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We all process grief differently and that needs to be respected by others. When someone is sick for a long time you grieve the loss of who they were many times before they actually die. I have been there a few times.
Yes. Your loved one is gone before they're gone. My husband's mind started to fail when his body did. When he felt well, he could be irrational and a bit crazy. When he was in bed for days, he liked to read and wanted to have meaningful conversations.
I knew that we had turned a corner when he physically hurt me. The guy I married wouldn't have done that.
Details? I talk about things occasionally when I feel that I need to. Years ago, but he died in May. May will always be death month to me. It's also the month that I plant tomatoes, herbs, and flowers.
We all process grief differently and that needs to be respected by others. When someone is sick for a long time you grieve the loss of who they were many times before they actually die. I have been there a few times.
Well, my mom passed, blessedly, in her sleep last week. Her suffering and confusion are gone. I've been exceedingly quiet, and have pretty much only looped in a few people super close to me.
Thank god we (me and my siblings) were diligent in pre-planning for her. It really eases this time in the immediate aftermath of her passing. Per mom's written and verbal wishes, we're doing a short, private memorial on a date TBD later this summer. Very little else. To be clear, mom was 100% OK with this (it was HER choice) and we 3 kids are fully ok with it too and will honor it.
Of course....my in-laws, gotta love them but they're ignorant that other human beings on earth might have different preferences than they do. They started two group texts and a handful of incredulous questions and inquiries about what's wrong with me/us?? No wake??? No funeral??? Who's going back east to handle everything?!?! They're not being mean-spirited but at some point it's hurtful and ignorant refusing to believe that others just might have different preferences.
Thank you for sharing about your Mom; another widow shared to me, Ask a memory of your loved one.
With the death of my husband, was surprised at his Celebration of Life, I was the one offering comfort to those who attended. People just don't know what to say.
Suggestion: do what's best for yourself and siblings. Kindly say to family, firmly with love, (gritted teeth ! ) this is the arrangements. Thank you for your input.
Amazing how others tell others what to do ! Think recently, I heard, EGR people.
Extra Grace Required !
Comfort, peace; thank you for sharing with us in your loss.
Well, my mom passed, blessedly, in her sleep last week. Her suffering and confusion are gone. I've been exceedingly quiet, and have pretty much only looped in a few people super close to me.
Thank god we (me and my siblings) were diligent in pre-planning for her. It really eases this time in the immediate aftermath of her passing. Per mom's written and verbal wishes, we're doing a short, private memorial on a date TBD later this summer. Very little else. To be clear, mom was 100% OK with this (it was HER choice) and we 3 kids are fully ok with it too and will honor it.
Of course....my in-laws, gotta love them but they're ignorant that other human beings on earth might have different preferences than they do. They started two group texts and a handful of incredulous questions and inquiries about what's wrong with me/us?? No wake??? No funeral??? Who's going back east to handle everything?!?! They're not being mean-spirited but at some point it's hurtful and ignorant refusing to believe that others just might have different preferences.
Yep...I have one aunt that is furious with us because we didn't have a proper funeral for my mother last year. My mother didn't want a funeral -- she was a very private person. My aunt can't respect our wishes. She's been terrible to us. I cut her out of my life, as I don't need her abuse. Seriously. My immediate has been through enough with my after she had her stroke.
Your family's decisions are your family's decisions -- no one else's. It's that simple.
My family is not big on funerals. It's our business. We have our reasons, but we owe no explanation to anyone.
Yes. I've learned from experience that some things are better left unsaid, especially at such an emotionally charged time.
To all who have lost, are losing loved ones: I wish you peace during your grieving process, whether anticipatory or after your loved one has passed.
My mother died a year ago, and her sisters want to throw pictures at me, my Dad, and my sister. They put them on Facebook, etc, even though we've asked them not to do so. They have no respect for us at all. We've cut all ties.
How this ties into this thread: Because our private wishes as mourners need to be respected.
Those who grieve owe no explanation to anyone. If you're private, then it all remains private.
We are a very private family and don't share our feelings and emotions with others. My mother's sisters don't understand that.
Peace.
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