she saw online (we often shared funny videos, pics, etc). A few more days passed, and I tried calling again, but there was nothing. She would barely respond to my texts and stopped sending me anything altogether. I started thinking maybe I had said or done something wrong, so I combed back through our texts and thought back to recent phone conversations, and I couldn’t think of anything. Two months later, I called one more time, and she didn’t answer, but later sent a text that said, “Sorry I missed your call, I hope everything is ok.”
I told her I missed our phone and text convos and was sorry if I had said or done anything to upset her. I also said I hope everything is ok and that everything has been ok with me for the past couple of months. No response back. The only thing I’ve gotten from her since was a Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas text and that was after I sent one first. So I’ve stopped trying to contact her at all.
I removed her from my shared digital photo albums that are constantly updated because I feel like she shouldn’t get to see anything else that’s going on with me after abruptly ending communication. She then sent a text asking why she no longer can see any of my shared photo albums anymore. I haven’t responded back yet because I honestly don’t know how to respond tactfully. She has made “jokingly” comments on more than one occasion about living vicariously through me because I’m social and she’s not, and I often thought it was odd how annoyed she would get if I didn’t do something she agreed with, such as having kids or travel to some new location. She’d keep pressing and pressing the issue for days at a time. We both have been ghosted by people in our pasts and we both hate how it makes us feel, so I’m surprised that she’s acting like this and then shocked that I removed her from my shared material.
How should I respond to her latest question, or should I bother responding at all?
Have you outright asked her why there has been a drop in communication?
Since she does respond periodically and questioned being removed from the shared photo album, it seems that she still has an interest in what's going on in your life. My first thought is "I wonder if she's depressed".
It sounds like she's pretty manipulative. Everything was fine with you both when you were taking her advice and agreeing with her until you stopped. That's where the problem (for her) started. I think her being "bothersome" caught up with you and after you called her out on it, that was it for her. She liked the power you gave her in regards to your jobs and advice, but when you started pushing back on it she didn't like that.
And only now that you've cut her out of the "shared digital photo albums" she comes to life and asks why she can't see it? Geez, I would move on from this woman. Who needs this type of behavior. You know you don't like it, so why keep it going? She's revealed herself by asking about the shared album.
I wouldn't tell her anything. This didn't just start bothering you. She has bothered you for a long time. Let it go and move forward.
Long friendships have ebbs and flows in activity. She didn't cut you off or end the friendship, she just may have other things going on right now so you're not getting as much attention. Don't make it personal. It's usually a mistake to make demands of other adults in friendship, we all have our own challenges and we're lucky if we can catch up once in awhile. That's just life.
I honestly think it's hostile of you to remove her from your albums if that was a normal way for her to look in and keep in touch with you, and then blame her for not keeping in touch.
If you want the friendship, don't play games like she has to be punished for not paying enough attention to you, or that she needs to earn access to you. That's childish. At this point it's still easy to say she must have been removed by mistake and fix it. That's what I would do.
Have you outright asked her why there has been a drop in communication?
Since she does respond periodically and questioned being removed from the shared photo album, it seems that she still has an interest in what's going on in your life. My first thought is "I wonder if she's depressed".
I did outright ask her a few months ago, and she didn't respond.
The only thing I’ve gotten from her since was a Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas text and that was after I sent one first. So I’ve stopped trying to contact her at all.
I removed her from my shared digital photo albums that are constantly updated because I feel like she shouldn’t get to see anything else that’s going on with me after abruptly ending communication. She then sent a text asking why she no longer can see any of my shared photo albums anymore. I haven’t responded back yet because I honestly don’t know how to respond tactfully.
She's obviously going through something, possibly a bout of depression, and even though you know she treasures your stories and photos and had admitted to being an introvert, you removed her from your shared photos to punish her.
You should just be honest. "You wouldn't respond back when I expected you to, so I wanted you to suffer."
That kind of behavior is not just petty, it's Richard Petty.
She's obviously going through something, possibly a bout of depression, and even though you know she treasures your stories and photos and had admitted to being an introvert, you removed her from your shared photos to punish her.
You should just be honest. "You wouldn't respond back when I expected you to, so I wanted you to suffer."
That kind of behavior is not just petty, it's Richard Petty.
I'll admit that I did let my emotions get the best of me. I'll apologize to her and try to fix it.
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