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MIL & Co live in another country and we don't see them very much (once every 3-4 years). But when we do it's for a long time, sometimes months.
Anyway, it's unlikely we will be seeing each other again at this point, so it does not matter.
I'm just honestly curious if anyone here has met someone who behaves this way.
You grow a set of you know whats and stand your ground. Cooking at home is another option. Family and fish have a shelf life. Your visits are too long. Invite MIL to visit you.
MIL & Co live in another country and we don't see them very much (once every 3-4 years). But when we do it's for a long time, sometimes months.
Anyway, it's unlikely we will be seeing each other again at this point, so it does not matter.
I'm just honestly curious if anyone here has met someone who behaves this way.
I have met several dominating and manipulative people with control issues like that over the years gone by, enough of them that I think it's probably a fairly common thing. My now deceased MIL (who got worse and worse the older she got), a couple of friends, a landlord I once had, several neighbours I've known, employers and work colleagues, etc..
So yeah, I suspect that certain people wanting to exert their domination over others is probably a common enough thing regardless of what a person's culture might be and it may be part of human nature. When I encounter people like that I just make a point of dealing with them as infrequently as possible and for as short a period of time as possible. I just be pleasant for the duration and don't argue with them about whatever they have control issues over and I still just do what I think is best for myself anyway without consulting them.
What the hey, I have control issues of my own and I refuse to back down and let other people try to dominate me. So it's not hard for me to recognize those issues in other people, but at least I have learned how to compromise to keep the peace when absolutely necessary. But mainly I avoid domineering and manipulative people as much as possible.
PS - it occurs to me that if your MIL doesn't want to eat steak or other tough, chewy cuts of meat then she probably has problems with her teeth - or dentures if she has them - and just doesn't want to admit it. If you want steak get it for yourself without consulting her.
What is your spouse's opinion? Seems like that would be the only opinion that matters.
It might be a cultural difference, or some weird mother/daughter codependency, but it's up to the OP's wife to deal with her own family. She's the one who needs to set boundaries with her mother.
Seem to remember for such a person, What do you think we do it this way for a change? Make it their idea . They'll get the credit, who cares as long as it gets done, chosen
To me, they are very insecure or just need to get attention. Power, power, who as the power ?
I may have met someone like this, but they certainly aren't a part of my life.
Doesn't anyone ever consider culture differences when they get married?
Their are no cultural differences. We are white people, from the same county and state. The wife and I moved to a different country for work.
MIL likes Asian food or anything with lots of salad. She has to have salad twice a day and fresh fruit in the mornings for breakfast, which must be served at noon (she fasts in the morning).
It matters not a whit if she's visiting us. We have to cater to her requirements. It's not optional.
Somebody needs to get a spine…especially your wife. Why not just be busy the next time MIL wants to go to dinner?
Or, invite her to meet you at Cowboy’s Huge Hunk of Meat restaurant, and she probably won’t come. Extra added bonus being, she has to pick up the entire check, if you are not there.
You grow a set of you know whats and stand your ground. Cooking at home is another option. Family and fish have a shelf life. Your visits are too long. Invite MIL to visit you.
My wife is the most wonderful person you could ever imagine. She is selfless and it's hard to do anything for her. Making other people happy is what makes her happy, so I join her in trying to make her family happy. I don't do it for them, I do it for my wife, to show her how much I love her. But it has gotten harder over the years as my MIL has gotten worse.
MIL and CO do visit us. She is even more controlling in that situation. One time she visited for a week and stayed 5. Never giving us any indication of when she was going to leave.
She loves my cooking so much she will start to tell me what and when I have to cook for her. She will tell me her whole plan for the week. Monday I want you to cook XXX. Tuesday we'll eat out at XXXX etc. Wednesday you're going to have to take me shopping because I'll be out of salad etc.
Nothing is ever asked. I just get informed of what is required of me. She treats everyone in the family like this, but they grew up with it.
I have not encountered anyone like this. Is she invoking someone who is not even present? Why would your SIL care what you are eating if she is not there? Or if SIL is there, why not ask her?
Also, I would be getting separate checks for me and spouse, announce it at the beginning of the meal. Let MIL be the big spender if she wants, no one has a right to spend YOUR money.
Yes, MIL is invoking someone who's not present. The money thing is mentioned to show how inappropriate it was for MIL to use SIL to get her way. Lucky I could see through her at that point and didn't get pissed at my SIL.
My wife doesn't spend money on herself, despite earning a lot of it over the years. We've given them a car a brand new dirt bike with all the gear, $$$ vacations, birthdays and cash payments. Probably to the tune of $50K. The first time her BIL asked for money (he needed $15K NOW!!) I told my wife no. Don't ever lend money to people you love. There's no way BIL will every pay us back and I can't stand people owning me money and not paying. So I suggest to my wife to just give him the money, no strings attached. He said he needed it or he was going to loose his house. I only just found out he lied about the reason he needed the money. Turns out he needed a lawyer, as he got busted doing something stupid.
My wife is the most wonderful person you could ever imagine. She is selfless and it's hard to do anything for her. Making other people happy is what makes her happy, so I join her in trying to make her family happy. I don't do it for them, I do it for my wife, to show her how much I love her. But it has gotten harder over the years as my MIL has gotten worse.
MIL and CO do visit us. She is even more controlling in that situation. One time she visited for a week and stayed 5. Never giving us any indication of when she was going to leave.
She loves my cooking so much she will start to tell me what and when I have to cook for her. She will tell me her whole plan for the week. Monday I want you to cook XXX. Tuesday we'll eat out at XXXX etc. Wednesday you're going to have to take me shopping because I'll be out of salad etc.
Nothing is ever asked. I just get informed of what is required of me. She treats everyone in the family like this, but they grew up with it.
Pack her suitcase and drive her to the airport. It does work!
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